To feel that this is not team work

[Shining4321]

Hi,

About two years ago, DH was very unhappy in his (well-paid) job and was offered an alternative job that was more in line with his passions. However, it was MUCH less pay—about 20K less!!

Initially, I was reluctant. However, I wanted him to be happy, and we felt that with some cutbacks, we could make it work. For the most part, it's been okay. Our lifestyle is different, but the mortgage and bills are paid, and there is food in the fridge. He is happier and less stressed.

I work in a well-paid job, but it has been a struggle to make up the difference between his old pay and his new salary. I have been servicing some credit card debt and will transfer it to a new 0% deal when needed. I have about 4k left and no other debt. I need to transfer this debt to a new 0% card, but I cannot secure a new offer. I am currently in dispute with a mobile phone due to an error that has led to a late payment marker being logged on my credit file. It's a long story, and it's probably for a different thread.

So... DH has a 0% money transfer offer that I could use to secure 0% for a further period. I have asked DH to do this, but he won't. Apparently, " he doesn't want the debt in his name" and "what if you don't pay?"

I am fuming, hurt and shocked. I have picked up the bulk of our expenses since his job swap and for the most part, I have not moaned or reminded him that leaving a well paid job is a luxury that many cannot afford. For him to not support me by letting me use this 0% offer seems really unfair. AIBU?

I’d instantly transition the house to a two income stream- as usual for the rest of you, and beans on toast for him every night, while he repays you for the income you’ve covered for the family, and tell him how you feel of course. Things would be extremely icy until the debt was sorted between you, and would not thaw until then.

Book a movie out, invite a friend since your dh can’t afford it so he can babysit.

So your stress levels rise while he is a lazy fucker? He needs to up his wages pronto...

I'd be utterly fuming!!!

I guess everything is 50:50 from now on including the shared debt.

The absolute ungrateful fucker.

I'd separate finances from now and let him find his own shortfall.

That's the thanks you get.

Time to consider his lesser contributions and if you are happy to sub such a POS.

After he’s repaid her for the sacrifices she’s made to carry him. And it’s not 50/50, it’s he gets what he brings in and she gets what she brings in, they can split bills and kids expenses 50/50.

I’d be absolutely livid! Tell him you now won’t be picking up the additional costs of him taking such a cut in salary, and he probably owes you much more than the £4k for what you've subbed him.

You are “well paid”.
He was “well paid” before the £20K cut so I’m guessing that’s still reasonable pay - and the cut was likely at 40% or more tax rate.

So all in all, I’d say there’s enough income for you to tell him to pay his way because you need to fast track paying off the £4K now that it is attracting interest. I wouldn’t take his 0% deal even if he backtracked. I’d ensure that he was paying a fair contribution - be that % based on income or equal disposable income - if he’s not already.

If the £4K has been run up since his salary reduction, and is on household costs, then if you work based on equal disposable income, make your debt repayment before equal disposable income is calculated.

No more subbing him. I know people say MN is trigger happy with “LTB” but I think he needs to explain himself.

You could argue that racking up debts when you are well paid isn't exactly teamwork either........

The OP hasn’t said how the debt occurred, nor is it relevant. She’s supported her dh to allow him to take a significant drop in income and yet he thinks he can opt out of helping get sort out the finances. It’s appalling. Rightly or wrongly i’d find it very hard to not make his life a misery. I’d also be inclined to just do the money transfer without asking him - I know that’s wrong and probably illegal but that’s how mad I’d be!!!!