Mesher advice

[Lemonmelon1]

I recently married my husband but the financial side of his divorce from the ex is still ongoing.
Ex has now said they want a mesher order.
I understand that means my husband would stay on that mortgage until child reaches 18 unless triggered by another event etc.
What I'm trying to find out is how does that impact my marriage and our financial future together. Does it impact my husbands ability to do things like get a loan etc?
This isn't what I signed up for and I know it's my own fault marrying someone before this was all sorted but I was always told his ex was amicable.
Thanks and please no harsh words.

Explanation of a Mesher order:

https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/what-is-a-mesher-order/

As you're already married to him then it should have no effect on the status of your union.

If he is still tied to the house and contributing to its costs then that may impact on his 'score' for credit. I don't mean a bad debt type score but rather how a lender might assess ability to repay.

Thank you for the reply.
I know it doesn't affect our marriage as he was legally divorced from her it was just the financial side left to finalise.
I'm just wondering how it impacts us financials as a couple. If it's something I need to worry about. We rent and won't be in a situation to buy a house. I'm just more worried about them being financially tied for potentially 12 years. Could this impact him if she gets into debt on the mortgage etc

Yes and she can now request your joint wealth. He will not be able to get another mortgage easily as the banks will see he is already borrowing. I can't remember if this would equally count as a second home if you were to purchase together.

If he is staying on the mortgage but she is responsible in reality paying the mortgage then his credit rating will be impacted.

Has a solicitor advised you how likely they think she would be in getting a masher order. They are not used often anymore with most courts preferring a clean break arrangement

Yes we have a solicitor and have already had 2 court cases the first she didn't turn up for! It's cost 5k in fees so far which we were hoping the equity in the house world cover.
Our solicitor said at the start she didn't think the court would accept a Mesher as it would be for 12.5 years which is a stupidly long time. Husband has asked for a clean break and ex is now applying for a Mesher. My hubby will not agree to this which means another court case and more expense again!!
I can see her side. She has a lot of debt and can't get a mortgage on her own. But the thought of him being tied to her for another 12 years is not something I want in my life tbh.

Unless he's very wealthy/highly paid, it's very unlikely that a mesher will be awarded, clean break and 50% of assets is the norm with more than 50.% if circumstances are difficult

He's on benefits due to ill health as am I. He also lives with my 3 kids who all have disabilities.

In which case she has very little chance of getting a Mesher order.

Ok thanks for that.
Hes worried as courts seem to always go in the woman's favour.

Courts like Clean Breaks. We all like Clean Breaks. A Mesher Order is very unlikely.
But... she's dragging this out and making it an expensive process when it doesn't need to be. I wish solicitors would say, "Don't do that. You're wasting time, spending silly money. Your demands are unrealistic and stupid and besides, a judge will say 'no'." Their honesty would save us all so much time and money. But then, their job is not to speed things up.
My ex has spent three years asking for the moon on a stick- things that no judge would order. Yet his solicitor enables this by complying with my ex's wishes. I don't even see him as a solicitor but a Messenger of Unrealistic Shit.
The financial pot that should be going towards our children's needs is paying for his solicitor's holidays and probably his wife's lip filler and botox.
My ex did a court no-show as well. £5k gone, down the drain. And I am fully supporting our three children while my ex sits in prison, carving his list of useless, inane demands on his cell wall to tell his solicitor over the phone.
I swear, divorce shows you how abusive and controlling people are. It's awful. I hope your partner's divorce speeds up, OP. It's soul destroying.

But really, back to the matter at hand, don't sweat the Mesher Order. It won't happen.

She is representing herself so this hasn't cost her a penny meantime my hubby has had to take out loans to cover it all. First court case was £1200 as our solicitor couldn't be there so had a temp barrister and his ex didn't even show. We tried to get costs back from her but she claimed she didn't know about it (blatant lie) and the last judge let her off.
She has dragged it all out. The divorce side hubby paid for and she tried to delay that but thanks to the new no fault divorce she don't hold it up!
She's asked for this side to be delayed and yet now she's blaming hubby saying it could have been sorted out of court despite the fact she was refusing.
It's a nightmare.
I'm sorry you're going through it all too.

If there are children, their needs become the focus. Finances tend to be shaped around supporting them. But don't let this scare you into thinking, 'she'll get everything'. Both parties need enough to live on and raise the children together. He too will need to house his children (if there are children), not just his ex-wife, even if she's the primary parent with whom the children live.

I have three children and a four bedroom house. I'm not 'getting' the house or the Mesher Order. I'm getting what I realistically need. And the Mesher Order was never going to be an option anyway because it's unrealistic and a good lawyer will tell you that from the onset.
The first thing I was told by three different lawyers (based on my assets/debts) was, "You will be selling the family home. Know this now." Harsh, honest, good! Nobody likes hearing it but it's better to know the lay of the land so that we don't set unrealistic expectations. A good lawyer will give you hope and help you lower any unrealistic expectation. It's about getting what we need as opposed to getting what we want. It's a compromise but that's life.

He has one child with the ex.
He lives with me and my 3 children who all have disabilities.

A Mesher order is not used much these days and would only been granted in limited circumstances like the kids are doing exams like GCSEs next summer so moving house isn’t the best thing to do.

The child is 5 and going into year 1 in September so that doesn't apply. The ex has a lot of debt and has been in and out of work so can't get a mortgage on her own. She's saying she can't afford to rent either which is why she wants to keep the house.

Ah she's self representing.. which is great if you're realistic and you kind of understand the legal framework you're working within (and you get this understanding by consulting solicitors and/or direct access barristers along the way). I went into self-repping thinking, 'know your rights, know his rights, know the children's rights and lower your expectations.' It's straight forward and it kept me stable. It's also helped me to accept that life will look differently after my divorce. I'll have less wealth, but more agency over my life. And that's a good compromise.

I represented myself all the way up until the financial part of the divorce (the splitting of assets can be so complex and I'm not smart enough to do that bit on my own). I self-represented to save money. But now that I have a solicitor, I really believe my ex is trying to make me run out of funds. He's upped the ante; court no shows, endless demands, anything that keeps my bill rising he's doing. And it's working a treat. I am broke as a joke. My ex has spent an incredible amount on our divorce. He's just a demand-a-minute type of person, always has been and the divorce is just highlighting all of his worst qualities. My sincere worry is that the legal fees will be so sky high, the capital that should be spent on housing the children and me will be spent paying silly, avoidable legal fees.

The downside of self representing is that it can really allow a person to be abusive and controlling. That said, my ex's solicitor certainly isn't holding him to account for his behaviour. He's quite happy to keep writing demanding emails at £160 a pop. And they really are stupid demands, "I want two copies of my hard drives: One on a toshiba external drive and the other... blah blah frickin' blah." It is exhausting! It's like, "Don't you have some soap to drop in prison?" Sorry. I digress.

The thing about self-repping is you still have to pay for advice from solicitors and barristers. You still need expert legal minds to guide and advise you. The fact that she's applying for a Mesher Order means she may not have had (or wanted to hear) a solicitor advising her against applying for one, which they tend to do (Mesher Orders are out of date and unappealing). She'll find this out the expensive way which also affects you because it means another trip to court.

I really feel your plight. The whole thing is exhausting.

Yep that's it. She was saying before she's had advice from her mortgage advisor who was saying she'd get a mortgage. So the court granted her 3 months to get enough pay slips for a mortgage. I knew she wouldn't get one as she was out of work a lot last year. Now she's finally realised that it's trying for a Mesher order. Another way of dragging the whole thing out longer and meaning less money from the equity by the time the fees are paid. She's claiming it's all in the best interests of the child but she just uses him as a weapon.
I'm fed up of all the drama and uncertainty. If she gets a Mesher order I don't know how to keep going as it feels a hold on our life's for 12 years.

Been to see our solicitor today. She thinks courts are going to grant a Mesher but maybe for a shorter time like 3-5 years rather than the 12 years until child is 18.
Got a court hearing in a few weeks where the judge will make recommendations so we will have a better indication.

Yeah, vanishingly small chance of a mesher order.

I think what’s complicating this is the fact that she can argue that his housing needs are met because he lives with you. So under those circumstances she could argue that he has no need to sell the FFH.

I know you this but just saying for the benefit of other posters. Never more in with or marry anyone who does not have their divorce finalised including financial consent order.

Oh flip, what a mess. What possessed you to marry him before this was finalised? Clearly his housing needs are now met following his marriage to you. and he still remains on the mortgage with his ex with no impact on his own situation, therefore it looks likely that the court will allow this to continue for the benefit of the child as it appears to be working now. And she will no doubt miss mortgage payments, affecting his credit rating and ability to get a mortgage/credit in the future and forcing him to pay her mortgage.

He will not be able to cover the mortgage payments if she misses them so the house would have to go into repossession.
The financial order was started before we got married at which point our solicitor said she would not get a Mesher order for that length of time and a clean break was the likely outcome. Never did she mention a shorter Mesher etc.
Hubby and I both have ill health so are unable to work. I also have 3 children with additional needs. We've had to take out loans to cover these court costs. She has made it as awkward as she can and dragged out every stage of it yet claiming she's amicable and playing the victim card.
I don't get it. If the house was sold she'd have a nice lump sum to start again renting somewhere. It's what I've had to do since leaving my ex. I left him the house and restarted with just 5k. I could have gone for so much more but I did the decent thing. I just wish all people could be more reasonable.