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Original poster

Sister and credit in mums name.

26 replies

Drzepa · 03/03/2024 15:12

Hi,

I’ve recently discovered that my mum has allowed my younger sister to apply for credit using her name. Sister moved in surf mum following her divorce and I know that things have been tough for her financially.

She has three credit cards in my mom‘s name with a total debt of about 10 K. I have spoken to my mum about this at length over the last week and she is assured me that she gave full consent for this. She has also shown me that the payments come directly from my sisters bank and there is no actual cost to her. I was relieved to see that.

my mum is 74 but if very sound mind so I’m not concerned that she’s been duped or anything like that, however I am concerned about the liability on her. If anything happened to my sister then these debts will be the responsibility of my mum. That would be a problem.

my sister is mortified that I know about this. I don’t want to embarrass her or to make anyone feel uncomfortable but I do think that this is a situation that needs to be sorted out quickly. If I had the money I would pay these cards off and then allow my sister to pay me back. Sadly, that is just not an option for me at the moment

my mum has asked me to just leave it as she has no issue with it, however I feel very uncomfortable. Would it be appropriate for me to ask my sister to take out a life insurance policy that would pay the amount owed. That would at least give my mum a safeguard if anything were to happen to my sister?

Apparently my mum and sister have already discussed what would happen if the debt isn’t paid before mum passes away. In that instance my sister’s share of any inheritance would be reduced by the amount owed. There is nothing in writing regarding that, however I think they’re probably should be.

My partner understands my concern but thinks I should probably not get too involved. WWYD?

OP posts:
Whatevershallidowithmylife · 03/03/2024 15:17

It really isn't any of your concern. Two grown adults have come to an agreement they're happy with.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/03/2024 15:21

Your partner is right, don’t get involved. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with you, your mum and sister have this agreement between themselves.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 03/03/2024 15:22

Your sister is starting over following a divorce, your mom is helping her at zero cost. All payments to date have been made by your sister.
10K is not very much money.
You sound jealous and should be ashamed of yourself. How are you helping your sister?

ShortColdandGrey · 03/03/2024 15:25

This is a private arrangement between your mum and sister. It is none of your business, and you should keep your nose out.

Original poster
Drzepa · 03/03/2024 15:37

I know it’s not my business but I’m just worried about how it would Impact mum. I’m also not convinced that she ‘needs’ three cards. I know that she went on a hen weekend last week- did she use one of the cards for this? I do accept that she pays the bills though

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 03/03/2024 16:01

Your husband is right, mind your own business.

skyeisthelimit · 03/03/2024 16:07

OP, you are right to be worried. I know somebody who

paid off sons debts to avoid bankruptcy by re-mortgaging her house
son built up same debt again and went bankrupt anyway
life insurance had to be cancelled as loan from mum was written off by official receivers - son had no choice
son died unexpectedly and mum was stuck paying the mortgage for sons debt

Your sister is taking advantage of your mum. Your mum probably thinks that she is helping your sister, but she isn't, she is enabling her to get into debt.

If your sister can't afford it then she shouldn't be buying it.

The cards should be destroyed, your sister should clear the debt as quickly as she can, and she should have life insurance that goes to your mum to cover the amount borrowed.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 03/03/2024 16:14

It’s absolutely none of your business. The fact that you mention the hen do is absolutely indicative of the fact that you are judging her spending when it’s f all to do with you. And the inheritance. For sure it’s good to have that in writing. But it is not for you to sort out. Step away and stop being a grabby arse (because you can deny it if you like but you know that is a big element).

Frogmarched · 03/03/2024 16:25

skyeisthelimit · 03/03/2024 16:07

OP, you are right to be worried. I know somebody who

paid off sons debts to avoid bankruptcy by re-mortgaging her house
son built up same debt again and went bankrupt anyway
life insurance had to be cancelled as loan from mum was written off by official receivers - son had no choice
son died unexpectedly and mum was stuck paying the mortgage for sons debt

Your sister is taking advantage of your mum. Your mum probably thinks that she is helping your sister, but she isn't, she is enabling her to get into debt.

If your sister can't afford it then she shouldn't be buying it.

The cards should be destroyed, your sister should clear the debt as quickly as she can, and she should have life insurance that goes to your mum to cover the amount borrowed.

That’s a very sad story, but an extreme example.

I agree that getting more and more into debt isn’t great, but I don’t agree that it’s taking advantage if she is making the payments.

I think that the life insurance is a good idea though

hangingonfordearlife1 · 03/03/2024 17:09

my sister had a 28k loan in my moms name and has a new iphone loan every 2 years. she's took the loan to. clear her debts otherwise would've lost her house. i'm not bothered, i'm just glad i'm not in such a shitty position. she's nearly paid all the loan back now and never missed a payment. my mom is 74 and dad passed away half way through loan term.

Itsaplanejane · 03/03/2024 17:13

There seem to be a fair few of these recently on here; the "my parent and my sibling have come to an agreement but I'm worried about how it'll affect my inheritance."
This is absolutely none of your business. Your Mother and your sister are two consenting adults who have come to an agreement that does not involve you. There is nothing for you to safeguard, you've made it very clear that your Mum is not a vulnerable adult (being 74 does not in itself make her vulnerable) and she is more than capable to decide for herself what she wants to do with her money, how she wants to support her child, and what provisions she wants to put in place to protect herself should the worse happen. You have nothing to do with this and the fact that you are related does not give you an automatic right to know all the details or be offering your opinion on the matter if it's hasn't been asked for so stay out of it.

SummerFeverVenice · 03/03/2024 17:17

Your mum is aware, mentally competent and has consented to help your sister. So long as the cards your sister uses have her name on them, with her as an authorised user on your mum’s credit accounts this is completely above board and legal.

I understand the concern as your sister doesn’t sound very good with debt and finances. I would take the tact of trying to get your sister to step change or another debt charity before the £10k mushrooms in to £50k or more.

I would ask your mum to ensure that her will is updated to include the provisio that the cost to pay off any debts on the list of accounts your sister has been using come from your sisters share of any inheritance if your mum passes away. You don’t mention your mum having a spouse or civil partner so am presuming she is single/widowed.

Original poster
Drzepa · 03/03/2024 18:14

SummerFeverVenice · 03/03/2024 17:17

Your mum is aware, mentally competent and has consented to help your sister. So long as the cards your sister uses have her name on them, with her as an authorised user on your mum’s credit accounts this is completely above board and legal.

I understand the concern as your sister doesn’t sound very good with debt and finances. I would take the tact of trying to get your sister to step change or another debt charity before the £10k mushrooms in to £50k or more.

I would ask your mum to ensure that her will is updated to include the provisio that the cost to pay off any debts on the list of accounts your sister has been using come from your sisters share of any inheritance if your mum passes away. You don’t mention your mum having a spouse or civil partner so am presuming she is single/widowed.

Edited

She’s widowed x

OP posts:
Frogmarched · 03/03/2024 20:20

I’d do the same for my child. In fact, I’d probably give him/her the money if I had it. Your mum hasn’t actually given any money away. She has just allowed your sister to use her available credit. Without making generalisations, I expect that your mum is at a point in her life where she doesn’t worry too much about her borrowing power or credit score.

i’m sure that your mum has considered the risk but feels that this is outweighed by how much she can help your sister.

Biscuitsrme · 03/03/2024 22:59

Sorry, but this is nothing at all to do with you. I’d be so annoyed if one of my kids felt that they could interfere with a private arrangement that I’d made with one of their siblings.

it doesn’t matter what you think about it!

KissyMissy · 03/03/2024 23:05

Not your business.

stillistand · 03/03/2024 23:12

I am one of four siblings. I have never had financial help from my parents, however I know that my younger sibling has. She has run up debt and has needed bailing out on a few occasions.

I admit that I have rolled my eyes privately, but I wouldn't dream of actually articulating this to her or my parents. It would damage my relationship with all of them.

Ultimately it's their money. Nothing at all to do with me.

Original poster
Drzepa · 04/03/2024 07:18

I must admit, I am a little surprised by the responses on here. I thought more people would share my view and understand why I’m concerned about my mum.

OP posts:
Itsaplanejane · 04/03/2024 07:42

Drzepa · 04/03/2024 07:18

I must admit, I am a little surprised by the responses on here. I thought more people would share my view and understand why I’m concerned about my mum.

It's not about not understanding why you're concerned. You can be quietly concerned to yourself all you want and no one here can tell you whether you are justified in feeling that way or not as only you know your Mum and your sister. But that doesn't stop this still being none of your business. You have no reason to believe that your Mum is not fully capable of deciding for herself what she wants to do and you have no right to swoop in with your 'I know best' hat on and start telling her what she should be doing. At best it's condescending and at worst it's controlling.
I also think you need to be really honest with yourself and ask yourself how much are you worried about your Mum and how much do you just feel this isn't fair to you. You've already registered that the inheritance element is something you've been considering which means that you're not 100% thinking only of your Mum's welfare here but how this will impact what you get after your Mum is gone.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 04/03/2024 08:26

Drzepa · 04/03/2024 07:18

I must admit, I am a little surprised by the responses on here. I thought more people would share my view and understand why I’m concerned about my mum.

what are you worried about? it's 10k not a hundred and she's paying it back. or are you worried about your inheritance?

Original poster
Drzepa · 04/03/2024 09:15

hangingonfordearlife1 · 04/03/2024 08:26

what are you worried about? it's 10k not a hundred and she's paying it back. or are you worried about your inheritance?

Show quote history

I think that 10k is significant

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 04/03/2024 09:21

I’ve always been nervous about credit in other peoples names - my mum used to take out credit in my name, as a teen, and then my sister did similar. It’s stressful and potentially has massive impacts on your life.

But it’s not fraud in this case; your mum is older and knows the risks, and she’s agreed to this. She’d be in a valid position to ask for reassurances about when it’ll be paid back, and plans for how your sister intends to do so; but you are not. She’s your mum, but she doesn’t owe you financial details and she hasn’t asked for your advice.

I think you just have to sit with your discomfort on this one.

SlowlyLurking · 04/03/2024 09:31

I think more people would be worried if it seemed like your sister was taking advantage of your mum which doesn't appear to be the case at all. The bills are being paid, both parties are happy with the situation, everyone's a grown adult and the only person unhappy here is you.

Mindymomo · 04/03/2024 09:40

I would also find it a bit worrying, is there a reason your sister cannot get a credit card in her name. Your DM saying if anything happens, the money owing will come off inheritance, then she needs to put this in writing. Now your sister knows that you know, hopefully you can talk about it between you, but I wouldn’t be angry at your sister, there’s obviously a reason she needs help, but as long as she’s making the payments and not just the minimum, otherwise the £10,000 will soon become much more.

chalkboarder · 04/03/2024 12:21

This type of arrangement isn't that unusual. My daughter's car loan is in my name. She wasn't able to get as good a rate as me, due to a mobile phone contract issue that impacted her credit file.

The payment comes directly from her account so I don't even see it. I am full aware that I am 100% liable for this debt if she were to stop paying. This is something that I considered before agreeing to do it. Ultimately, I know that if she wasn't able to pay then I would be able to make the payments. I don't for one minute think that this will happen, however it's a sort of 'risk assessment' that I had to go through. Perhaps your mum thinks the same.