Would this be a deal breaker?

[Alleycatt]

Would you end a relationship/marriage if your dh/dw/partner ran up lots if debt behind your back. Let’s assume that the debt is due to general overspending and nothing dodgy- gambling etc

Probably yes. I take financial security seriously and have tried hard to get there. I'd struggle to let someone jeopardise that. Plus the trust issues

Probably yes, for reasons above. Definitely yes if it was just carelessness / not really caring / having different attitudes to money. If there was a "reason" you can work with to resolve and could trust there not to be a repeat occurrence, maybe not (I know someone who spent excessively as a response to grief).

Yes

Yes. Abusive ex ran up debt in my name.

Jeez, work out why they did this.

Overspending on the other women or random women whose morals had a price is one thing.

A 'manana/something will turn up' mentality when the car or other domestic kit goes titzup is another.

Shit, did he make you pay for it?

It’s just general overspending- nothing like that

I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where I had trust issues with a partner who did things behind my back or kept things secret from me.

Awful and verging on criminal but a different kettle of different fish to being slack over debt in own name.

Closer to the latter than the former.

Yes. I'm quite anxious about money and am careful with it.

Yup when took me nearly two years to pay it all off but I did.

He had plenty of that too, probably why he saw me as a nice juicy target.

Was he making payments towards it before you found out?

@Alleycatt No, he ran it up in a very short time and took out loans in my name. Only found out when my credit report updated and I didn't recognise them. I reported him, police couldn't charge him because he did it from my house.

My relationship hasn't ended but the trust has been damaged. I now monitor all spending which is uncomfortable. I get labelled controlling and feel like a parent. Alot of tension and arguments.

I mean, I would be absolutely bloody livid but I wouldn't leave my husband for overspending and getting into debt, provided he was prepared to work on a plan to pay off the debt and address his habits.

It would probably mean some real interrogation into his spending and why he was doing it. Everyone splurges at times but if its regular that is a different thing and could be indicative of a bigger issue.

I would also expect him to hand over some element of control to me, with regards his finances. If children are involved (you don't say if you do), then that is something that I would expect to put my foot down on in a big way.

I would advise you to take a look at a couple of credit score platforms like Experian, and check if it has impacted you. Is he just behind and with big figures or is he at CCJ stage? That may have an impact on your credit.

Then, there is an element of trust that is broken and will also need to be worked on. I would recommend Relate - a counselling charity that offers advice and guidance to couples / people in relationships. That would be an excellent place for you to start to mend things, if that is what you both want.

How much debt?

Probably yes. I take financial security seriously and have tried hard to get there. I'd struggle to let someone jeopardise that. Plus the trust issues

This.