Secret debt

[puddles15]

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but really need some advice. Three years ago I found out my husband had £20000 debt that he had hidden from me. He fortunately borrowed from his dad to pay off the credit cards as the repayments were too much for him to pay. He set up a new manageable payment plan with his dad. He has nearly paid this off now thankfully. I was thinking of some home improvements that needed doing and said to my husband oh once the debt is cleared we can maybe think of saving to complete these improvements. Husband agreed. Today I found a letter which showed my husband has got a new credit card and spent £3000 on online gaming and hid this from me. I'm so angry. 😡

So the £3000 has been accrued in less than a year! £300 a month. Thats a lot to spend in secret. I can’t really believe he stopped for two years then started playing again, so are there other hidden debts? He must have known what he was doing. It may be a game, but it is a sort of gambling.

I think you would be best to thoroughly safeguard your own financial security as a first step:

• Close any joint accounts and cards.
• Hide your personal ID documents so they can't be used to open new accounts in your name.
• Check your own credit history, and score for anomalies.
• Ensure you have access to the mortgage account so you can check if there are any unusual transactions or missed payments.
• Sign up for alerts from the Land registry, in case anyone tries to make changes to the registry - such as take out another mortgage or secured loan.

Do you have a joint mortgage? Could you afford a mortgage on your own?

That’s shocking for anyone over the age of 14. What a fool he is. So irresponsible and foolish, spending money he doesn’t have on gaming like a young teenager.

im sorry op but id be out. I couldn’t be with someone so immature and irresponsible. It would be like parenting a young teen

however my only concern and what I think is a real possibility is does he have additional needs?

He was paying minimal amounts off then ended up paying £600 a month off which he couldn't afford so I asked his dad to step in and help

you asked his father??

@JJathome he was making threats to end his life so I felt like I had no where else to turn. I have a good relationship with his father and asked him to step in and help sort the debt so he could make lower monthly payments to his father and actually be able to afford to live as we were drowning in debt because of him.

@JJathome no additional needs at all just a very stupid man that apparently got addicted to a game about farming and winning gems to get higher in a league or something like that. The game was taking over his life. Playing for over 8 hours a day which we argued about at that point I didn't even know he was spending money on it.

@paperpickles thank you for the amazing advice I will take those points on board.
Our mortgage is joint yes and I'm currently studying and working night shifts but I do earn a decent wage which may just tide me over xx

I play a couple of these types of games and there are people who will spend literally thousands to be at no1 in the rankings. The problem is there are always several big spenders so you go high, then someone overtakes you so you then have to spend more to move further up. Its an addiction for some people for sure. Someone I know online spent over 1k in a couple of weeks on a single in game event. Other players also tend to "look up" to people who are high level so there's the psychological element of that.

Not saying any of this to excuse him at all. Just explaining how it happens. It's what these games rely on to make their money. However, anyone who can't control themselves shouldn't be playing.

Honestly I don't think he's going to change. He hasn't learnt his lesson after his dad bailing him out. He could just delete the current games but he'll find new ones or something else to waste money on. He's not suddenly going to become financially responsible. I think you've put up with enough already.

Glad to hear you have an independent income. It gives you a big safety net and much more palatable options. Start saving as much as you can for any eventuality - in your name and don't tell your H about the savings. If you decide to divorce it can be a very expensive business.

Do you have alternative childcare options for your night shift if you decide to split?