How to split bills with DP?

[Bluesprinkles12]

So I own a (mortgaged property) and my partner is planning to move in soon.

I am wondering how to best split the bills and any future renovations etc?

He’s said that he’s happy to pay half of all the bills including mortgage but since he likes the comfort of renting and not having to pay or think about any renovations or any issues with the property, he would like to just treat me as a landlord essentially and for me to just handle it all, both logistically as well as financially.

I am not sure how I feel about that, since yes he will be paying half but I will be much worse off long term since I will have to pay for all the work done to the house? But then again I understand he would have no right when it comes to the property as his name would not be on the deed.

I’m just looking for advice on how best to handle this situation

But of course you should pay for all the work done on your house since you're the one that owns it? I would have thought it's pretty generous of him already to offer to pay half your mortgage.

Considering the vast bulk of MN seems tot hik that in a situation like this the man should pay a maximum of half bills, and ZERO towards the rent, you're ahead of the curve already.

If the house is remaining in your name and you are the beneficiary, then sure, you should pay for maintenance and upkeep. Having said that, it's not much of a partnership if he's treating you like a landlord.

Also, no matter what, you need to get a solicitor to draw up an agreement to be clear that he is NOT going to have any equity in the event of a breakdown.

Thank you I appreciate the honesty.

although I struggle to see how him paying half my mortgage is ‘generous’. Surely if he was renting he would be paying that (and MUCH more) in rent anyway, so cannot quite see it like that.

My issue isn’t right now per se, it’s the long term arrangement. He’s not interested in owning a property so I can see this becoming an issue down the line if I’m to carry both the logistical and financial implications of any home improvements etc

I think he’s totally right that he essentially pays you rent and you’re responsible for the upkeep of the house.

I think you need to get something drawn up so that he’s only paying rent/bills and not contributing to the mortgage otherwise he may just claim on the house should you split up.

although I struggle to see how him paying half my mortgage is ‘generous’. Surely if he was renting he would be paying that (and MUCH more) in rent anyway, so cannot quite see it like that.

It's not his bill/debt/house so he doesn't have to pay anything towards it so I would say half is generous

Equally you’re saving in outgoings by him contributing, and the equity in the house is entirely yours, so I think you’re actually getting a great deal here.

If he doesn’t move in you’re responsible for all the bills, and still responsible for home improvements anyway, you’re gaining here.

Yes this is exactly my concern, I struggle to see how we can be in a real partnership if he’s to pay me half my mortgage but then everything else ends up being my issue only.

I understand that the house is mine and mine only but no doubt I will have to consider him in a lot of the decisions.

For example, I’m planning on doing some work in my kitchen soon and I don’t feel like I would be able to make all the decisions to my liking if he’s living there as well? Surely I would have to compromise and we would have to agree on what WE want? But then if I’m the only one paying for it then compromising would become very difficult

No, why would you need to compromise on any decisions? It’s your house, do what you like, I think you’re completely overthinking this.

Yes, I 100% agree that it’s not his debt and I’m gaining by him moving in with me.

But atm I’m struggling to see how this agreement is going to work long term.

Because for me although on ‘paper’ my house, it would be our home. But I think you might be right in saying that I’m overthinking it. Thank you

What are your thoughts on marriage?

Don’t Let him move in , because you are not compatible in what you want in life.

He wants to rent forever , you already own .

He wants no responsibility and you already have some.

By all means, go on dating if you just want something casual.

If you are stupid enough to let him move it, get a cohabitation agreement drawn up by a solicitor beforehand.

How old are you and do you ever want children?

I’m 25 and he is in his early 30’s.

We both would like children but not anytime soon but it is a concern. That’s why I’m wondering how/if it can work long term.

I would like to get married in the future.

Surely if you're not married or even engaged, then what he's proposing is actually very fair. It's your home, you've already paid a lot into it and he's being very respectful of that, whilst now also contributing half to your outgoings.

Obviously if you get married then you can come to a more equal arrangement where you both split everything, and that would mean him contributing to repairs, but then also you're also splitting the house itself (and would hopefully put it into both your names).

He sounds like he is being very sensible. For you as much as himself. The last thing you want is him contributing to anything to do with your house, which you solely own. In the event of a separation, if he could prove significant financial input that would not be good for you. I’d be reluctant to take half the mortgage payment off him too tbh.

I'd get a tenancy agreement drawn up and signed if this was me.
I am under the impression that if he is paying anything towards the mortgage then he could have a claim to the house if you break up.

As for what he should be paying, if he is happy with a renting situation then charge him half the bills, half the rent, plus a lump on top for ongoing maintenance/repairs/improvements.

You need to see a solicitor and get something drawn up to protect your asset. If he is not going in the deeds and you are unmarried then no he shouldn't have to pay for improvements / repairs.

Instead of charging half the mortgage I would charge a fixed amount (slightly more) to pay towards upkeep etc. eg something where you are both benefiting, he is saving vs renting elsewhere and you are getting half the mortgage plus some extra.

I would be keen to have any payment clearly distinguishable from the mortgage, to show it's rent and not related to the mortgage

It sounds like you're thinking ahead and further down the line and how the dynamics will work, that's very sensible in my opinion, saves you coming back in a few years wondering why he won't help with big decisions, and leaves it all to you, because it sounds like at the moment, he's happy to let you take on all the responsibility of managing everything with giving no input because you're not married or have any children together yet and it's still quite new, that's the correct thing to do for now but If you're both looking ahead to marriage and children, it's totally reasonable to be wondering how it's gonna work, he needs, at some point, to be able to make joint financial decisions with you, but it sounds like he wants the arrangement you have now, to be the same even after children and marriage?

It seems to me you're more seeking reassurance that's he's gonna be an equal partner further down the line and take an active part in the planning, decision making, research, organising, and all the other responsibilities that come with managing a home.

Then you need to think very carefully about this, the minute you get married all assets are 50/50, so if you see a future together that involves getting married that would obviously immediately alter the house situation.

You’re not wrong to be thinking about how this works long term so make sure you consider marriage from a practical perspective and discuss this with him now.

I think this would work in the short term (a year or so) while you get used to living together and know if you're compatible. But you need a conversation now and to agree a point at which you will review the arrangement eg. 2 years time. I think you should make it clear now what you would like for the future - joint house, marriage and kids. That's when it will become tricky if you're on maternity leave and he is covering all the bills etc. I think you'd both come to resent each other then.

As others have said, if he contributes to your mortgage payments or work on the house, he may have a claim on your house. It's important that you protect yourself and your investment. Now, I completely understand that you are asking questions and feeling unsure of the direction of the relationship as you are considering marriage and children. If you're planning on moving in together, you need to discuss these things. Best of luck

@Bluesprinkles12 how can you marry him and have children with him when you want totally diferent things in life ? Honestly this is just stupid and a waste of your time . Set him free and go and look for a man who wants the same things as you. you are WAY too young to settle.

He’s not a child, he’s in his 30s and he’s not going to change just because you move him in. otherwise you will be back here in 8 years complaining that he still won’t marry you or do half the housework and asking mumsnetters if he will change when you have a baby . ( Here’s a clue to the answer - he won’t ).

I would worry about moving in with someone in their 30s who likes the ‘comfort’ of renting. If you have a problem in your house is he going to sit on his arse and do nothing? If you have kids will he be just as laid back?