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Original poster

Stay-at-home dad and mat leave logistics

14 replies

cornflakegirl · 04/01/2005 16:13

We're expecting our first baby in June, and the current plan is for my husband to stay at home and for me to go back to work.

I want to have a few months off after the birth - to be able to breastfeed etc. However, my husband is a supply teacher, which means that the start of the £100 a week SMP period will pretty much coincide with him not earning.

Part of me is really glad that he'll be at home to get to know the baby too, and get ready for staying at home all the time. But I'm not quite sure what we're going to live on!

Anyone got any advice? Or do we just need to get used to being broke for the next couple of years?

Emma

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 04/01/2005 16:16

can your husband still work while you take your few months off, then stop work as you go back?

mistletoe · 04/01/2005 16:18

Emma

I can't tell you about the legal aspects, but I can tell you that once you have a baby you will be broke, most of the time.

It's difficult getting used to one income (I stopped work, had been earning about 2/3 rds of dh's salary), and you weill always find things you want to buy for baby.

Hope someone in the know can fill you in with the legal aspects.

lalaa · 04/01/2005 16:21

My advice is start saving. And get a flexible mortgage.

Can your husband do some exam marking in the summer (if he's a secondary school teacher?). Or can he teach at a summer school, or get work on one of the holiday week programme thingys that run for school kids in the summer holiday.

Good luck!

alicatsg · 04/01/2005 16:32

ooh you could be me last May! We compromised - he worked as much as poss till April and then we did a handover of jobs before I went back in May. Save as much as you can, check things like saving money on mortgages and utilities and the like.

mistletoe · 04/01/2005 16:36

Oh, when it comes to advice on saving, try this site

It helps with utilities and mortgages and stuff, and with little things too.

Original poster
cornflakegirl · 04/01/2005 16:43

alicatsg

did your husband find it weird suddenly being the full time carer? my main concern is that if he works till i go back, he'll have a huge learning curve suddenly caring for a 4 / 5 month old, instead of gradually getting used to it. am i being paranoid?

emma

OP posts:
alicatsg · 04/01/2005 16:48

He did have a big learning curve but then so did I! I did a lot of lists of things and timetables of things to help him at first and I also froze loads of weaning foods and did the washing until he was ok.

Also I made him do loads at the weekend while he was working and made sure he had sole charge for whole days once a month ("honestly dear I'd far rather stay home than go out with the girls but you need to get used to being on your own with ds....")

We had our moments. Worst have been when I've had to work late and he's felt bored/neglected.

tribpot · 04/01/2005 16:51

Hi Emma,

I'm in a similar position to you, due in June, dh is (hopefully) going to be the stay at home daddy. I say 'hopefully' as the alternative is that he's [still] too unwell to take care of the baby, which will leave us in a bit of a pickle.

Can't help too much at this stage as we are both 'resting' IT contractors, so we won't be entitled to any benefits etc. I'd like to work now the first trimester is out of the way but am not going to be offered a permie job, let's face it, and am unlikely to get taken on for a short contract either.

I'm looking forward to us both being at home for the first six months, even though money-wise it's not ideal, but maybe as lalaa suggests, dh can do some work exam marking or maybe supply teaching but not full-time?

Anyway, just wanted to say 'hi', and hope things go well for you!

Nancy

alicatsg · 04/01/2005 16:53

Emma - if it'd help CAT me and I'll see if DH is happy to share his experiences with your other half. It hasn't been plain sailing but I think we're now working well together.

Original poster
cornflakegirl · 04/01/2005 17:02

alicatsg

that would be great - but i don't seem able to cat you - are you enabled?

emma

OP posts:
alicatsg · 04/01/2005 17:12

try again - if not just add @hotmail.com to my nickname

slug · 05/01/2005 14:47

Make sure the child benefit is in his name, then he has National Insurance Protection. Apart from that, enjoy. My dh gave up work when the sluglet was 1 to stay at home with her and I can honestly say it has been the making of him. So few men get this sort of opportunity.

KatieMac · 05/01/2005 20:36

The NI thig is called Home Responsibilities Protection and it's really important to get the CB book in his name

My DP found that he could go into lots of disabled loo for baby changing

He just went to the Mum & Tots and struggled to get people to talk then wnet to another one and he was fine

Original poster
cornflakegirl · 10/01/2005 10:07

Slug, KatieMac - thanks for that tip. The whole NI thing occurred to me the other day - I'll have to look into that more.

OP posts:
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