Inheritance-how to handle in marriage.

[Applestrudel71]

I’m due to receive some inheritance from DM, just over 100k. It’s more than I have ever had in my life before and for the first time we have some financial security (literally no savings at all previously, living month to month).
My initial feeling to try to preserve as much of it as possible. Upgrade the necessary stuff in the house (DC rooms, new sofa, yearly holidays, pay off some joint debt, fund other family days out etc) but keep as much as possible for future house move, children uni, 6 month savings if everything goes awry somehow.
DH would like to use it for more general/smaller things and I’m finding it difficult because I only really want it to go on larger more significant purchases that we couldn’t have afforded previously.
I feel bad that I’m making all the decisions and I want to be fair to DH but I’m finding it hard and feeling guilty either way.

If you have had an inheritance how did you manage this in terms of family spending/being fair to DH?

What do you mean about smaller general things? I think what you are planning is sensible and not unfair at all.

But it depends on what DH wants to spend it on and if it’s sensible.

Depends on how you normally do your finances. If you're an "everything in one pot and it's joint money" type of family, then you should both decide/agree.

If you have more of a separate money arrangement, then you get the main say.

If you have joint debt, it will probably make more sense to prioritise paying that off, though (unless it's interest free or very low interest).

I’m sorry for your loss. I would definitely do similar to you and keep a good cushion rather than spend it on day-to-day stuff. I also think your opinion should override DH’s as it’s your mother’s money.

Rooms, sofas, holidays- aren't they all just smaller things too. What is smaller ylthan those types of purchases that takes too much money?

Sorry for your loss, OP.

I would pay off debt and then take 10k and put that into the general pot - decide together what to spend it on - holidays/furniture/whatever. The rest I would put into the best savings account I could find and leave it for the future.

I inherited a similar amount, I used 70k towards a flat which I rent to my DC for 40% of the market rent and saved most of the rest. I actually found it harder than I expected to spend. It didn’t feel like a windfall, it felt like something very precious not to waste.
I have to say I didn’t discuss it with my DH as my DC was so unhappy in their house share I decided to take matters in my own hand and sort it out.

Dh wants to spend your inheritance his way? Def bloody not...

I would use a few hundred to buy a treat for each person. Something they want but is expensive. That would be like a gift from your loved one. The rest I would use sensibly in paying off debt first of all and then savings. Your bank will advise you on their accounts.

You’ve definitely got to budget and not fritter it away. Start with the big chunks - how much debt are you paying off? How much is 6 months salary and put into a saving account. How much do you want to ring fence for each of your DC - can you put in a junior isa for them. How much would you want to spend on a holiday? You can then see how much is left and decide if you want to spend it on smaller things.

TBH it sounds as if you have a lot of things you want to spend the money on (debt, house move, holidays, furniture, uni, long-term security etc) but without knowing the debt or how much you need to move house I should think your £100k(+) is going to be spread pretty thin.
Prioritise what you want/need and see about clearing the debt so you know exactly what you have and what is most important to you.

With regards to who gets to say how it is spent, in our house that is a joint decision as all money goes into a single pot and we both dip in as & when required (regardless of where the money came from).
That said, I know in MN world some keep finances completely separate and if that is your way then you need to decide what is fair.

So sorry for your loss. Agree with your thinking. A few big/essential things, even buying a holiday for everyone would be a massive treat but then save as much as you can for a future house move and to have some security. Spending it on smaller things will literally throw it away with little to show for it. Assuming your DH could save his day to day wages for smaller things if he wanted. You've got to be smart and strategic. You only get it once and when it's gone, it's gone.

Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately £100k won't buy as much as it used to and you have a long list. Number 1 should be paying off any debt, no. 2 rainy day savings. From your list, I'd keep £10k aside for a couple of holidays and sofa and £10K per child to help with uni costs. Might be a good idea to put some money in pensions too. Personally I'd then put any left over towards paying down the mortgage or towards a house deposit if you don't yet own.

Paying off joint debts, house purchase, holiday etc will benefit him in the long term too so I'd stick to your plans and keep it in your name if you can't trust him not to fritter it away.

Do you have a mortgage, OP?
How much in other debt?
What's your household income?

I think a look at your overall finances - debt, mortgage, etc, and personally I would prioritise spending and saving in a way which has the greatest benefit for the family long term.

And I would always say, take your time to decide. It may be burning a hole in your husbands pocket, but I would stash some of it in a higher interest account / isa to give you a breathing space.

Sorry you lost your DM. 💐

I'm wondering about the smaller things as well.
Does he want a takeaway every week or to go to the cinema/bowling, stop shopping at Aldi and go onto Waitrose?

Think your plan is sound, but as per pp you need to write out a plan as you probably won't be able to do all you want and you end up with nowt left as you've visited Disney 4 times.

You've got to be smart and strategic. You only get it once and when it's gone, it's gone

I agree, be very careful with this money. I would pay off your debt and put the rest in Premium Bonds and ISA accounts until you’re sure of what you want to do with it, the best short term ways to avoid paying tax. Or open a SIPP and put some of it in there (I think it’s £60K max per tax year you can put in).

Sorry for your loss.

We were given a similar amount by my parents and we paid off our mortgage.
are you mortgage free OP?

What kind of smaller things is he wanting to spend on? I think you’re plus sensible, and will benefit everyone.

If you pay off joint debt/mortgage then you’ll have more day to day spending avail anyway, maybe try explaining it to him that way? How much are you currently paying in debt? That’s now extra budget for smaller things on a non basis.

I would consider spending inheritance on things like the sofa or children’s rooms, spending it on smaller things. You are going to run through 100k ridiculously fast if you aren’t careful.

its only a life changing amount if you treat it wisely. Debt, paying off your mortgage, or just putting it in your pension fund would be my first targets. Maybe siphon off a tiny bit for something fun.

I used some for home improvements, one holiday, a car upgrade, paying off DHs car loan. The rest is in a several high interest low/no access savings accounts for saving for the kids and paying a chunk off the mortgage when it’s up for renewal.

It really depends.

If your kitchen is nice, but you think it needs a bit of a redo, then spending (say) 25k on it is a massive waste. It's good, and could probably last another 10 years.

The small things your husband might be talking about could actually be more 'essential'. That leaky shower, removing the wallpaper for potential damp, getting the car properly serviced, new tyres. In the grand scheme of things, small things that are necessary, but add up.

It depends on what your husband wants to spend it on

Your husband wants to fritter away your inheritance so that when it's all gone you won't have any more security than you did beforehand. No way.

£100k in a high interest savings account will generate £5k p.a in interest atm. So
e of that will be taxable but keep shunting it into ISAs to keep the tax down (you can earn £1k interest tax free each year, and interest on ISAs is never taxed, so if you split the ££ between you, each use your ISA money each year and get an interest allowance each you can pay little tax on your &5k per year interest.

Limit yourselves to spending the interest only. And only once you have earned it. That would be my advice. Until you want to invest it in your next property or something.

Do not fritter it, or allow your DH to fritter it.