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Should I ask my dad for a loan to bail us out of this mess

14 replies

mixedmama · 03/04/2008 21:57

Really not sure what to do.

We were seriously in debt and sold a property (not our home) that we owned to pay off some secured debt. We now still have about £20,000 outstanding and are always behind with our payments including our (Council) rent.

We have considered debt management but CCJs were mentioned so decded against it. Considered bankruptcy today but that seems so extreme.

I know my dad has the money and was thinking of asking him to lend it to us pay off every single thing and set up a proper payment with my dad to go into a separate account as it would be part of my parents retirement money and at the end of five years they will still have a lump sum.

We are desperate but i am worried that my dad is going to think DH cant look after us and woried DH will be too proud to accept it.

We have two little boys 3 months and 2 and i desperately wan to get back on track for them.

would you ask? And, what if he says no, he still will think badly of DH cos then he will know our true stuation.

OP posts:
divedaisy · 03/04/2008 22:27

HAve you spoken to an expert in these matters, or are you just assuming re debt management/bankrupsy etc. Speak to citizens advice bureau, or if anyone else has an idea follow their lead. You need to speak it over eith DH - you can't go behind his back to your dad. But if all else fails, do ask your dad.

But speak to advisers - don't just assume!! Good luck x

terramum · 03/04/2008 22:27

I would if you know you can repay him in a reasonable time frame - what have you got to lose? My Dad has lent us money in the past when we got ourselves in a lot of mess & another time when our housing benefit wasn't paid & we couldn't pay the rent....but there have been other times when he has put his foot down & said no & I am happy with that - its his money after all & he felt it would be a valuable lesson for us to sort it our ourselves.

Dropdeadfred · 03/04/2008 22:29

did you factor in paying capital gains tax when you sold your property Personally i wouldn't expect my parents to bail me out for that much..could you not just ask for a bit to catch up with ctax etc?

EffiePerine · 03/04/2008 22:31

Talk to the experts - one of the free services like CAB. I think if you could do it on your own it would be better 0- I don't like the idea of borrowing from family or friends as it could turn awkward.

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 04/04/2008 08:34

If you have no assets, then bankruptcy may actually be the best option for you. You need to speak to National Debtline or the Consumer Credit Counselling Service or the CAB.

MsPontipine · 05/04/2008 00:20

How come you are able to rent a council house if you owned other property? I really do not understand the housing system at all.

Pavlovthecat · 05/04/2008 00:24

If your father will be happy to do it, of course. Isnt that what parents are for?

brimfull · 05/04/2008 00:37

I wouldn't.
Moneylending always ruins relationships ime.

kd73 · 05/04/2008 01:24

Sorry, but I think this is one for you and dh to sort out.

MrsTittleMouse · 05/04/2008 06:12

£20,000 is a lot of money. I would worry that their is a chance that your Dad would lend you money, and you would still be in trouble, which would be awful. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get into so much debt? Is there anything that has changed since, so that you can't get into debt again?
I think that you need some serious help from someone like the CAB. We don't know all your details (like income etc) and it sounds as though you would much rather sort things out yourself anyway.

LIZS · 05/04/2008 07:08

You need some proper advice - it does n't have to lead to bankruptcy or IVA necessarily but that may be one option. Go to CAB, whoever manages your housing who can refer you to an advice centre, or speak to one of the impartial debt charities (Debtline/CCCS?), give them all the details and ask them to help you resolve it. they can advise on how to freeze ineterst accruing on debt, negotiate a realistic repayment plan, and also look at your expenditure and household budget.

You could always then approach your dad if a short term loan may help as part of an overall solution but you'd still be committed to repayments you may not be able to afford. If you subsequently went bankrupt he'd lose out and that could be horrible within a family. At least if you've done some ground work and admitted the problem officially first it will seem as if you and dh are taking responsibility for the issue rather than simply asking to be bailed out.

mixedmama · 05/04/2008 15:04

MsPontipine - my DH got housed because of overcrowding when he was much younger and when we married I was added. We bought the house as my parents needed to sell it quickly with a view to move in, but became very awae very quickly that we couldnt actually afford it and then sold it, so it wasnt a case of scamming the council and getting housed. Hope that has cleared it all up.

MrsTittlehouse - buying the house in the first place contributed somewhat and i also became pregnant more recently and had been temping so not returned to work properly which hadnt helped. My DH also started a business which has subsequently failed so wasnt earning for a period of time and everything has just built up.

Thanks for all the advice here. It juist seems that every month when I think after this month we will be back on an even keel and be able to pay everything something unexpected turns up.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 05/04/2008 15:10

I don't think you should ask. It's a lot of money and part of being grown up is learning to live within your income and if getting into difficulty finding your way out of it. What happens if you get into further difficulties after borrowing the money and get into debt again?
You need to sit down together and have a long term plan of how to pay off the money and life. Look at how you can budget and where you can cut down on. What about one of you working nights whislt the other works days?

MrsTittleMouse · 05/04/2008 18:37

OK - so some of the reasons that you got into debt have gone. I assume that your DH has let the business go (and has now got a regular job/can get a regular job) and you don't have the house around your neck. Those are positive things. Obviously you still have DS2, but that's a good thing too and he won't needing you so much in the future, which will allow you to build up your hours. It will be cheaper when your DS1 is in school and childcare costs go down too.
I really think that you should get professional help. You sound as though you are (barely) living from month to month and that every little thing sets you back again. As you know, this is not sustainable. If you do decide to go bankrupt then you don't have assets to lose, and if the things that have got you into this mess are over, then you have a chance to sort it out too. But you need someone who can go through all your affairs and who is independent to help you make the decision as to which to do.

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