What happens if DS's father and I can't agree about him having an operation?

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DS's father and I are no longer together, his name is on DS's birth certificate.

DS needs an operation, it's not been clear about whether he should have it or not, but his condition is now getting worse and, although there are some risks involved (of making things worse not better, nothing life-threatening)the specialist is now saying that it would be a good idea to operate now. I agree with him, but DS's father is very set against it - he seems to have blown the risks out of all proportion to the likely benefits. I've tried getting the specialist to talk him around and he's softened a bit and we're going to get a second opinion to see if he'll listen to two consultants. The benefits of the op are time-dependent; the longer we leave it now, the less well it will work so if he still won't consent to the surgery after the second opinion, I'd like some idea of my legal position and what I'd have to do to over-ride DS's father (or if I can do it at all?). It wouldn't be difficult to get a specialist to agree that the surgery is in DS's best interest; the argument against it is more about irrational fear of any surgery than anything reasoned.

I am afraid that if you can't get agreement from him you will have to apply to the court for a specific issue order to allow the operation to go ahead. If the doctors think the operation is necessary then it seems very likely that the court will support you. I think you could get a fairly quick court hearing in the circs but you probably have to see a solicitor to get advice on best way forward.

But this would be such a shame, a definite last resort because it is likely to make your ex even more intransigent. therefore I am keeping my fingers firmly crossed that he can be persuaded by the specialist as this would definitely be the best way forward...

BUT not at the cost of your ds's health. so if ex really is dragging his heels then you do have the court option as outlined above.

I'm going to do my best to convince him; I'm just hoping that the doctors have some experience of convincing reluctant parents. He is coming out with some of his nuttier fears to the docs that he won't tell me about. I don't think it will go that far, I just want some idea of what I've got to do if it does.

I hope it helps to know you have options; I can't see there is any way he would be permitted to stop an operation that you and all the relevant medical people thought was in DS's best interests but you might have to go thru courts.

Is there any one else he can talk to, like a family member or mutual friend who could help reassure him? Sounds like he could be scared or confused. Sometimes doctors are not the best ones at getting info accross.

good luck.