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A reason to get married?

20 replies

BroccoliSpears · 18/04/2008 18:23

Given the following criteria, is there any reason to get married?

(a) We don't want to get married.
(b) We have comprehensive wills which cover the fact that we're not married but live together and have children etc.
(c) Dp has informed his work and pension that I am the named beneficiary of any payments should he have an accident or worse.
(d) We register our children together, so dp has Parental Responsibility of our children.

If there was some legal, financial or other sensible reason to get married we would pop down to the registry office and fill out the forms (or however it works), but having been researching for a little while I can't see a reason.

I am quite prepared for there to be one though, as I have often heard people saying it's better to be married... but I don't know why.

(Just a note: The emotional side of it doesn't really feature in this discussion. DP and I love each other very much and plan to grow old and grey and toothless together, surrounded by increasing numbers of children and smelly dogs. Weddings and marriage just ain't our bag, baby.)

OP posts:
QOD · 18/04/2008 18:24

i hated and despised having a different surname to my mum, changed my name to hers as soon as I could.

ImightbeLulumama · 18/04/2008 18:28

have you had your baby yet?

BroccoliSpears · 18/04/2008 18:30

Interesting QOD. Was your dad a part of your family?

Hello Lulu (nice disguise). No. 40+2 and not a twinge, not an ache, not a twitch.

OP posts:
ImightbeLulumama · 18/04/2008 18:31

oh well, do be sure to start an 'am i in labour thread!!'

PortAndLemon · 18/04/2008 18:33

There's Widowed Parent's Benefit if one of you dies -- not available to survivor of an unmarried couple, and it's a not insignificant amount of money.

Yorkiegirl had specifics of this on a few threads after her DH died as so few people know about it and it made a huge difference to her financially over wht she would have had if they had not been married.

PortAndLemon · 18/04/2008 18:36

Checked one of YG's old threads -- WPB is a minumum of £82 a week.

scottishmummy · 18/04/2008 18:51

it is a deeply personal choice, so you decide.good you have thought of all the fiscal stuff.Have you addressed Inheritance tax (as this currently favours married couples who pay no inheritance tax)

have a solicitor draw up a 'tenants in common' you each own a proportion (normally half) of the property and can pass that half on as you want without any loss

good luck with birth

chocolateshoes · 18/04/2008 18:56

it was because of YorkieGirls thread the DH & I got married after living together for 16 years. Purely security & next of kin issues. That is why we didn't have a big bash either. Just 2 mates & DS at the reg office followed by lunch.

BroccoliSpears · 18/04/2008 19:36

Have just searched YG's topics and have found some interesting points to consider, some of which I had already thought about.

Funeral arrangements
Medical permissions - quite a biggie for me.
Repatriation if necessary
Inheritance tax

As I suspected it's not a clear cut decision. Most of the above can be addressed with a solicitor. Inheritance tax not an issue at present. That just leaves WPB.

I do reach a point where I want to say lets just sneak off and do it. We don't even have to tell anyone. It's a legal document that makes things very much simpler, and that way we'd know we hadn't overlooked anything, rather than this plate spinning, checking absolutely everything is addressed - it's getting too complicated, and with young children on the scene I feel it's something we really need to have watertight.

OP posts:
BroccoliSpears · 18/04/2008 19:37

(And thank you ScottishMummy )

OP posts:
chocolateshoes · 18/04/2008 19:44

Exactly BS. At one stage it felt as if we weren't getting married just for the sake of it - cutting our noses off to spite our faces iykwim. We told our parents (but wish we hadn't - another story!) but haven't really told anyone else.

scottishmummy · 18/04/2008 19:45

For NHS can Nominate your next of kin, you must inform the NHS trust, GP etc

All competent adult patients are asked to nominate their next of kin formally on admission to hospital. This is not simply a contact number but has potential significance, as the nominated person must be willing to best reflect what they believe would have been your wishes in the event of your incapacity or death. It is this person that staff would turn to for advice/guidance/help about your care if you were unable to respond yourself. For example, this might be because you are unconscious or unable to communicate due to illness or injury.

in the event of your death, it is your next of kin who would be consulted about bereavement issues such as making funeral arrangements, arranging a hospital post mortem or organ/tissue donation.

You are not obliged to give a next of kin, but if you don't initially, you can change your mind at any time.

What is the role of next of kin?

Your next of kin cannot consent or withhold consent for care on your behalf. But as your next of kin, their views on what you would have decided will be sought. These views will contribute to the decision that the clinicians caring for you (and who have a duty to act in your best interest) will make regarding your treatment and care. Thus, if you cannot make that decision for yourself, the final decision of care rests with the clinician in charge of your care.

If, in the case of an emergency, you have not had the opportunity to nominate anybody as your next of kin, we would prefer to seek advice from whoever we believe to be 'closest' to you and best able to reflect your wishes; for example, your current partner or closest relative.

Who can be my next of kin?

Historically, the next of kin was the spouse or nearest relative of the patient, but modern day families may have a different structure - cohabiting but unmarried, long term relationships but not cohabiting, same-sex partners etc. Your next of kin does not need to be a blood relative or spouse; they can be your long-term partner, cohabitee or even a close friend.

Whoever they are, you must ensure that the person you nominate is aware of the duty/responsibility that being next of kin may entail, e.g. they may have to make decisions on your behalf as outlined in the previous answer. You must ask them if they are willing to be nominated as your next of kin.

PuppyMonkey · 18/04/2008 19:52

Thanks for posting that Scottishmummy. Me and DP aren't married either (14 years and counting). Had a big debate with someone on here a while ago who said that if I was to have an op they would ask my mum to give consent.

We're like BroccoliSpears and are happy as we are with most of the issues covered...

scottishmummy · 18/04/2008 19:54

but be aware to make NOK explicit verbally and in writing to NHS staff eg pre-op consultations

PuppyMonkey · 18/04/2008 19:56


And what would happen if I didn't?

scottishmummy · 18/04/2008 19:59

technically they could and likely would approach parents, then adult siblings

PuppyMonkey · 18/04/2008 20:00

And if parents were deceased and no siblings?

scottishmummy · 18/04/2008 20:12

NOK is not a legal agreement so contrary to popular opinion close friends, extended family can all be NOK

NOK is an advisory,support guidance role eg what would you want in given circumstances

but do check all this out i am not alluding to know the definitive position

BroccoliSpears · 18/04/2008 20:57

That's all v interesting SM.

Am now trying to remember if I nominated a next of kin when I went into hosp to have dd. I'm sure I've just filled in dp's name as NOK before, without actually knowing that it was okay to do that.

OP posts:
cyberseraphim · 21/04/2008 11:05

You say have made wills which is a good idea. These wills are sometimes called 'I love you' wills because they arise from the mutual desire to allow the survivor to inherit. By contrast a spouse has some irrevocable rights in succession if the other marriage partner dies (while still married).

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