Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Should I be paying for it all?

21 replies

plinkypie · 11/05/2024 11:48

I own a two bed flat. On the rental market it would cost about £1300. DP pays £400 in rent and we split bills. This we are both happy with.

We have been dating for 6 years and living together for 1 year and keep finances separately but we will be engaged soon and combine finances then.

Neither of us are making alot of money.

I pay all the home insurance, stairway cleaning, any maintenance, all renovations etc. I have spent £20k doing up the flat over the past year.

Here is the thing I want to double check.

Should I be paying for all the furniture? DP says I should since I own the flat. But I think it's fairer for us to split the cost. Then if we ever broke up I would buy him out his half. We need to furnish the living room and spare bedroom.

I know he is able to save up loads by having such cheap rent and I am able to save up by having help with mortgage payments.

Whats fair here?

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 11/05/2024 12:13

Why not wait till you’re engaged and combine finances then buy the things you need? I find it odd that people are starting out a marriage or planning on getting engaged but always say ‘if we ever break up’… so why bother? I’ve not once in my marriage thought maybe I should pay for something incase we break up then it makes it easier when it comes to dividing assets. If your getting engaged and furnishing the home for you both to live in then you should both be paying

Olivie12 · 11/05/2024 12:19

Both should pay for the furniture, should go 50/50. He will use the furniture as well.

Original poster
plinkypie · 11/05/2024 12:19

we currently have an unfurnished living room and I don't want to speed up an engagement just to furnish a living room.

I dont think we would ever break up but I anticipated the question in the comments so thought I would answer it

OP posts:
Elephantswillnever · 11/05/2024 12:21

Rather than going halves can you buy different items. You buy sofa, he buys bed type stuff. That way it is clear who owns what if you split. I have old sofas/ beds so I don’t think it needs to be expensive.

Original poster
plinkypie · 11/05/2024 12:23

@Elephantswillnever I dont think the issue is along the lines that what happens if we break up because its just very very unlikely at this stage I think its more that he feels its my responsibility as I own the flat and all the flats he's rented so far have come furnished. We also both want to live in a flat that feels really nice so the furniture choices are not from free cycle but items we really like but have found the cheapest version of.

OP posts:
FixTheBone · 11/05/2024 12:26

Agree with the above comments. Especially about relationships!

If you've agreed to get engaged, in my book you already are.... Its about commitment, not when a ring is bought, or presented...

If you're comitted enough to decide to get married, but not buy furniture together, it seems a bit upside down to me...

heldinadream · 11/05/2024 12:27

You don't think you're going to break up, you both want nice things but he thinks you should buy them because it's your flat?
🚩🚩🚩

LadyThistledown · 11/05/2024 12:28

But he's not paying you the full market rent for a furnished flat. Only a token amount. He can't therefore expect 'full service' especially as rental flat furniture isn;t that nice anyway! Presumably he expects a degree of choice in the furniture.

Are you sure you want to marry this man, sounds like a free rider.

Also when you marry the flat is highly likely to become marital property, meaning it's his too! not 'yours'

BaronessBomburst · 11/05/2024 12:36

So by marrying you DP will gain rights to half a flat and it's contents, which he is expecting you to finance. What's he bringing to the table?
If you're living together and both need furniture, you both buy it together. It's a shared need, for a shared cost.
However his attitude is setting off alarm bells. He sounds like a cocklodger.

Galliano · 11/05/2024 12:42

LadyThistledown · 11/05/2024 12:28

But he's not paying you the full market rent for a furnished flat. Only a token amount. He can't therefore expect 'full service' especially as rental flat furniture isn;t that nice anyway! Presumably he expects a degree of choice in the furniture.

Are you sure you want to marry this man, sounds like a free rider.

Also when you marry the flat is highly likely to become marital property, meaning it's his too! not 'yours'

It's hardly a 'token' amount given 50% of rent would be £650 and he's paying £400.
If you had no forseeable change to your arrangements OP I'd say his position was fair enough. There doesn't seem to be any advantage for you in getting married but quite a substantial one for him so I wouldn't marry him.

LadyThistledown · 11/05/2024 12:49

Galliano · 11/05/2024 12:42

It's hardly a 'token' amount given 50% of rent would be £650 and he's paying £400.
If you had no forseeable change to your arrangements OP I'd say his position was fair enough. There doesn't seem to be any advantage for you in getting married but quite a substantial one for him so I wouldn't marry him.

Show quote history

It's a token amount if it's cheaper than renting a room elsewhere. Depending on where he is, in the city center he could be paying 1K for the room. As evidenced by him 'savings loads due to cheap rent', he's obviously benefitted.

Also, furniture is moveable. He can take 'his' stuff with him if they break up. It's not a kitchen cabinet or new windows that only the OP will benefit from. He also wants to live in a flat that 'feels really nice' so he should be paying for it as well.

I don't quite understand though how this is a new problem if they've been together a year, and are going to combine finances. Surely at the point of the latter, this becomes a non-issue...

Quitelikeit · 11/05/2024 12:52

Basically if you plan to marry this man he will own half of that flat anyway!

Whats gonna happen- you marry and the next day he gives you half of the mortgage? Or will he refuse and pay your £400 still

Original poster
plinkypie · 11/05/2024 12:55

£400 covers half the mortgage

OP posts:
raspberryberet7 · 11/05/2024 12:59

Put his rent up if he doesn't want to pay. It's more expensive to rent furnished than unfurnished

TemuSpecialBuy · 11/05/2024 13:00

My dh and i had a similar set up.
When we needed a new bed we went half and half beause he was a decent person i could build a life with.

At the minute everyone is getting an okay deal but ihe wants to be a dick about it so I'd start charging £650 plus bills.

In 12m £3k will buy YOU a very nice sofa.
I would also not be rushing to get engaged (and in doing so gift him half your flat) either.

LadyThistledown · 11/05/2024 13:04

plinkypie · 11/05/2024 12:55

£400 covers half the mortgage

Well that's fair enough then, but rent would be more expensive.
If he wants to be treated like a lodger, with the landlady providing everything, then he should pony up.

SevernWonders · 11/05/2024 13:08

BaronessBomburst · 11/05/2024 12:36

So by marrying you DP will gain rights to half a flat and it's contents, which he is expecting you to finance. What's he bringing to the table?
If you're living together and both need furniture, you both buy it together. It's a shared need, for a shared cost.
However his attitude is setting off alarm bells. He sounds like a cocklodger.

This is a very wise post

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 11/05/2024 13:18

It’s your flat but no reason it can’t be shared furniture!

He is being really tight fisted here.

Being engaged is such a meaningless nebulous status. If you are living together and your stated mutual intention is to marry, you are already ‘engaged’

However living together is a crucial trial run. And money disagreements are one of the most important red flags, IMO.

You are the owner of a flat that he is living in, as a couple, so fair enough he contributes a fair share of the costs of occupying (mortgage interest payments) and running (bills) the flat.

What you are not is his landlady, responsible for providing new sofas, etc.

DaniMontyRae · 11/05/2024 17:35

The boyfriend is hardly being tight-fisted or any of the other insults being levelled at him when he is paying half the mortgage and half the bills. If it wasn't for the flat maintenance he would be paying half of everything. If it was a woman in his position everyone would be saying he was foolish to being paying half of the mortgage without being on the deeds.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/05/2024 17:48

plinkypie · 11/05/2024 12:55

£400 covers half the mortgage

So he is paying 1/2 the cost of the unfurnished property.
Not 1/2 the cost of an equivalent furnished rental.

I would personally be concerned about him not contributing to the everyday running costs (stairway cleaning, everyday maintenance etc), his position on the furniture would be a further red flag.

SpoonyFish · 11/05/2024 18:09

Will you ring-fence the flat if getting married? If you aren't and then gains a share of this through marriage, then I don't see why you would be paying for the furniture alone.

If you are already in the way of keeping finances separate, then I would continue with this in relation to buying specific pieces of furniture that if the relationship were to end, it would be an easier divide.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page