How much do you spend on your DC?

[Canweaffordkids]

I hope I’m posting in the right place…I’m a bit scared of MN after seeing a few threads! DH and I are mid-30s and thinking about TTC in the not too distant future. However, we want to make sure we can actually afford it first.

I know childcare is a huge cost (I read around 15k a year under 3 at the moment?), but how much do all the other costs add to your monthly or yearly outgoings? I know this will vary hugely by family circumstances and lifestyles and I imagine by age of children too, but wondered if there is a generally accepted minimum cost for a becoming a family that we should budget and save for on top of nursery fees.

Please can you share how much approximately your spending went up by when you had children? Thank you so much 😀

Childcare costs vary a lot. It can be £100+ a day in London for example... something to be aware of!

In early days
Nappies/wipes. You could get through 6-10 a day.
Formula if not breastfeeding... this isn't cheap.
Clothes... they go through several sizes in the first year, then it calms down
Equipment
Car seats! Can be £££
Plus reduced income.

Now mine are 11&12. This year we are spending around £1k EACH on school trips and Scout camps. Grandparents etc chipping in as birthday and Christmas presents fortunately!!

It’s also loss of earnings, needing more space.

Then it depends on lifestyle.

You end up with a kid that wants to do an expensive hobby or is good at sport so ends up in competitions. You have to ask yourself if you can deny indulgences and say no.

My DS was in a football team for 10 years from age 6. Subs were very reasonable but then he needed to be driven to matches all over the county. A little lift sharing but we enjoyed going to watch him play.

Child poverty Action Group puts the cost at between 166k to 220k birth to age 18.

Thank you @PuttingDownRoots @CharSiu

I think childcare around here (North) would be a bit cheaper than London, thankfully! £100 a day would definitely rule us out of having kids for a while longer to save enough.

I saw the £166k figure when googling and was trying to work out if that was heavily weighted to pre-school years or if it’s more evenly spread.

I hadn’t considered the costs of camps and hobbies being so high, thank you for raising those!

I’m not naturally drawn to a spreadsheet but thinking maybe we should research costs of all the items/services and childcare with a bit of margin for inflation and then save so we can have the first couple of years costs in the bank.

People say to not have children if you can’t afford them, but it’s hard to know if we can!

What they cost as infants is nothing compared to the impact of loss of income due to statutory maternity pay (unless you have amazing enhanced benefits at work).

Babies - big expenses are a car seat, pram, cot. Most other things you can get second hand or very cheap eg high chair, sling/carrier, clothes, toys. Nappies are expensive but I found it offset the cost of me being teetotal while I was breast feeding.

If you can find a funded nursery place you will be lucky but it isn’t free, so your research and your budgeting. Nursery was ruinously expensive when my kids were young and I didn’t make a profit from working (but needed to keep a foothold in my career), I spent it all on childcare (although I did at least get a pension contribution). I really hope the government sorts out the mess it has made of subsidised childcare as it would be a game changer.

Toddlers are otherwise very cheap - don’t need a seat on planes and can share a room with you on holiday. They are just as happy playing with a cardboard box as the whilst tech toy you invested in.

As they get bigger you’ll have to pay for a bed and a larger car seat, I think those have been our biggest expense. Sometimes you can get kids beds second hand (just buy a new mattress).

At school the costs rise - school uniforms are available second hand but you need to fork out for trips, water bottles and lunchboxes, school shoes that are destroyed somehow on a regular basis. If you’re working you’ll have to pay for Holiday Clubs (I budget £30 to £40 a day) and probably Breakfast/After school clubs. And you’ll end up paying for activities and hobbies - say £25 a week. Oh and of course, birthday parties - both hosting and attending. That can get a bit costly.

I buy most of my kids’ clothes on Vinted - including coats - but not trainers/shoes (although have bought wellies, sandals and boots as these don’t get much wear, typically).

Teenagers are expensive. There’s the trips
and school supplies and established hobbies to pay for. They eat loads. They want expensive phones and trainers (you can obviously say No.) They want a Spotify subscription and an epic bedroom makeover and pocket money which they won’t spend wisely. And they start needing a separate room on holiday. And then school insists they have a laptop and no, a Chromebook won’t do. And then driving lessons. But you can make them get A JOB and then it’s their problem. Until university when your income means they don’t get a full student loan and you have to top them up.

Basically: save up.

N

So many people would never have children if they calculated everything on a spreadsheet though...it would sound unachievable! But somehow it all works out. Think of the many thousands of families who are not in a great financial position when they set out. In mid 30s , I would say go for it

I became a sahm so my salary, plus increased gas/electricity bill, higher food bill, holidays are now £££, activities, clothes, extra curricula, then the random stuff. This week alone, new piano book, new toy storage unit, wbd outfit, outfit for class assembly, outfit for school dance show, child won a voucher at school which will probably need topping up. This is just one week.

I dread to think how much we spend. But our lives are so different now it’s not easy to calculate. We could do it cheaper if we needed to.

At your age, if you want children then don’t put it off.

The cost is one of the reasons we stuck to 1 DC as we can easily afford her but 2 would have meant compromising.
The biggest cost will be University, start saving now as so many parents are now asked to contribute/foot the bill which can easily come to 9K per year on top of fees! Yes there are loans but personally we don't want DD going into adulthood with 60K+ debt hanging over her.
We have never added up the costs but she had an expensive hobby (horse riding + pony club) plus we are now paying for private school fees Yr 7-11.
Babies and young children are fairly cheap. They definitely get more expensive the older they get.

in the last month I’ve spent on DS (11)

• £15 new trainers (vinted)
• £600 a cello (second hand - obviously not a regular expense!!)
• £25 a week piano lessons
• £25 a week cello lessons
• £15 a week school lunch
• £50 deposit on school trip in summer term
• £23 - new hoody, shorts and jeans from vinted
• £15 hair cut
• £8 trip to trampoline park with friends

probably other things too which I can’t remember that’s just off the top of my head.

I’m in the north and nursery is £76 a day. We use the gov childcare account so are paying 80% of that so our total for 2 days a week is a £520 a month. But we’ll get the 15 hours next month and then the 30 from September (which is when my newborn will then start so total will be £1,000 a month 🫠).

first was formula fed so at least £15 a week on a tub. Breastfed baby is “free” but I’ve had to buy breastfeeding bras and vests (vinted) and also had to have her tongue tie snipped privately at £250 thanks to the incompetence of the NHS when it comes to breastfeeding.

then swimming lessons are £40 a month each, ballet is £40 per half term, play groups are anywhere from £1-£4 a time, clothes vary hugely and depends where you buy. Food wise my toddler just has whatever we are having so apart from buying her yoghurts we don’t really spend more on food unless eating out.

Oh and I went back to work part time so lost 2/5ths of my income. Then another hit when I went on mat leave with my second! But you make it work and cut your cloth accordingly.

Mine are 7 and 9 and in a relative sweet spot. Biggest expense is wrap around care and holiday clubs which is costly but less than nursery. They don't eat loads, have cheap-ish hobbies (Brownies, Cubs, football, swimming), I buy their clothes mostly from Vinted and they don't have phones. Still using the same Amazon Fires they've had for a few years (Amazon replace quite easily if anything goes wrong!).

Aware that they'll cost more as teens but I do think that there are cheaper options to everything out there so 'lifestyle choice' plays a huge factor in it all.

When they are babies the equipment is expensive but you can buy some lovely items pre used. Your baby won't care at all. Buy a new car seat and mattress but pretty much everything else can be pre used. You can buy bundles of clothes off of market place really cheaply. The toddler years are quite cheap because when you buy a toddler a big toy it doesn't cost much. During this time child care is your major cost. A child minder will be quite a bit cheaper than a nursery or better still if family will help you out. Once your DC goes to school the cost gets cheaper with a little after school club and maybe 1 activity over the weekend. Once a DC reaches about 8 they want a second activity. School trips begin and Cub/Rainbow camps. Nothing prepares you for the teen years when costs really spiral. A Xmas or birthday gift costs a lot of money but it looks like a very small gift. It is so easy to overspend on teens. Plus they will try to convince you everyone else is going on the skiing trip. You are made to feel so mean if you say no. They expect expensive trainers too. Long gone are the days when they were happy with a pair from Asda. The key thing to remember is at every age you can buy top of the range, mid range or pre used. When the DC is tiny it won't care but teens do care so I suggest you buy pre used whilst you can and save your money for when they are teens. My best tip is to start to save for them to go to Uni from the time they start secondary education. Don't leave it until Sixth Form.

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to leave such helpful comments, it’s really kind of you. I’m going through taking lots of notes so I can discuss it with DH.

This has opened my eyes in particular to the costs with older children and teens. Thanks so much @Pleasegotobed for breaking those costs down, even without those occasional one offs, the smaller costs really do add up don’t they.

In terms of income drops etc, I’d love to be able to do shared parental leave, but as he is on double my wage I don’t think that is going to be a goer financially unfortunately. I know my workplace offer an enhanced package for 18 weeks for mat leave, but don’t think that is mirrored if you take shared leave. Not sure what DH’s employer offer for shared either so will check that then we can know our starting point for first year income. Perhaps we can take on some extra work while TTC / in pregnancy to boost the bank account too.

Thank you again to you all for sharing your wisdom 😀

I realise our wrap around costs are cheap compared to some but for mid-Primary DD:
Breakfast club 50p/day (some are £5/day!)
After-school club £12.50/day. I've seen posters pay double this.
Holiday club £30/day
Swimming and tennis lessons £60/mth
Dance class £25/mth and I've just paid £50 for costumes for the end of term show.
Amazon kids subscription £40/yr
Snacks maybe 50p/day
It's easy to spend £200+ on a Birthday Party at a soft play centre.
It's also easy to save money by buying pre-loved. As PP, school polo shirts come from the Supermarkets and other clothes (not shoes) are from Vinted.
From your disposal income, you spend what you can afford.

Honestly OP just forget all financial issues they just work themselves out

First and foremost get on with getting pregnant

I think if you end up thinking about how much children cost you'd never have them. Just go for it, things will work themselves out.

The big expense is nursery, around 10k a year. Then holidays are obviously more expensive because you're paying for more people. In terms of things they need... That can be as expensive as you want it and the sky's the limit, but obviously you can do it cheaply buying second hand and not going crazy with toys. Food isn't loads more expensive. Days out probably add quite a bit.

£15-20k is probably accurate, though this will hopefully go down a lot when my youngest goes to school.

I have late primary aged and teenagers so to give you an idea of the later on spends
Currently I spend
£50 on 3 x mobile phone sim cards
£36 a month on DD contact lenses
pocket money £7.50 for 10 yr old, £15 p/w for 13 yr old and £20 a week for 17 yr old who buys all her own clothes and I don’t want to work in term time while studying
£100 a month for clothes / shoes / uniform
£150 a month for activities, double at least in school hols

obviously increased food costs
Wrap around childcare for one child in primary breakfast and after school club so 7.45am to 6pm is £24 a day
i work slightly less than full time hours even with older children so I can finish slightly earlier and get back for 6pm for youngest and do club / after school activity runs etc and working 4.5 instead of 5 days a week costs me several thousand pounds a year.
try and put aside enough for £200-£300 per child for Xmas and birthdays
travel to school and college for the teens is £140 a month on season tickets.

dont get me started on holidays

I agree we don’t even know if we can have kids, so I’m thinking about a hypothetical situation currently! I know it’s not something we can prepare for years and years, time will run out, but I want to provide as stable financial environment as we can.

Thank you @SqueezedMiddleTummy I hadn’t even thought about pocket money…I guess we won’t be able to get away with 50p a week like I got in the 90s! 😂

It’s so useful to know the costs for activities and wrap around care, those are much higher per month than I had been considering. The media coverage around CoL pressures on families (at least from the outside as a non-parent) is so focused on pre-school childcare costs that it’s easy to miss the costs for older kids if you aren’t directly affected yet.

Thanks so much everyone! 🙏🏻

I would focus on the childcare costs, if you're comfortable you can pay the childcare (or afford the drop in income to do the childcare yourself), you'll be able to cover everything else in future. Ignore anyone who tries to tell you teens are more expensive, teens can be pricey but it is largely discretionary with more flexibility to keep costs down, if you can afford to put a 0-3 year old in nursery, you can afford a teenager, you cant buy second hand childcare on Vinted!

The cost only goes up in my experience. I have 3dds.
In the early days there is the biggest expense of funding maternity leave then childcare. The expensive baby items such as car seat and prams are a big initial outlay but can be passed down to the next child. If you choose to formula feed I saw Aptimil is now £14 a tub and it mounts up, as do nappies etc.
As they get older those things go but activities take their place, for example roughly £23 monthly on swimming lessons, I pay £50 for gymnastics, £40 a week on piano lessons, £140 ish on dance lessons. Then they have dance shows, shoes, uniform, competition and exam fees etc which are not cheap.
Consider the costs you don’t think of really such as extra food , haircuts, holiday expense, a bigger car, birthdays , Christmas, parties and days out, school uniforms and everything from gum shields to ballet shoes to calpol. It adds up very quickly. Now, we are at the point of sixth form and travel costs and looking ahead to possible fees if they go to uni etc.
I wouldn’t change anything though. I’m lucky to have them and give them as much as we do, but I also have moments when I wonder how much we’ve spent over the years and think I might be a bit better off again one day 😂

I wouldn't even think about it. if you do, you probably won't have kids! I'm pregnant and haven't given it any thought to money, will just see how it goes. Hopefully funded childcare for younger ones will kick in. and you get everything free/cheap on facebook.

I like that way of thinking about it @piealhxiprshl! If we budget for the large childcare/loss of earnings costs in the early years then we would be used to finding that amount and could transfer it to the wrap-around care/holiday clubs/activities/transport costs that we’d need to pay later on.

@gluenotsoup I agree, but then but it might be too terrifying to know how much it was in total! 😂

Congratulations on your pregnancy @Rosesanddaisies1! I hope this new funding does work out and make life easier for everyone 🤞

As i mentioned before, not even an average earner, do not know how we do it, but never saved even a penny from a child's things. Everything I buy for my child is brand new, the best etc

I agree that somehow it works out. If I had stopped to worry if I could afford it I would have thought I couldn’t, but we do. Income changes, there are tight times and good ones, so if you think you’re in a position to manage the initial bit the rest will follow.