Debt and general money woes

[alwayslemons]

I need to vent a bit but I also need some advice. I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can talk to in real life as I’m a bit ashamed of my situation, and in particular I don’t want my family to worry.

I’m £3,500 in debt on my Aqua card and I just can’t seem to make a dent in it. I got it as a credit building card (I had a “thin” credit rating, apparently), but when I lost my job during covid I ended up relying on it a bit, and it got out of control. I’ve been selling things and all sorts but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I live in a flatshare with a fairly unpleasant, passive aggressive housemate who makes me feel incredibly unwelcome. I cannot afford to move (I went to view another room this evening and it was so awful). It takes me an hour and a quarter to get to work, standing packed in like a sardine all the way, and every few days the trains make me late because they are really unreliable. My stress levels are through the roof, I feel like I’m constantly gasping for air but can’t take a proper breath.

I’m nearing 40 and I’m just so miserable. I work as a receptionist, and have no qualifications beyond GCSEs. If I leave London I’d be paid considerably less for a similar role, so I’m not even sure that’s the best way out.

Everything is so expensive. I was standing in the supermarket earlier, sort of paralysed because I know I need to eat healthily but I’m so worried about spending money. In the end I just bought eggs; omelettes every night for me this week.

Sorry this is such a bit rambling mess of a post. I try really hard to be upbeat and positive in my life, but today it all just got to me. I sat in my tiny room (permanently messy because there isn’t enough room for all my things), on my bed - which is where I have my meals because my housemate makes me feel like shit - and cried.

I’m lucky In lots of ways, but right now I feel trapped and miserable and I don’t know how to get out of my situation.

Venting does help, get it off your chest as that in itself will lighten the load you are carrying.
Please don’t feel embarrassed. We are all dealing with our own struggles and no one has all the answers to all of the world’s problems.

Starting with the debt, what is the minimum payment you need to make each month? Is this amount realistic for you? It would be worth you calling them to explain your situation they may be able to support you by reducing the minimum repayment amount/freezing the interest etc. give them a call and see what they can do for you?
Set up an account with credit karma. It’s free and can help you view your credit rating without affecting your credit score. You can improve your score without having to spend on a credit card and this website will help you with that.

Your housing situation appears to be a big trigger for your stress levels. What are your options?
Does anyone you know have a room to let or know of anyone who does?how many people do you live with? Are they all unpleasant?

Is it worth speaking with your GP regarding your stress levels? Accept all help that is available to you.
How is your working relationship with your employers? How long have you worked there? Is asking for a pay rise an option? It never hurts to ask, prepare a letter that states your contributions to the role and how you see your role progressing in the future (if that’s what you want). Update your cv to ensure all the information is relevant and ready to be handed out if given the opportunity to apply for something more appealing.

Everything is expensive but could you suggest with friends to take turns for organising dinner, so you get to socialise, not have to spend loads of money and know you are sharing the costs?
Write a list for your next shop so you don’t buy anything you don’t need but will help you remember to buy a selection of items, not just eggs x
They say a messy room is connected to a messy mind, so it’s no wonder you feel your room is cluttered. Don’t overwhelm yourself with big tasks, but start with small jobs. Maybe sort out one drawer, or have a sort out of your wards and find 5 things to donate to charity/sell on Facebook. I’d recon watching YouTube blogs of people who declutter as they can be quite positive. Or sort your life out on bbc1. There are four series to watch.

I’m so sorry everything is so awful. Not a long term solution but you couldn’t go back to your parents for a bit and try and sort everything out from there?

Can you transfer the balance to another card? Its worth a try, perhaps with the bank where you have your current account, as the interest that Aqua charge will keep you in debt for years.

Look on the get out of debt section of Moneysavingexpert.com and draw up a comprehensive budget. What is your monthly income, rent and other essential costs excluding your debt repayments? If you have little or no surplus you might be eligible for a formal debt solution like relief from persistent debt or even a debt relief order.

You say you will earn a lot less outside London but if your housing costs are less, you might be better off especially if you can live in walking distance from work. Remember that NMW increases to £22k pa for a 37 hour week from April so unless you're on a lot more than that now your income might not go down as much as you fear.

@alwayslemons - So just one suggestion there used to be a woman on the money pages ( TalkinPeace ? ) who would always say - do not pay off the minimum by DD on a card make as much as you can by SO . It does make a dent this way

I am sorry you are feeling like this & I wish you well

@alwayslemons do have a look on MN Moneymatters and especially for @Talkinpeace - she has so many good things to say about getting out of debt , she knows whereof she speaks & I would really recommend you reading her posts. - So this does not fix everything but if you felt you were getting on top of your debt it might make you feel a bit better.

If I leave London I’d be paid considerably less for a similar role, so I’m not even sure that’s the best way out

You'd also be paying considerably less for your housing and travel.

If you love London and are surrounded by friends and family then that's difficult of course. But honestly, if you're not, I'd leave. Paying an eye-watering fortune for a tiny room, whilst spending over an hour commuting to work by train each day....these are just not things that people face in vast areas of the UK.

Agreeing with what @SomethingDifferentt has written. There are a few careers that require people living in London but yours isn’t one of them. What is your current wage and rent? Just had a quick peek on rightmove and a little 1 bed flat is £850 in the city closest to me. Shared house for a room including bills in my little town is £600. I’m quite North though. Do you have any friends or family that live in a cheaper part of the country? I have relocated twice, knowing no one the first time it’s easier if you at least have some contacts obviously. I’m looking at your age, you are not ancient by any stretch but when I relocated I was in my twenties and you just have longer to change scenarios if it a move does not suit you.

Either relocate or realise that London will keep you poorer.

Get over to Money Saving Expert.

I would also leave London. And I lived in London between 22 and 37 so I get the fear! I'm in Kent now so not lots different but if I had the chance I'd 100% go north. If you have friends your own age I know from experience that lots of them will start moving away in their late thirties anyway. Not all, but lots! Most of my London friends that I work with are ten years younger than me now.

Just to illustrate the 'working outside London' idea, if you earned NMW and paid 5% into a pension, you'd take home about £1750 pm.

This new build furnished purpose built studio, which looks quite spacious, is £675 pm, which would give you over £1k for all your other living costs and it's on the edge of Leeds city centre so you could walk to work, and could probably get a job immediately, even if it's temping with an agency at the beginning. You'd probably easily earn more than NMW too.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/144104399#/?channel=RES_LET

My first thought after reading your post was the same as others - to leave London. Unless you have a fabulous support network, your quality of life elsewhere will be better. I made the move up north from London at 40, retrained, and it was the best thing I ever did. I also had a similar amount of debt and whilst I appreciate it may seem like a mountain to climb, you will pay it off. The rents in the city I live in are what @ViciousCurrentBun has found when they looked, so not bad if you have a £1,750 take home pay. A weekly bus pass here is £22. I’m guessing your rent and travel costs total at least 50% of your salary?

Thank you all for your responses, they honestly helped me through a really rough few days. I don’t fully understand that spreadsheet but I’m trying very hard and determined to get my head round it!! Percentages, interest rates and all that baffle me a bit which obviously doesn’t help when you want to be financially literate. It feels like a maths lesson to me 🥴 but having the info in front of me is a good place to start.

Some good luck has come my way though in the form of a bigger house share, with some really lovely people. It is slightly less expensive and a much shorter commute to work, and I am hoping it’ll feel more like a home. It’ll take. A bit of time to get on top of things but it’s a good start.

Once again I am very grateful Mumsnet exists ❤️

Great news OP 🙂!