Hi all,
I'm in an exceptionally emotionally triggering situation where I've found myself in a situation where I honestly don't know how to move forward so that I can maintain having my children in my life.
A bit of back story: I'm a disabled father of three. My wife left me and moved straight in with her lover after subjecting me to domestic abuse, which included financial abuse. I was left with thousands of pounds in debt, and she cleared out my bank account to have some time away with him before moving in with him. I had to cash in a small pension pot to pay off the debts she left me with, as I couldn't afford to make the repayments, which I did through medical retirement; it wasn't enough to clear the gas and electric debt. She had always gotten child benefits and child tax credits, and she has another child from a previous relationship. I currently live in the house we shared, which is provided as social housing, but it also has been built around my disability.
Since our separation, she agreed that I could have the children on a 50/50 custody basis. I have them from the end of school on a Friday until Tuesday morning when they return to her. My son, who is older than the youngest two, stays with me an extra night once a fortnight so we can get some quality time. Because she receives child benefits and now the child tax support element of UC, I have to pay 25% of the rent in bedroom tax. With the bills for gas and electricity so high, I have only had £15 a month to feed myself and the children for the last two months. I have used all my food bank allowance and food grants. I have borrowed as much as I can from family and friends to feed the children whilst I eat the leftovers from their meals, and I don't eat anything when I don't have them.
I explained the situation and even provided evidence to my ex, asking her to share the tax credit and child support. She has refused, saying she cannot afford it, while turning up with new nails, tattoos, photos of her going out for meals on social media, etc. As she can only claim for two children on the tax credit part of UC, I asked if I could claim for the other two. She said she gladly would, but she can't, as that would stop her from getting a four-bedroom house on social housing. I've told her that the money she receives is for every day of the year, not just the days the children are with her, and she has no empathy for the situation.
I don't want to say I can't have my children; the idea that I will have to say I can't have them is breaking my heart, but in reality, I cannot ask them to share the poverty I have been left with and ask the kids to go hungry when they are with me. I have a solicitor under legal aid, which I got due to the domestic abuse, and they have said that a judge will see that she has financial responsibility and leave it up to her to share the child benefits.
Can anyone throw any light on this situation so I don't have to give up my children?