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Original poster

Brother and mum's POA

6 replies

buzzcutz · 08/03/2024 13:19

Hi,

My brother has lived with our elderly mother since his divorce about 12 years ago. Mum had to go into a nursing home about 18 months ago due to dementia. She is not able to make financial decisions etc.

Last week I found out that my brother had borrowed 5K from mum's savings. He repaid the debt in full 6 months later. I have challenged him over this and he explained that he needed the money urgently to pay a fine ( I know this is true but I won't elaborate on the details).

He thinks that it's 'no big deal' as the money was paid back. I am not sure if that it right, even with him being POA.

Am I overreaccting? I have been through mums accounts and I can't see anything else that concerns me.

OP posts:
kiwiane · 08/03/2024 13:25

Well it’s done and he paid it back - do you want him removed as a POA?

hatgirl · 08/03/2024 13:26

It's not right but I also know that the OPG won't do anything about it at all if it has now been paid back in full.

Neither will Adult Social Care or anyone else that might have taken an interest if it hadn't been paid back.

Original poster
buzzcutz · 08/03/2024 13:27

kiwiane · 08/03/2024 13:25

Well it’s done and he paid it back - do you want him removed as a POA?

Not sure as I don't think that he is going to doing anything to massively disadvantage her but I am not sure if what he has done is financially abusive

OP posts:
saraclara · 08/03/2024 13:30

It was absolutely wrong of him, as he can only use your mum's money to benefit her.

It's done now, but it needs pointing out to him that it can't happen again.

My brother and I have POA for my mum, we have equal access to her account, and neither of us makes any payments without the knowledge of the other. I also ask my brother to check over the account once a month or so, of he hasn't done so recently. We trust each other implicitly, but I still feel better knowing that he is checking it and that we're both being transparent.

Original poster
buzzcutz · 08/03/2024 13:32

saraclara · 08/03/2024 13:30

It was absolutely wrong of him, as he can only use your mum's money to benefit her.

It's done now, but it needs pointing out to him that it can't happen again.

My brother and I have POA for my mum, we have equal access to her account, and neither of us makes any payments without the knowledge of the other. I also ask my brother to check over the account once a month or so, of he hasn't done so recently. We trust each other implicitly, but I still feel better knowing that he is checking it and that we're both being transparent.

I think it was wrong of him. I can see why he might have seen is as an option as there is quite a lot of money in there and he was able to pay it back quite quickly, but I still don't think that he should have done it.

Mum WOULD have lent or given it to him when she was able to make such decisions, so I think that part of his decision ( albeit a wrong one) was fuelled by that

OP posts:
GogoGobo · 08/03/2024 13:44

I think you're overreacting.
He borrowed, it, he's paid it back.
Your mum would have lent it to him.
You can't see anything else untoward.
Just tell him that you don't want anything like this to happen again, and please ensure it is a one off.

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