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Victim of abuse in debt

10 replies

suomynona1 · 28/07/2024 15:32

My mum, who's been financially abused by my dad for years, is currently penniless. (I will link the thread with the background details below). She has no assests, and her only income in a little bit of ESA. She's medically retired. She's been asking for financial help recently, and asking to help find her a job (even though she remains quite unwell). I'm in no position to support her as I was before (I have a young family and I'm a SAHM at the moment). But I managed to get her accepted for legal aid and we're proceeding with her divorce, and I just advised her that she needs to be patient and manage with her little budget until everything is settled (she has no rent or mortgage thankfully).

She has a credit card she's maxed out on (£800), and she's in her overdraft on her debit card (£400). I proposed giving her cash until her ESA payment gets paid. But while I was arranging this (I live in a different city), she takes out a 6k loan without informing anyone from a company that's is rated quite poorly on Trust Pilot, at almost 45% interest. She'll need to pay back £8700 over 4 years at around 180/mo. When I found out, I was utterly distraught.

Right now we have 2 options:

There is still a couple of days left of the grace period which allows her to withdraw from the loan within 14 days and to pay back the loan (with interest which is around £3/day) within 30 days. £1200 has gone on repaying her credit card and overdraft. My mum has spent an additional £800 (her unsustainable spending is a story for another day- she didn't used to be like this, but seems to have just given up on life). I don't have access to £2000, although I could try to raise this in 30 days.

The second option is she declares bankruptcy. This will prevent her from taking out loans in the future. Her phone DD is currently being paid by myself.

Going forward I know we need to address the spending, but in the immediate term, I would be grateful for advice about how to manage the issue of this loan.

Many thanks

OP posts:
suomynona1 · 28/07/2024 15:33

The previous thread with background info:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5122876-at-a-complete-loss-abusive-father-abandonment?reply=136891251

OP posts:
whichfan · 28/07/2024 15:45

what on earth is she spending on?

where is she living?

LondonQueen · 28/07/2024 15:51

What is she spending so much money on? She needs to find a job and sort this out. She has made the situation much worse by taking out a loan, especially at such a high interest rate.

whichfan · 28/07/2024 15:55

OP what is your partner like?

suomynona1 · 28/07/2024 16:38

@whichfan @LondonQueen mostly on groceries. She buys fresh meat and fresh veg daily for her meals. Like 30-50£ daily on groceries. The rest is transport (she's mainly using the bus now but was previously taking a log of Ubers), and the odd cafe visit.

Good relationship with my DH but we're on a tight budget since I stopped working and I don't want to burden him with this.

OP posts:
Friendofdennis · 28/07/2024 16:54

Contact Stepchange to discuss this urgently. They should be able to give you some choices

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/07/2024 17:03

Get her to the CAB or a debt advice charity. They can advise on her options and do a benefits check.

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 17:15

There is a template letter on the Martin Lewis website that you can use to write to your creditors requesting interest and fees are stopped. You send that with a breakdown of your income and outgoings, other debts, and an offer of how much you can afford to pay back each month.

That will give her a breather whilst you sort everything out, and she will be paying off her debts.

She won't be able to get any credit whilst on the debt payment plan, so will need some assistance with financial management. The CAB or Step Change can help her with this.

suomynona1 · 30/07/2024 23:34

Thank you all so much for your help. We've managed to talk some sense into my mum, have withdrawn from the loan agreement and are in the process of raising the funds to return the money. Thanks again!

OP posts:
Ozanj · 30/07/2024 23:43

If their marriage is recognised legally in the home country where your dad’s property is, sharia law can be used to force him to pay alimony to her & to support your brother. Speak to a solicitor and they can recommend options

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