I have posted about my DP before - i don't really want to discuss our "relationship" just the financial side.
Background- we have been together unmarried for 20 years - have one child. I have always been the biggest earner. When DS was born DP was officially primary carer (DS was in nursery 3 days a week - taken/collected by me.... primary school DP did most of school runs although i generally looked after DS during weekends- so not as clear cut)- DS is pretty independent now.
DP used to work a bit and contribute a share to income. Post DS he has barely worked or kept income to himself. When"we" bought a house he wouldn't contribute any capital (he had sold a house previously ) or go on the mortageg- therefore he isn't on the deeds.
We've been through some downs financially- i lost my job - eventually got a lower paying one - funded the gap in our living expenses from savings (DP's only suggetsion during this time was we could downsize- no suggestion he would get a job) - i did fund his retraining at this time (although i never thought that "career" would really pay anything - and have been proved right - although he hasn't really tried)
Currently we are overseas( had to follow my job- he loves the place i don't) - i pay for everything- he will not get a job (excuses include- he needs a job to fit around childcare- i've always said we can get childcare to fit after he has a job- now its not even relevant, he can't find a job he likes - i didn't realise you had to like them - or he finds the idea of work stressful!) - he is doing some part time work but he keeps this money to himself- his argument is that it reduces what he takes out of the joint account- he uses the joint account for everything- my birthday present, his mothers birthday present, accommodation for himself etc
I found out last night ( a flippant remark)- that he still has all the savings from his house sale (or at the very least a substantial proportion of them) - so has had income for this and has been building a savings pot all this time - i am furious- when i lost my job i really needed a break and couldn't because of money, we didn't have another child because of money/my need to work - he has watched me use my savings - not save into my pension and he has this money. He is living the life of a retired person now- a little bit of pottering around work, no responsibilities everything paid for- at my expense. I tried to get him to admit that it was just wrong and he won't.
I'm trying to work out what to do. I'm consulting lawyers about what happens if we split up (NOT IN uk) - but want him to contribute - either a set amount (percentage of house outgoings), or a different amount or insist he works or shares savings - i just want him to understand how unreasonable he is being - how do i make him see