Been a complete idiot

[Fool40]

I’ve name changed for this. I’ve posted before about having secret debt but under my normal user name.

I’ve been a complete idiot. Have racked up debts my entire adult life - some mental health issues which I shopped to deal with. It’s embarrassing.

My partner of 13 years doesn’t know. I know I should have said something but I didn’t and I’m now in this awful position.

I was actually feeling quite pleased because this time next year it will be sorted. I paid one of them off last week. I tried to ask them to not send me any documents but they’ve now written to me 3 times in the last week. DP was home when the mail was delivered - it didn’t have any logos on the front but did say about where it should be returned to if it’s undelivered. He hasn’t mentioned the mail, and neither have I (I’ve just opened and shredded it). I’m so scared they’re going to send more.

I’m so scared that he’s seen and my life is about to come crashing down around me. I know it’s all my own doing but I’m so anxious that I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got no one I can talk to.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.

Contact them and ask for online copies only. However, they still can send "important" letters.
It happened for me with bloody barclays. I have everything online. Missed credit card payment (but remembered and paid back after couple of days) - they sent me 3 letters with "do not ignore" - asking me to pay.
I honestly hate it, if I asked for online statements and letters, they shouldn't send me anything!

The account is meant to be all online. No documents were sent when I set the loan up but then I received an annual statement. I’d phoned them asking them not to send this but they said they have to. I then decided to pay the account off before the next statement is due to avoid another letter and have since been sent the 3 letters. I tried to make a situation better but have ended up making it worse. If nothing else I’ve learned a valuable lesson in not getting into this situation again.

I’m hoping now that they won’t send any more but I’ve got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that they will. When I got a notification on my phone yesterday from the doorbell showing the postman delivering I felt sick - I just had a sense that another letter was coming. I’m too nervous to phone them to ask them to not send anything else in case they send another ‘thanks for contacting us’ letter.

Honestly- try not to worry. It's perfectly normal to get occasional mail from cc companies even if you don't have an account or if you have an unused or little used card. They will send you offers and information so unless your DP actually opened the letters it could have been anything or nothing for all they know.

You had a debt issue which you have recognised and are now sorting it out. That is top drawer sensible behaviour. It is not as if you are racking up new debt or missing payments. Not to minimise your anxiety but if you were my partner & I found out I would be super proud of you.

Would you feel better telling your partner, yes they may be angry at first, but you’ve proved you are getting the debt sorted and should be proud of yourself for doing it. I do think secrets have a way of coming out in the end. Some financial institutions do send out paperwork even though you’ve gone paperless at the end of an agreement or term of contract.

Hi OP, don't panic, it's really normal to get all sorts of post. But you can follow up with them and remind them it's online only. Have you missed any payments or is there a reason they feel they need to write?

In terms of life crashing down... I'm trying to think how I would feel... DH and I have a mortgage together so each other's incomes and personal expenditure do matter (i.e. it's not a "none of your business" situation). I think if he came to me and said 'look, here's a thing, but here's what I'm doing about it, and here's the plan and how I'm sticking to the plan and how it will be done by next year' it probably be shocked, but ok. Whereas if it continued to be a secret and I found out some other way, I'd be concerned by what else he wasn't telling me, concerned I wasn't being told the whole truth and concerned the end date might not be real. You've been together for a long time, relationships involve ups and downs, trust and supporting each other. Do you think you could tell him? It will take the weight off your shoulders and be better for you both in the long run.

Thanks for all your messages. I feel slightly better. He hasn’t mentioned anything yet and isn’t the type to keep things quiet if something is bothering him. I definitely can’t tell him as it’s too big a risk to take for the sake of a year in which it will be paid off. I’m also in a better place and not going to do the same thing again.

No missed payments - I’d actually been contacting them to get a final figure to pay the loan early, then phoned to check the payment had gone through. They’ve not (yet) sent any documents but just letters about ‘thanks for getting in contact - if it wasn’t you please let us know’. Probably because I sounded so cagey on the phone making sure they wouldn’t send me anything. They offered to send me confirmation it’s all paid off but I said no - am still worried they’ll send it though.