Couple finances

[Sunchine]

My husband is great and a great dad we've been married 13 yrs have no complaints and he earns a lot more money than me. I took 8 years off work to bring up our boys and been back at work for last 3 years. I'm careful about spending money and pay for all the bills, whereas he spends whatever he wants and gives money to the children with no questions asked. He pays for morgage ( in both our names), all food and most extras. We have no shared bank accounts have always kept everything separate, i feel like i'm the poor parent and often tell the kids to wait until i get paid if they want stuff, unless they really need something in which case i will get it, so they go to dad and he buys it for them nobquestions asked, which is great but its maybe giving the kids a bad example as they always get what they want. How do other couples split their finances? Do people have a shared bank account?

We earn similar amounts to each other. We both get paid into a joint bank account, and absolutely all bills, child or house expenses come out of it, including holidays and meals out etc. We also both pay ourselves an equal 'fun money' amount into our personal accounts each month. What we do with that is entirely up to us. All savings are joint savings.

My husband earns more than me, although we both work full time. We both get paid into a joint account and then money gets moved into another account to pay bills. What's left in the joint account is available for us to spend as a family.
I really can't understand having separate finances to the extent that one partner is 'rich' and the other partner 'poor'. Surely you're a team?

I'm a SAHP (12 years in!) but we had this set up before so it's not a case of our circumstances. Salary gets paid into joint account and all bills come out of this, nowadays my husband's salary and my child benefit. Any money earned is 'our money', not mine or his. We're a family so we share.

Married couples should share finances and make joint financial decisions with the goal being that each spouse has an equal amount of "free" spending money. Anything else is financial abuse.

Married. I'm a sahm. Everything in joint account, we both spend freely and discuss any big purchases first.

We discussed this before marriage and if he hadn't been on the same page I wouldn't have married him. An unequal marriage is not for me.

Yes everything goes in and out of the same bank account.

I earn double. We have one joint account and equal (small) amount in isas. We try to be sensible, I spend a bit more but not stupidly so. All debt (a few k) is in my name except the mortgage which is shared.

We both have family money. The fact dh’s company pays him more is by the by as we both value each other equally.

Married for 21 years, DH is a sahd, I earn
We have various investments

Everything is joint and completely transparent

We both buy whatever we want day to day but discuss big purchases and spending on the 2 dc

You took 8 years 'off'? No. Your role in the family for 8 years was to look after the small children day-to-day. Not 'off'.

Equal spending money, equal time off from work and housework is the goal.

We get equal 'pocket money' and access to the joint account. We discuss big purchases.

Have you told your husband about this feeling you have of not being on financial parity with him?

How a man can let his wife feel poor and deprived when he is sitting pretty really gets to me!

Why can’t you discuss it?

My husband is great and a great dad we've been married 13 yrs have no complaints and he earns a lot more money than me.

Sounds like you've got a pretty big, and reasonable, complaint to me.

I haven't told him because I wasn't sure if this is normal, looks like it's not and my feelings are valid. I will raise it with him but may be a difficult conversation after so many years together. Thanks for all your comments.

Good luck op

Did you have no access to family money when you were a SAHP? How did you paying all the bills and him the mortgage arise?

You need a shared joint bank account that the mortgage and all household bills come out of, and which can pay for the food shopping, clothes and pocket money for the children. If he earns a lot more than you he should contribute considerably more than you to this. Then what’s left in your bank account is yours to spend on you, not the family.

Separate accounts. Always have done. Always will do.

DH and I manage our own finances (pensions, savings etc.) and have our own current accounts where salaries are paid. We have a joint account and pay a proportional amount of the monthly household expenditure into it, ensuring we have an equal amount each left over - I earn more so I pay more monthly. Absolutely everything comes out of that household account apart from personal spends.

We have separate accounts and always have done, together for close to 30 years. We do know about each others income, savings and pensions and are meticulous financial planners. We have projected income and outgoings plus how it’s all influenced by inflation and interest rates till we hit 95, if we make it that far.

Many on MN advocate shared money and exact equal spending money. It would never work for us as we invest. What I did take from your post is that he never says no to your children. Being able to afford it is irrelevant here it’s about attitudes formed by your kids about money and expectations.

So now you have the discussion and get an outcome. How good are you at putting forth your point of view? In a healthy relationship anytime should be fine to bring up an issue. But with all plan changes that have negotiation and persuasion there can be a better or worse time to put forward your thoughts.