How to split finances

[TealMentor]

My partner and I have been together for just over a year; we are expecting a baby together, it's the first for both of us. We have agreed he will move in to my house for various reasons of convenience. We both own our own homes and have mortgages. He plans to rent out his house when he moves into mine. I work full-time and he works sporadically on a contract basis. I am the higher earner.

He has proposed that when he moves in he pays 50% of bills and food and insists it should be equal. This is on the basis that it's not appropriate for him to pay any form of 'rent' as this would then give him a claim over my property in future. It's worth noting that assuming his property is rented out, he will be in profit of approx. £1k/month once mortgage payments and insurances etc are paid.

I have no issue with splitting bills, indeed I wouldn't have a problem with paying a greater proportion of the bills since I earn more and pay them all by myself right now anyway. I feel a bit 😬about no contribution to 'rent' of some kind even if of a token nature. How has anyone else handled this? A tenancy agreement? I'm also concerned that despite a generous maternity scheme at work, I will not be making the same money when I'm on maternity leave and the burden of the mortgage (currently £2k/month) will be entirely on me alongside any baby-related costs, which is making me feel really anxious.

Any advice/thoughts? Thank you 🤗

So you're being solely responsible for any baby related costs? Am I reading this right? He'll be banking a full wage plus rental profit from his place while you're forking out for nappies and baby stuff on maternity pay which will decrease and leave you with less and less as the months go on?

Tell him to go away and rethink his miserly selfish ways if he wants any kind of relationship with you.

Sorry for confusion! I assume he'll want to go 50/50 on baby costs too.

You assume? I think you'd better start having a serious conversation with him about how to financially provide before baby arrives.

Sounds like an awful plan. It's way too much in his favour. Tbh I wouldn't want him moving in unless we got legally married so that everything is shared.

Who is going to pay for repairs and maintenance to your house, furniture and decoration, insurance etc ?

Whatever you decide, you MUST get your own legal advice and have him sign a cohabitation agreement. Don’t risk your house.

You need a cohabitation agreement before he moves in and a clear chat about finances.

It doesn't seem right that the rent for his place goes only to him.

I'm sure you could have something legal in place that means he won't get any ownership of your place. He should be paying half the rent he is going to get to you (Possibly after setting aside a couple of K to cover upkeep on the rental place amd void periods).

You should also not be struggling on maternity leave when you have a partner who can contribute! If he doesn't see what he should contribute to the wider bills and mortgage (not just baby related costs) when you're on maternity leave, I would worry.

The fairest thing is that all money, earned and rental income, is put into the pot, then all expenses paid from it, savings are put aside eg for expenses related to both properties (either into 1 or two savings accounts equally) then if you prefer you each get a s t amount for personal use, the remaining money in a joint account for household expenses, food, baby care

Yeah I agree with a previous poster. I think it’s sneakily more in his favour.

I don’t really get the term ‘split finances’ when you are ‘joining’ households. Sorry that’s just my opinion.

It sounds like he’s basically living with you for free and it’s not ok.

Tbh it never seems to work properly unless everything’s done together. Anything ‘50/50’ never really is, there’s always a winner and a loser.
The problem with equality is that we’re the one with wombs, equality really is being able to share it together and hold responsibility of everything together.

You’re currently discussing your roommate rather than a partner. I can’t imagine ever have thinking about drawing up a tenancy agreement with my OH unless I thought it might be temporary.

• @Toooldtoworry thanks for the advice on the cohabitation agreement, never heard of those but seems a very sensible route forward having done some research. Thank you 👍🏻

So he gets to live rent free, while pocketing the £1000/month from his own flat. If it s 50:50 then he needs to give you half of that . Not the net figures the gross amount.

He pays the maintenance / costs of his property from his half and you pay the maintenance of your property from your half .

And what about the childcare for your baby? For that to be 50:50 he needs to pay you half of your lost wages and pension contributions during any maternity leave you take. Ideally you would share the family leave 50:50 with him.

And when you are off on leave he needs to do half of the housework and childcare for 168 hours a week minus the time he’s at work and commuting. So if he’s at home from 6pm - 8am ( for example ) on weekdays he’s responsible for baby and housework for half that time.

None of this “ I can’t do night feeds because I’m at work all day “. You are at work all day too, caring for a new born and doing housework.

Or “ baby won’t settle for me “. He needs to learn.

And he needs to pay 50% of baby related costs , including nursery fees, doing half the pick up / drop off and taking days off when baby is sick.

Do NOT even think about going back to work PT after mat leave. you are in a very precarious position here .

It sounds to me as if he wants to pay exactly 50% of the bills ( which he would have to pay 100% of in his own house ) but all the costs that fall to you he wants you to pay 100%.

If he thinks that is fair...why don't you suggest a switch? You live in his house, pay half bills, you keep the rent from yours. See how that goes down.

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. Given me a lot to consider.

@squishyelbows I'm divorced and honestly not keen on getting married again though I do understand your view.

@MyLottie I am worried honestly. I struggle to understand his logic.

@N0Tfunny great points thank you. I really hadn't thought of it that way. I.e. costs I'm avoiding/absorbing by way of being on mat leave. Not to mention all the work of the home and the baby care! Plus the reduced wage when the company mat pay ends (I'm lucky it's generous but it's certainly not full pay throughout). He gets no paid leave or paternity because he's not an FTE and does contract work. So we can't share the leave. When he's not working he doesn't get paid.

@Rosaofthevalley the weird thing is he's the one asserting this is what he should contribute. And I do find it a bit transactional. He is the same with things like days out or meals/takeaways - wants it logged to make sure it's 50/50, exactly like a housemate. The living arrangement is intended to be somewhat temporary until we choose to buy a house together. And as I'm divorced, I rather have something formal in place and not need it than need it because something happens/goes wrong and not have it.

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump I love this! Really, thinking about it, despite the tax impact I'd be much better off this way. And during the statutory maternity pay period the money I'd need to find to cover any gap between taxed rental income and the mortgage would be way less and thus less anxiety inducing!

What has you being a high earner for to do with anything aren't you allowed to have savings. 50/50 ain't right while he is gaining rent from his house also.

Simply with regard to how to split the day to day, as I earn more it wouldn't be offensive to me for the split to be generally proportionate to earnings e.g. 60/40.