How much child maintenance would help your child live comfortably?

[AgilePinkGoose]

Hi everyone,

Very naive question here but I was genuinely wondering how much a month in maintenance mums felt would help ease the load of being a primary carer if your ex-partner lives in another city and isn't really around to be hands on with childcare day to day? I know its a hugely vague question and everyone has different living costs, was kind of hoping to just see what people said! I looked on reddit but its not the best vibe on there and its mainly dads complaining about having to pay CM which isn't useful at all. Sorry if this question is too vague or phrased weirdly.

I'd start by putting the paying parents salary into the cms calculator to see what legally they would have to pay.

What you actually "need" is going to vary a lot on location/lifestyle etc

It won't make any difference what the kids actually cost you probably won't get more than CMS calculated.

I'm an ideal world you would work out the cost of feeding the child (remember a 3 year old will cost less that a 15 year old!). How much the clothes cost. Cost of extra gas electric and water. Clubs and activities. Difference in price for renting/buying a house without a bedroom for the child. Cost of childcare. Big purchases like car seat buggy child furniture. I'd you opt to pay extra on your insurance for legal cover and a courtesy car as you know you can't cope on public transport with a small child? More expensive internet packages to cover the extra use?

Literally everything the child costs you. Divide by two and the ideal world would be that figure. The reality is you probably won't get even half the childcare

For me, the biggest cost is that when we divorced and I had to buy a house alone, I needed an additional bedroom for my DC (obviously).

The cost of my mortgage is therefore higher, which isn't variable based on how many nights ex has DC.

So when he meticulously plans to have him 104 night, because he can pay me £100pm less than if he had him 103, it's a ball ache. My mortgage isn't less on the nights there's no small child asleep in the bedroom.

(Note £100pm doesn't keep a small child in soft fruits and berries never mind anything else, and I'm sure they get excruciatingly more expensive as teens!)

Why are you asking? Are you a non resident parent trying to demonstrate how much 'extra' money you're paying the resident parent? Or are you a resident parent who has been asked this question by your non resident ex partner?

Whatever the driver for the question there isn't a single correct answer but understanding the motivation behind the Q might help.

Oh also I'm your OP you use the phrase "hands on" do not use that phrase. Is not "isn't really around to be hands on with childcare day to day" you should say "is not parenting his child"

Sorry I'll clarify. We live in England, my partner's child now lives in Scotland as of 2 months ago. He has her for 4 days at the end of each month but isn't there day to day. He's picked up weekend work and was trying to see how much more to contribute above the CMS calculator. His child's mother has said some pretty nasty things about his educational level and his mother's mental health issues etc and during the course of their relationship was physically abusive (noted in police records before this gets spun around as him lying) so they don't have contact outside of very basic discussions about their child's wellbeing, he primarily speaks to her mother. He's just been trying to work out how much of his weekend salary on top of his current CMS payment he'd have to contribute to be covering about half of his daughter's costs.

He should just declare the extra income to the CMS and they'll tell him. He actually has a legal obligation to tell them if his circs change.

Yes sorry I should have said, he's declared it! He got the extra weekend work to contribute more financially and to also to build up an emergency savings pot so its more about how much extra above the CMS amount he should contribute?

It sounds as though we wants to contribute more than the CMS calculation (which is a bare minimum).

How much would you find a reasonable amount above? I suggested 100-150 but I'm not a parent and I'm not sure if that's an insulting amount to add on and if it should be more?

Is the mother working? Paying childcare? Did the other work before having the child?

If didn't work before and not working now and the benefits system is supporting them then maybe £150 would be reasonable. Maybe.

But if she's had to quit work to care for the child or is paying childcare so she can work then he should be paying half the childcare on top of the CMS amount to be fair. Or paying half the difference in previous salary and what she gets in benefits. Or if she changed jobs to fit around school hours then pay CMS plus half the loss of salary.

If he really wanted to be fair that's what I would say anyway

Unless the CMS calculator come back with a tiny amount then what I said above but add £400 a month.

Or if the CMS calculator comes back with something like £800 or more then he can afford to pay much more.

According to Child Poverty Action Group,the cost of raising a child to age 18 as a single parent is £220,000. This is based on the MINIMUM acceptable standard. You can find the report on the Group's website. Your husband's half share would work out at £510 a month.

Did the mother move the child away?

Yes she moved for work

Thank you! This is exactly what I wanted to find. So really he needs to put himself in the financial position to pay £600 or more a month. I think even with the weekend work that's currently not possible (he's paying £300 CMS +100 top up this month) but he's doing night school at the moment so hopefully in the next few months he can get better paying roles and be able to pay that minimum 510 and ideally more.

Yes the calculator based on his new work is just under 300 so he's paying 400 this month (ie a £100 top up) but based on what you and Achdinnae said I think he probably should be paying more (in the 500-600 range minimum) so it may be a case of continuing to interview for better paid roles in the next few months so he can get there. Thanks everyone!

The other option is to continue paying mum the CSM amount and 1/2 childcare costs and then as the child gets older pay the child directly via savings / premium bonds / current account to give DC a nest egg and support at uni or buying a house when older or for their own spends as the hit the teen years.

I calculated a few years ago how much my DC cost me. This was things like rent for a house suitable for 3 people rather than a shared room. A portion of all the bills etc (taking into account that a room in a house has bills included).

Even allowing for any child related benefits I got, the NRPs "share" was a couple of hundred pounds per month.

And that was before COL increases.

Disclaimer before any says he also needed a house big enough for them to sleep over, he refused to have them for more than 1 day per week and often only fed them 1 meal on that day.

For your partner to be paying £500 he would need to be earning over 44k a year... it's not all about money. Your parter could do 4 weeks in the summer holidays and other holidays too.

@AgilePinkGoose NC for this as people get quite nasty and bitter about maintenance payments on here I’ve found!

Ex should pay me 850 by CMS but he pays 1,200 and also buys things here and there like clothes or shoes etc. I feel this is more than enough but then dd is only 3. I don’t know if I would feel differently if she was older.