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Original poster

I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself for spending my dp's money like this

21 replies

ghostfreak · 05/04/2008 18:57

Hi
I realise how stupid and foolish I am about to sound.
I moved house recently and one of the first things I did was have a conservatory done.
I thought at the time it would be really useful either as a playroom, for the dc,s or as a room to just relax in.
At the time I had it on a buy now pay 12 months later.
Well the conservatory has hardly been used and it cost £7500.
I had promised at the time that I would save up some money myself so my dp wouldn,t bear the full brunt of the cost, as we both work.
However I never managed to save a penny towards it.
I don,t earn very good money and my dp ended up parting with the money out of his savings.
I feel absolutely disgusted with myself and cannot get over wasting so much money on something that is barely used.
I sit down and cry about it sometimes.
Of course we are now struggling to get other things done around the house and I realise this money could have been better used.
I just cannot get over my mistake.
Has anybody else spent alot of money like this and felt after it was a mistake.
I don,t blame my dp for this in any way as I went ahead without consulting him.
I feel so bad about it.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 05/04/2008 18:59

is he angry with you? if not, then stop punishing yourself !! and use the conservatory more..

it is not like you pissed it up the wall or frittered it away, it is a home improvement that will add value to your home.

why not cut back on a few things now, and budget and give DP some money back?

osyth · 05/04/2008 19:00

Why don't you use it?

Roobie · 05/04/2008 19:00

Well as long as you can still afford to eat and run the house then I would stop beating yourself up and just get on with trying to utilise the additional space.

BBBee · 05/04/2008 19:02

okay this is not helping.

sitting down and crying is not helping.

At the time you thought the conservatory was a good idea - you intentions were honourable and your idea was good. You did not know how it would work,

Okay - if you thought you would save towards it you fell down a bit there. You need to rectify this. Paper and pen = work out how you can save now.

Set targets work towards them and stop being cross with yourself.

Okay thought it was a great idea and it hasn't worked out how you thought - that does not make you a terrible person or a bad person. We all do this all the time. If you keep being horrible to yourself about it that is not fair.

Original poster

ghostfreak · 05/04/2008 19:03

He was angry at first but doesn't seem to have held it against me.
I have thought about giving him some money back but I never manage to do it.
I don,t really earn that much.

OP posts:

DoodleToYou · 05/04/2008 19:03

Message withdrawn

Lulumama · 05/04/2008 19:04

well, you need to make use of the space and make it worthwhile

squeaver · 05/04/2008 19:09

Put some of the kids' toys in there and surely they'll make sure it's used?

Stop thinking about the money and start focusing your energies using the space. And stop beating yourself up.

AdamAnt · 05/04/2008 19:09

Try not to beat yourself up. What's done is done. It's easy to become worryingly blase about money when you're moving house (I remember thinking 'Oh it's only £600' about a wardrobe we bought when we moved here. It seemed like a pittance in the grand scheme of removals!

Why don't you let him see this thread to let him know how bad you feel about it.

Start using the room more. It may well add value to the house when you come to sell it.

You sound like you aren't happy with the way you manage your own money (you're upset that you 'haven't managed to save a penny'. Perhaps you could start budgeting more? This would also help prove to your DP that you're not a hopeless spendthrift

TotalChaos · 05/04/2008 19:13

agree completely with Lulumama's first post. Is there anything you feel particularly guilty about with regard to not managing to save up anything towards it?

llareggub · 05/04/2008 19:15

I think your reaction is disproportionate. Is there something else bothering you? Is everything else in your life OK?

MrsTittleMouse · 05/04/2008 19:15

Blimey, when I read the title I thought that you'd blown it all on the hairdresser, holidays and lunches out and had nothing to show for it. A conservatory really isn't so bad.
I would echo the advice of AdamAnt and Lulumama and sit down and work out your finances so that you can save up some money and replenish the savings. And use the conservatory. Winter can't go on for much longer and it would be a lovely place to hang out with your DCs.

hana · 05/04/2008 19:17

I don't understand why your dh has his 'own savings'
surely it's your money too?

Wheelybug · 05/04/2008 19:18

Find a way of using the room more.

We moved into a house with a conservatory about 18 months ago and I don't think it has yet reached its full potential because we are still trying to sort out its function and i think conservatories are odd like that.

We had some cupboards built as we decided its principal function should be plastic crap play room. But, we wanted it to be usable for us too. Just before christmas we bought a really cheap sofa and chair from ikea to see if that worked. After a few months I don't think it does so I am thinking of now trying a table with a few comfy chairs so we can use it for having coffee in etc..

What I'm trying to say, in a long winded way, is to play with the space a bit - try some different things and hopefully it can become a really useful bit of extra space for you and therefore worth the money spent !

hifi · 05/04/2008 19:19

you will probably have added some value to the house surely?
summers comming, you will probably use it then.
we had doors put on the front of our garage, over £4000, i chose the wrong ones, mil was there the day they were fitted as we were away. came back , they were dreadful.we replaced them 2 years later. we all make mistakes, thats life.

bonkerz · 05/04/2008 19:21

Use the conservatory. All my DCs toys are in ours and also the DCs PC. My Dcs use it every day no matter what the weather! No toys in my lounge! Its great!

Fizzylemonade · 05/04/2008 20:04

I have an electric heater in mine for winter, it is the kids play room and all the toys are stored in there. We do have some toys in their bedroom but the conservatory is where the majority are stashed so they tend to play in there for all the messy stuff and drag toys all over the house but they always end up back in there.

It also means we can shut the door on it especially when my boys are half-way through playing with something, oh and draw the curtains across it!!!

Set up a standing order to move some money out of your account every month before you have time to touch it. Turn this into something positive, draw a line under it and move on. You know you will never do it again.

Ambi · 05/04/2008 20:09

I thought the same hana,

ninja · 05/04/2008 20:11

The reason you haven't used it is that it was a crap poor summer last year and now it's still cold.

Wait til this beautiful summer we're going to have and there's a good chance you'll use it loads.

I have 2 good friends with conservatories and they're dumping grounds in the winter but fantastic when the weather's nice.

How old are the dc's? When they're older will they be glad of an extra reception room where they don't have to hang out with you?

There are a lot worse things to have spent the money on.

Original poster

ghostfreak · 07/04/2008 09:43

Hi
Sorry I have not responded to my own thread have been quite busy.

You know part of the problem is that I don,t know what to use it for.
I just cannot work out the best way to utilise the space.

I know this may seem odd but me and my dp have seperate accounts he says he doesn,t trust me and thinks I will flutter too much of it.
He is probably right I would be tempted.

I did at one time make the conservatory quite nice with pictures, a sofa, and furniture etc.
However we was seldom in there so I thought about turning it into a games room.
So now I have one of those multi games tables stuck in there, and even though the conservatory is huge it does take a fair bit of room up and its never bothered with anyway.

My mom doesn,t help every time she comes round she comments on what a mess it is now.
Obviously she thinks it should be all lovely like a sitting living area.
I wish I had never had it but I will try and think of the best way to use it.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 07/04/2008 09:47

stick the kids in it with all their toys

stop crying

it is not his money ffs okay he is protecting you from purchasing but a family's money should be shared

I really can't believe that you had a conservatory done without him agreeing. It is a house that both of you use

stop wondering what to do with the room and planning and just get into it

but if this is a guilt thing borne out of the fact that you know that you do fritter money away and this is just the biggest example, then have a sit down and think how you can manage your finances long-term

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