Husband not contributing at all

[MrsSuu]

Hi,

I am totally and utterly trapped in my marriage and see no solution how to leave it. I am married with three children. I work full time as a teacher and my husband is ‘self employed’. He works from home doing whatever he pleases and currently contributes nothing. I am covering every single bill and failing because my wages just aren’t enough.

He is the best dad and is always around for our children however his bad business decisions in the past have lead him to remortgage our house not once but twice. We now have a second mortgage on our home because his previous business failed. He is also not paying that.

I feel totally trapped because if I leave I wouldn’t be able to afford rent alone and I haven’t the money to buy him out of the mortgage. I have no family to ask for support. I want to keep my children in their school and home but there isn’t a solution that I can think of.

This month after paying everything on the 1st I have been left with nothing. I have been unable to even buy food. When I challenge my husband he states ‘he is working on it’ and that things are in place for the future.

We have been together for over 18 years now and I am totally broken. I just keep putting on a brave face. I have told him I want to leave the marriage but he just dismisses me and say that as soon as the finances are there everything will be okay.

I am at a loss as to what to do, I don’t think I can access any financial support because I work full time and have a mortgage.

I cannot face another month living like this.

He needs to get a job before you lose the house. It doesn’t matter if it’s not in his field. Anything to bring some money in. But I expect you’ve had this conversation over and over.

If he refuses again, you can separate and claim single parent benefits, UC etc even while he’s living in the house.

Do you have cars, watches, jewellery or anything you can sell to raise some money to see you through a couple of months and catch up on the second mortgage?

I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you all.

'He is the best dad'

Oh no he's not. He is an appalling father.

Dear OP,
Please consider placing a charge on the property so that no further loans/equity can be released from the property without your permission or knowledge via the land registry. It is easily done online with a couple of pounds charge.

1. Contact the homeless unit immediately, they may be able to circumvent the repossession process - their role is to prevent homelessness especially if there are children.

Enquire about food banks who also provide toiletries/sanitary items - some require a referral, many do not, many cater to professionals who are going through cost of living issues. In Londob, the wait for a 2 bed flat or house is ten years, emergency accommodation is a single room for a family, usually a travellodge. You can turn this around now that school is out Also get some support around financial abuse from you domestic abuse service.

Get an appointment with a debt advisor for both of you at citizens advice or a debt charity (don't use a debt consolidation service).
They will tell you all your options.

A decent dad would take a full time NMW job and bring in £23k per year gross, around £1700 a month net

His business is clearly never going to work, so he needs to either except that and get off his sorry backside and get a job, or you need to except the situation will never change and before you know it, you'll be heading for an impoverished retirement with no security.
Tell him he has three months to get a job, or your marriage is over and you'll be starting divorce proceedings. You'll be much happier divorced than supporting a cocklodger.

@MrsSuu Tell him to get a job asap

Tell him the house is going up for sale

not ideal but if you loose the house and have bad credit you will still have your life back in 6 years , right now that seems closer then a lifetime stuck with this idiot. .

Are your family close or can you make a fresh start and move somewhere cheaper ?

He is taking the piss op
And yes he’s a crap dad

This is good advice .
you can live together but not be together and apply for UC

Once you look into everything you will feel better.

He is not the best dad if he isn't contributing and won't get a proper job to start.

You'll get help with rent and you'll have one less person to subsidise. Look at all the single parents out there who can afford to rent etc- you will be able to as well.

Fucking waste of space. Tell him to get to ASDA of similar and bring some money in.

Honestly thank you all so much for all of your advice. It is such an overwhelming situation and I don’t have parents who I can turn to for support but you have all given me so much to think about and do. I’ve always worked full time as a teacher so I’ve never really understood UC and thought I would be totally alone.