Cash birthday gifts to grandchildren... equal, or according to need?

[CanadianJohn]

I have 6 grandchildren... all girls, ages from 20 to 32. Four of them are doing very well financially, earning more money than I ever did. Of the other two, one is in college, and the other has just dropped out of college.

My wife used to give $100 to each child on their birthday. My wife passed away recently. I would like to increase the birthday gifts, but I feel a bit uncertain about giving money to grandchildren who are clearly okay financially. I may have more assets, but they have much higher income. (I'm 77, btw, and retired for many years.)

So, to each the same, or more to the younger ones?

I’d just stick with the $100 , that is quite generous enough and also maintains the tradition started by your late wife .

Same to every one. It's not about how much they already have, but how much you value them. Giving more money to one/some of them will show favouritism, even if that is not the intention

I love how thought you l you are being but different trash amounts would be awful to them and unfair.

Why don't you start a new tradition and take them out for the day instead of cash. Make a memory and no one needs to know what it coasts. Pick something individual to them to enjoy together

Cash not trash

I'd continue to give them each $100 on their birthday - there's no need to give the richer ones more.

For the grandchild still in college, is she managing okay financially? You might find that a bit of extra money would be really useful for them, much more useful than for the others. I'd give them that at a different time of year.

Why did your other grandchild drop out of college?

Actually I don't agree . Birthday presents are between you and the recipient. It all depends why the others are so much better off financially.

Were they afforded a better deal in life ? Wealthier parents ? Better life opportunities ?

To make an extreme example ..
were GC 1,2,3 & 4 from one of your children who married wealth and their parents able to give them a leg up in life whilst 5 & 6 raised by poorer or even a single parent ? If so - and you are in a position to help them out I wouldn't hesitate but make it separate to birthday present.. and no one's business but yours !

John, you sound lovely. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope you had many happy years together.

Why not give them all the same this year, and make a note of who thanks you for your gift? Next year you can match their gift in accordance with their gratitude!!!

My mum openly gave my DSs a little more than their cousins and explained to the others why.

My DC were significantly younger and my DM no longer was able to have mine over to stay like their older cousins did, they didn't get the days out and treats etc. Additionally even when the others were at this point in their 20s and 30s, they all had another set if grandparents who treated them. Mine only had my mum since they were toddlers.

No-one minded (I'm from a large family) but I repeatedly told my mum that it wasn't her responsibility to make up for their lack of other grandparents.

It makes me more sad that they had less people to love them and they had no grandparents by the time they were in their teens

I'd maybe consider similar factors but agree that I'd maybe keep the present equal at £100 but maybe try to help the younger ones in other ways. Maybe a supermarket gift card from time to time.

I'm sure they'd appreciate time with you more though.

I'd stick to giving them the same, doesn't mean you can't help them out in other ways if they need it. But also don't forget about inflation when you gauge your grandchildren's income, if they were earning less then you were earning at least a decade ago that would be a truly terrible wage! Would their wage get them a mortgage for a house the size of yours...? My parents' mortgage was based on 3 times my dad's salary, to buy the same house now on the same terms that would have to be £233,333!

Give them all the same every. $100 is very generous. My parents don't even spend that ok me my grandparents stopped all gift and money giving when I turned 16

Absolutely equal .

Equal. Success shouldn’t be punished.

Keep it equal. But as a previous poster said, there's nothing stopping you helping out some of the others at a different time of year. You could offer to help with some tuition fees or something.

Equal.

Both DH and myself were treated differently by our parents than our siblings, this has carried on to our children and it has resulted in NC on my side of the family and LC on DHs. Though I like my in-laws, I vehemently dislike seeing my children being treat differently to their cousins when it comes to birthdays and Christmas’s.

As adults though I agree with above, give equal this year and see how you are thanked & treated by your DGC, if you find a lack of gratitude or entitlement by them, then by all means adjust things in the future. But don’t punish some just because they have been more successful than others.

could you give them less now
you need the money, i assume, being retired.
they dont

I'd give them the same for birthdays/Christmas but if you wanted to help the younger ones out with things like uni fees/driving lessons then I think that's between you and them.

Wow, strongly disagree with this one. Give them gifts because you want to, not because of how “grateful” they are!

Give them the same.

Gifts equal but occasionally sending the one in college a care package and checking up on the one who dropped out.

or take them out for a meal

Equal birthday gifts, and then support to those who need it as a separate measure.

This is toxic behaviour. Seriously, never do this.

Equal amounts for all is the best way I think.

Equal all the way. You never completely know circumstances. My DSis was constantly saying that they didn't have any money, couldn't afford to come to family celebrations etc when actually it was just the way they wanted to prioritise their money. Their choice but not a reason to give them more.

Perhaps the higher earners are maxed out with and don't have any money to treat themselves.

Good heavens, so many replies! A little more info, to respond to some questions and suggestions:

About me: I am declining rapidly, and will probably be moving to the "independent living" section of a retirement home as soon as I can sell this house. I should probably have a little clean-up first. I am okay for money. I was supposed to die before my wife, but God got it backwards. I'll have a word with him, when I see him.
About our 4 children: all in their 50's, so not exactly children any more. They are all doing well financially, and their marriages run the spectrum from widowed / still married / divorced / divorced and remarried.
About our 6 grandchildren: from 4 different families, I don't think their parents' success had a lot of influence, one way or another. No two grandchildren are in the same city, they are scattered across North America.

Thanks for all your comments, and interesting perspectives. I'll stay with the S100 per birthday, and find occasions to give a little more to the ones who might need the money.