Mortgage free or savings and attitude/worries around oney

[Stripeysuitcase]

Hi all,

I'm really struggling to decide what to do with my finances and change my life for the better. I am in the position where after saving I could pay off my mortgage next year, c. £60k. I have 80k in savings. My current mortgage is c. £420 at around 1.4%. I expect next July I'd have to remortgage at around 5%.

Because I am self employed, disabled and sometimes have periods when I can't work I chose to structure my mortgage with a fixed payment and then a DD of an overpayment, but when the interest rates changed this has been going into a savings account. I now have a huge amount of guilt around not paying this but feel like I can't use it for other things.

The main reason I have savings is that I am terrified of spending money and have awful guilt around this. I had a difficult upbringing around money and remember us nearly losing the house several times, being bullied for being a 'tramp' and just a constant atmosphere around not being able to afford anything. We had a lovely house and didn't go without but everything was second hand and I was very aware that my parents were struggling. It had a really big effect on me as now I find spending money on myself very difficult and I find anything about people doing without really upsetting. Like if a film shows someone living in poverty I get terrible anxiety (I know this sounds ridiculous). I can agonise over a 5p difference in the supermarket and won't buy myself anything new, it always has to be from a charity shop. I am working on this but the guilt doesn't go away. At the same time I can buy my dad a £2000 electric bike and send them on holiday. I don't understand why I can't do this for myself.

So... I am finding that even though I have savings I have horrific guilt around them and can't decide how to use them. Honestly just seeing the money in the bank makes me feel better than exchanging it for something. I hate it, as it means I don't live my life and when I do I feel crap about it.

I know some people reading this will think I'm ridiculous and 'spoilt'. But I have never had an inheritance or a well paying job (worked with wildlife charities and creative industry). I got my house completely on my own with no help for the deposit. So whilst this is 'good' I have this awful regret that I have money mostly because I've not lived my life. It's exasperated because my identical twin and partner have both lived their lives and travelled the world and by comparison I feel huge regret.

I am also desperate to move from a terraced house to a more rural detached arrangement because I struggle with noise, but am just completely priced out of that market. So I'm trying to think about how I can work towards this.

Sorry this is long. I think what I'm asking is two things: 1. can anyone advise on what may be the best financial sense for me in terms of either remortgaging or paying the whole thing off and having less savings? Particularly as I'd like to move soon?

1. Does anyone have any advice around changing attitudes to money and savings and being able to buy things because you either want them or they're better, and not just because they're the cheapest?

I do appreciate this isn't all just about money though and a lot about my mental health. Please be kind. I know I am in a good position in comparison to lots of people but I don't feel this way and have huge regrets about how I've spent life. It feels so ingrained and feel like Scrooge. I hate it so much and feel so much guilt every day.

Thanks for getting this far, sorry if it's a bit all over the place.

I didn't want it to be too long but there are other considerations too, I don't have anything besides a state pension be ausr I'm self employed, my partner doesn't 'want' a mortgage so just pays me rent to live in my house, I'm unlikely to get any inheritance from my parents, and I don't have children so no future support (although this obviously isn't expected) so I feel like I'm just completely on my own with money. It is so overwhelming making these life decisions and I am worried about the future.

Why don't you see an independent financial advisor?

For what it's worth, I would pay off the mortgage and continue to save money as if I still had a mortgage. Get a stocks and shares ISA, you can contribute to it throughout the year, £20,000 tax free.

Have an easy access savings account with 6 months worth of expenses in it. Put all the rent money your partner contributes to into this account, so if you can't work, you have wiggle room for 6 months.

Have £5,000 in a separate account for unexpected bills such as car break, fridge, boiler etc going.

I'm like you, can't spend on myself easily, I have to really really feel like I've sweated blood for that money, and then because I've worked to hard, seems stupid to spent it on shite.

I read somewhere that rich people never spend their own money. I just replaced an appliance that cost me £800, but I put it on a 0% interest card payable in the next 24 months. I have the money, but I am leaving them in the 7% interest account with Santander, I'm paying £34 a month (800:24=33.33). This way, I don't feel like I'm wasting my savings.
HTH

Paying your mortgage off would give you the ultimate security, plus your mortgage and rent payments can go straight into savings to alleviate that worry.

I obviously don't know what your disability is, but I wouldn't move rurally. I would want to remain connected.

I would seek counselling.

Pay off your mortgage and divert the money you would normally pay monthly into a savings account, and the rent from your partner into a pension fund for you. He still has to pay rent even when you're mortgage free!

A financial advisor can help you secure the best savings account and private pension.

Note to everyone: just because you're self employed doesn't mean you can't have a private pension. Everyone should and can have a private pension. Just pay in what you can afford - even £10 a month will mount up.

I always buy everything on interest free credit, or in the sale, or with a voucher! I very, very rarely pay full price for anything. Nothing wrong with being careful with your money, look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves!

I used to work with a man who worried about money. If ever he needed to buy anything, he'd put the same amount into a savings account too, That was the only way he could justify the spend. Maybe that could help you too?

Thanks everyone, that's helpful. I think I'm anxious about a housing crash or something too, the money in the bank seems so much safer but what's the bloody point of it if I can't spend it?

Honestly every night I tell myself I'll do something nice tomorrow or booka holiday or buy the shoes I need and I just can't seem to do it.

I have a history of eating disorders, it's a bit like anorexia. Very hard for people to understand that you can't just eat the food and feel good about it if you're underweight if that makes sense.