Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU? Dh lend money to friend

15 replies

Slayermayer · 15/03/2024 19:16

Hey,

im annoyed at my dh for lending his mate £500. I’m not a fan of lending to friends, plus I didn’t know until he’d done it.

he thinks I’m a hypocrite as I’ve lent my mum a similar sum previously. I think this is different as it’s my mum. I’d have no issue with him helping out his mum/dad/kids, but it’s different with friends.

AIBU?

OP posts:

NeedAMakeOver4 · 15/03/2024 19:18

Depends if the friend is reliable and will definitely have the means to pay it back or not. Some of my DHs friends would be very trustworthy and pay back asap. Other friends I wouldn’t trust to look after a banana for a day let alone pay back £500 in a timely manner.

Testina · 15/03/2024 19:26

If it’s a good friend, reliable in other ways, and it’s his money and he could afford to lose it, then he can make his own decisions.

Wolfpa · 15/03/2024 19:38

I don’t see a difference between lending to a friend and lending to family

LightSwerve · 15/03/2024 19:40

Did he know about lending to your mum before you did it?

I think it really depends on a) the friend and b) your financial situation.

Berlinlover · 15/03/2024 19:45

I lent an ex €500 in 2009 and never got a cent back. It annoys me to this day and as long as I live I will never lend anyone money again.

westisbest1982 · 15/03/2024 22:34

To you it's different, but to him (and many others) it isn't, so YABU.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/03/2024 22:57

Wolfpa · 15/03/2024 19:38

I don’t see a difference between lending to a friend and lending to family

It's usually much easier for a friend to go AWOL though.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 15/03/2024 23:01

Should anyone decide to lend money to their family, inlaws, friends, work mates, seceret lovers, etc etc - always do it on the basis you wont get it back. If you do get it back, see it as a bonus.

Why people live had to mouth is beyond me.

BeaRF75 · 15/03/2024 23:01

It's his money, so he can lend it to whoever he likes. He doesn't have to tell anyone about it.
Which is exactly the same as the OP lending money to her mother - her business, and nobody elses.
OK, loans rarely come back, but the husband presumably knows this. He should be praised for helping out a friend in need, not criticised.

Tyrannosnorous · 15/03/2024 23:01

Firstly is it joint money ?

mollyfolk · 15/03/2024 23:10

I’ve been your DH - I lent money to a friend & I knew I would never get it back. But I was getting her out of a very sticky spot. I discussed with my DH and he told me I was mad but ultimately it was my own money, we could afford to loose it and I went ahead.

I suppose it depends on how much you can afford to loose but if 500 pounds isn’t small change to your family, he should have discussed it with you.

SD1978 · 15/03/2024 23:19

Did you ask him before you lent it to your mum?

mrsfollowill · 15/03/2024 23:24

Dh and I have been together for a very long time - we have always had joint money but we do discuss 'large transactions' before we do it. He once loaned his friend our mortgage payment - £300 in the 90's was a big chunk of our income . To be fair he trusted this friend and we got it back promptly - was a genuine 'cash flow' problem and the friend has never done it since.
I've also loaned the odd £20/£30 to my friend who was on a key meter for her gas and electric as I couldn't see her and her young child sit in the dark and cold all weekend- again this was a long time ago and she paid it back but I would have written that one off if needs be.
These days I stick to the mantra if you lend it don't expect it back and be happy to write it off. I knew DH's mate quite well so I was confident we'd get it back and was proved right.
It's always best not to lend to friends in my opinion- I think they have tapped out their family as that's where most would go first? Different lending to your mum/siblings.

Crispynoodle · 16/03/2024 00:08

We've both lent money to friends and friends have lent money to us. We don't expect it back either and wouldn't argue about it if we can help someone out we would

WonderingAboutThus · 21/04/2024 10:02

If it's not joint money, it's obviously not your business.
It you have some joint money and some separate, it's not your business as long as he pays back to your joint account if the friend doesn't.

If it is joint money, to me it depends how you usually make financial decisions. Would you expect each other to consult one another for that amount of money? If you don't, I think he was fine to lend the money. If you always consult with each other, then I think it was odd/misplaced.

For example we only have joined money BUT we would make very independent financial decisions, even for that amount. F.e. I didnt consult him when I bought our car. He didn't consult me when he planned our wedding reception. So I wouldn't expect him to ask my approval to lend the money.

I don't think lending to family is the same as lending to friends, though. I would lend to my mum (and have, repeatedly) but I would never lend to my friends. As for his family and friends: his call. Frankly, I think some of his friends are more reliable than his family.

Flip