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Original poster

Please help me work out what DP and I should pay each!!

14 replies

TheBerry · 07/07/2024 19:56

DP and I are not married. We had DD a couple of years ago and I moved in to DP’s home.

DP owns two properties (the one we live in, and one he rents out). Both have a mortgage. He has a salary of 55k and has some savings and investments.

I have a salary of 38k but am “better off” than DP as I own one property mortgage free, which I rent out, and have a pretty good investment portfolio (like 150k). This is not due to my own talent - I’m fortunate to have a well-off parent who works in finance and gifted me the money for my house and investments.

DP and I have set up a joint current account and we were going to just pay equal amounts in each month to cover DD’s nursery and the household bills.

We then decided that in addition I would also pay all the money I earn from rent into the joint account. This seemed fair to me at first because if I wasn’t living with DP I wouldn’t even be able to rent my house out and earn that extra money.

However, thinking about it a bit more, I’m wondering whether that’s the right thing to do. DP doesn’t pay the rent he earns into the joint account (albeit a lot of it goes on his second mortgage), but I am paying all the rent I earn into it.

Am I being penalised simply because I’m fortunate enough not to have a mortgage to pay? Or is it fair that I should pay more as I am better off overall? Or should DP’s higher monthly salary also be taken into account? Or some other arrangement all together???

I am genuinely unsure what the fair/right thing is, and completely open to all suggestions. Please do let me know what you think so DP and I can get it settled.

OP posts:
Arielsmummy · 07/07/2024 20:02

Will your monthly payment to a joint account go towards the property you currently live in, that is in his name? If so, what happens if you break up...have you legally drawn up documents to protect your contribution to this mortgage? I'm asking as you are not married

Shouldbedoing · 07/07/2024 20:06

Were you to split, he only has to give you child maintenance. How kind of you to pay his mortgage for him without an interest in the property. 50% of relationships/marriages fail.

carly2803 · 07/07/2024 20:11

so you pay half his mortgage? give up your rent wage and hes quids in?

nope, unless your on his mortgage/deeds you shouldnt be paying towards his mortgage, more a token amount.

In your shoes I would pay 50% of all bills (except mortgage!) and a "rent" amount.

i would not be putting the rent money in the joint account - you need your independence in case you split

Original poster
TheBerry · 07/07/2024 20:28

To add: the half each that we are paying in will be to cover nursery and household bills but NOT mortgage. DP will pay his own mortgages.

However, I guess in effect I might as well be paying towards his mortgage if I also pay in all the rent money I’m earning?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBerry · 07/07/2024 20:29

carly2803 · 07/07/2024 20:11

so you pay half his mortgage? give up your rent wage and hes quids in?

nope, unless your on his mortgage/deeds you shouldnt be paying towards his mortgage, more a token amount.

In your shoes I would pay 50% of all bills (except mortgage!) and a "rent" amount.

i would not be putting the rent money in the joint account - you need your independence in case you split

How much do you think would be fair for the rent amount?

OP posts:
HAF1119 · 07/07/2024 21:33

Pay half the bills/childcare/food

Giving all the rent money no. He has the property you are living in plus another (albeit once the mortgages are paid) plus a higher salary

Tontostitis · 07/07/2024 21:55

This is difficult. You live mortgage free in a house he owns and have rental income. I would expect you to share it.

He earns more and I would expect him to share that.

For years we lived in my house, me the lower earner but mortgage free, and rented out dp, now dh's and he paid 1/3 rental into joint 1/3 to me and kept 1/3. We took a long time to truly share finances and only after 10 years or so did we put all properties in both names so I can see both sides as I really didn't think it was fair that he kept all rental income whilst living mortgage free in my home.

I don't think it's fair you pay all your rental income in while he builds a property empire. Suppose you sell your house would he be happy with the joint account paying the Capital Gains tax? 🤔 I think as you're not married I'd ask to revisit this arrangement and offer 1/3 into joint. Or I'd buy into the one you live in as you are effectively paying the mortgage on it whilst having zero entitlement.

Gabitule · 08/07/2024 20:14

I would pay 50% of all bills (except mortgage!) and an amount towards ‘rent" (ie living in his property). I would personally calculate this based on the cost of renting a room (or sharing half a house, depending on size of house etc) in your area.

Why you should you pay rent:

if you didn’t live with your partner you wouldn’t be able to rent out your own place, so you wouldn’t benefit from the rental income. This doesn’t mean you have to pay him all your rental income, as it’s not fair to improve his financial situation whilst yours remains the same. He will benefit even if you pay less rent than you receive from your tenants. You both need to agree on an amount which puts you both in a better financial position living together vs living separately.

Original poster
TheBerry · 08/07/2024 21:37

Gabitule · 08/07/2024 20:14

I would pay 50% of all bills (except mortgage!) and an amount towards ‘rent" (ie living in his property). I would personally calculate this based on the cost of renting a room (or sharing half a house, depending on size of house etc) in your area.

Why you should you pay rent:

if you didn’t live with your partner you wouldn’t be able to rent out your own place, so you wouldn’t benefit from the rental income. This doesn’t mean you have to pay him all your rental income, as it’s not fair to improve his financial situation whilst yours remains the same. He will benefit even if you pay less rent than you receive from your tenants. You both need to agree on an amount which puts you both in a better financial position living together vs living separately.

Thank you, I will do this!

Perhaps I will even factor in that I do all the cooking and most of the housework when I calculate the suggested rent amount 🙃

OP posts:
Gabitule · 08/07/2024 21:57

TheBerry · 08/07/2024 21:37

Thank you, I will do this!

Perhaps I will even factor in that I do all the cooking and most of the housework when I calculate the suggested rent amount 🙃

Show quote history

I would definitely factor in the hours spent cooking and cleaning!!

When I moved in with my ex I suggested that we either:
a) take turns to clean the house,
b) he pays me an amount to clean when his turn comes
c) get a cleaner

He obviously didn’t want to pay so he agreed that we’d take turns to clean. Except that when it was his turn he would do a terrible, terrible job (used excuses such as: ‘I don’t know how to use a mop’, ‘I can’t see mess on the floor because of poor eyesight’ or ‘the house is perfectly clean, it’s not my fault you’re a clean freak!’. So I stopped cleaning and got a cleaner instead. When he realised that he actually had to pay money to have the house clean, he started to notice every single speck of dust that the cleaner was missing and every smudge on the floor. Even though only weeks earlier he didn’t notice that he left the house filthy when it was his turn to clean!

Men are something else 😀! Perhaps the movie ‘No men allowed’ will eventually come true

Gabitule · 08/07/2024 21:59

I’ve been reading a book written by the Office of Național Statistics and apparently men have 65 mins per day extra leisure time than women.

Gabitule · 08/07/2024 22:42

The movie I was thinking about is actually called No men beyond this point

Maplelady · 08/07/2024 23:01

Yes, I agree. Half of bills and an a small rent charge. Basically what a lodger renting a spare room might pay. That way you both benefit. My partner lives in my house and we work things that way. I pay for the cleaner though (to make up for the fact that he’s better at housework than I am)

Original poster
TheBerry · 13/07/2024 13:16

Thank you everyone so much for your advice.

DP has read the thread and we agree that we’ll both pay half of nursery, food and bills (but not DP’s mortgage - he’ll pay all of that!) and then I’ll pay an extra £400 in as a “rent” amount.

I think we’re both happy now.

OP posts:
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