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Would you charge a family member to live with you?

39 replies

PoorUncleBarry · 14/09/2024 17:20

Hello! I've had my "Uncle Barry" living with me for 6 months. He had to leave his housing association property due to arguments with his son who became violent. My uncle paid for everything from his benefits as my cousin was also on benefits and didn't pay lodge/rent. My uncle did the cooking (freezer food, not from scratch, it's relevant) and the cleaning but now he lives with me, my husband and my son. I work 2 days a week due to ill health, my husband works full time. We have paid for everything for my uncle since he moved in, including buying him emergency personal provisions for the first week, all the meals at restaurants, 2 holidays that he wanted to come on, all the utilities of our house and sometimes he gets bread/milk from the shop.
My company can now only afford to employ me for 1 day a week which has hit us hard financially. I told my uncle and his reply was "Oh that's a shame, I want some tea" so I told him I need him to start giving money towards his food, laundry, extra water etc. He said he doesn't have any money ... then he bought a £25 wallet from town. We do all of the cooking, the cleaning, meal prep everything because my Uncle can't cook and can't clean. We can't live off freezer food otherwise we could ask him to cook once a week or whatever. We moved his possessions out of his house, stopped all the direct debits for his old house and he's on £850 a month. No plans to move out at present as the council won't help.
In my shoes, would you ask for money and if yes how much? This is destroying my relationship with him. What really hurts is when I told him about my job he also said "Well your husband earns enough doesn't he?", like we're his gravy train because we earned enough in his eyes.

OP posts:
Berlinlover · 14/09/2024 17:58

Anyone over the age of 18 should contribute to the household. That includes children, parents, etc.

Silvers11 · 14/09/2024 17:59

Well you have a cousin who has offered to take him. Just take them up on the offer and tell your Uncle that is what's happening?

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 14/09/2024 18:06

To those who say Uncle Barry wouldn't have crossed their threshold, would you honestly say no to a family member in desperate need?

Yes.

I would only take them in if we knew we could live with them and if we had the space and resources. But we don’t. And neither do you, especially since your income has dropped.

No way would I be seeing my children’s home life — which is already not exactly luxurious — negatively impacted by a spongeing uncle.

Lentilweaver · 14/09/2024 18:08

I wouldnt say no to my children, sister, mum and inlaws. That's quite a few people I would not take money from.

I would say no to other family members. In my experience no good deed goes unpunished.

Loadsapandas · 14/09/2024 18:13

Hmmm how do you know about what evil cousin did? Have you spoken with them or just got the one side from tight fisted uncle?

he should have been contributing from the start

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/09/2024 18:23

@PoorUncleBarry so why cant uncle barry move back home now??? his son will have been evicted for non payment of rent!! I would just send him packing and mark this up to history, never to be repeated!!

hattie43 · 14/09/2024 18:47

I wouldn't have let him move in . Sorry if that is harsh but it rarely works , a non nuclear family member or friend moving in .

murasaki · 14/09/2024 18:54

At least 350 per month, but I wouldn't have taken him in.

My sister charged me when I stayed with her for 3 months post my husband walking out, while I got my head together and found a new flat (i was still working) and that was totally fair. I also cooked for us sometimes and did my share of cleaning.

He sounds like an unpleasant man, get rid.

DeCaray · 14/09/2024 19:54

I wouldn't charge a relative but uncle Barry is taking the Mickey.

'Bazza, we took you in to help you out temporarily but it's not working out. You have not contributed anything and because of your sponging you've now outstayed your welcome. You have until (two weeks) to get out.'

WGACA · 14/09/2024 20:00

Can he pay the equivalent of the 1 day’s wage you’re losing or a bit more?

MichaelandKirk · 14/09/2024 20:08

Honestly I think he is finding it very comfortable living with you forever…. His money is his money and he has probably convinced himself that he is not really costing you anything.

What is this nonsense about not being able to clean? What rubbish! Who cleaned his old place. Or couldn’t they be arsed.

Ask him to move on. I wouldn’t ask him for any rent. It’s gone too far now.

Dearg · 14/09/2024 20:15

What does your DH think about subsidising Uncle Barry? It does not seem fair to your family.
Been nice having you Barry, time to go.

PoorUncleBarry · 14/09/2024 20:42

I'll try to answer in order:

  • I know for a fact that my cousin really is evil. He has smashed up 9 televisions, countless phones, laptops, tablets, DVD players and a printer that I bought for Uncle Bazza (I'm keeping that).
  • I expected Evil Cousin to be evicted shortly after he was bailed and then charged but he is getting help from Shelter (he told me before he went ballistic on me for not giving him money). Apparently this is not long term and he will have a "managed move" because of mental health difficulties (he has anger issues).
  • Uncle Bazza does not intend to live in this country for much longer. My cousin lives in Scotland and he is moving there before Christmas (My husband has just told me, I was updating him on my intention to sit down and discuss plans). My cousin has said they need to buy a single bed for their house for Uncle Baz and then they're driving down to collect him, cousins boyfriend is also driving so they can take all of Bazzas stuff in one trip.
  • I was very very close with Bazza, we had an excellent relationship and got on like a house on fire. I don't even care about money, I'm gutted because I thought we had an excellent relationship and that he cared. He has no intention of returning and I doubt he will keep in touch but that's my fault for believing him. I feel bad for my cousin because she is moving her 2 children into 1 room to make room for Bazza but I need him out now.

Ty everyone. I won't be helping a single person in the future. This is the 4th time this year I have been walked over. 4th and final time.

OP posts:
PoorUncleBarry · 14/09/2024 20:47

Whoops, the cleaning thing. He actively volunteered to clean at first but every time me or husband dried and put away the dishes we noticed grease, food debris and stains on every single item and then we saw how Bazza washed dishes ... running a tap over them. So we took over the dishes. Even the cooking was problematic because he brought home some frozen vegan burgers for all of us and I asked him to cook them as we were both working one day, we came home and they were frozen in the middle but he ate his and kept exclaiming how delicious they were. This happened 3/4 times and we were going to bed hungry with food being thrown away. He waits for us to make lunch and if he doesn't feel we've given him enough he goes out to the shop for extra snacks and drinks and eats them on the way back.

It really is time to kick him to the curb/kerb

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