Budget help

[Sarabudgetly]

Created a new username for this.

I’m terrible at budgeting and have generally managed to get away with it by earning a high salary. But I’ve resolved to get a handle on my finances this year after getting stung with a few tax bills recently and my DD starting private school in September. I earn £160k and my income is £7,600 pcm after all deductions including pension, critical illness cover and PMI. I get bonuses but I haven’t factored these in as they are discretionary. This year’s bonus will be used to pay my tax bill.

I don’t have any savings and I don’t have much left over each month, sometimes I am in my overdraft. This is stressful and in the last year I’ve had to borrow money from parents on a short term basis to cover unexpected bills (such as my roof falling in). Everything else just gets paid from my salary when the bill lands.

This budget reflects my everyday life without making any dramatic changes. I appreciate that I earn a lot but, putting that aside, looking at my budget are there any areas for obvious savings? What aspect of my budget seems unrealistic or wasteful to you? I have friends who earn much less but seem to have bigger homes and a better quality of life. Admittedly, they do not send their children to a private school so probably just have more disposable income.

My mortgage (£1,700pm) is paid from my contribution to the joint account. My husband is on a much lower salary but also contributes towards our mortgage and pays for our car (a 3 year loan of £360pm we are repaying to parents), food shopping, fuel, utilities and other clubs for our DD. He also doesn’t have a lot left over each month.

I don’t know when you fit in time to work 😂

classes, gym, fortnightly visits to farm, national trust visits, book club, dinner with friends, Saturday am in bed, Uber, train travel, Netflix, Disney, gymnastics etc

im exhausted 🥰and in admiration of how many different subscriptions you can fit in

tbh I live a simple life without subscriptions, apart from a private gym club.

my suggestion would be, stop them all but two each you choose to keep

then see if you really miss the others you ditched

cook ready meals or M&S meals for 2 instead of takeaways

your travel expenses are mega, Uber and carpark fees why not just use Uber and ditch a car - bet it’d be cheaper

meal deals at lunch are under £5 even that saves £10 per week which is £480 a year - which covers one of your chosen subscriptions

good luck

private schooling is a non-negotiable

I can appreciate the value of private at secondary, but I do think that state primary, moving private for secondary, would be worth considering.

I think it’s a bit of a red flag here that your husband won’t engage in a proper conversation about the budget and he shouldn’t dismiss you on this. I wonder if he realises how much financial pressure you are under to cover everything else.

If he earns 35k, and you are giving him £1700 a month, that’s 4k a month he’s spending on the bills, which is a lot, but you pay for all the fun stuff.I really would like to see all the joint outgoings as you might be able to trim this down. Ie how much does he spend on all this prepared food? I would be worried about the salt levels have ready prepared food or takeaways everyday

Also you say you don’t want to ask him to hoover but I’m a SAhM, 2 children, partner is a higher earner on near you and of course he can still pick up a hoover, run an errand , pick the children up sometimes, go to the shop at weekends etc

(Edit, I don’t mean I would like to see your joint outgoings on mumsnet, I mean if I were you I would ask him to show you!)

I'd be very interested to see what your DH's expenses look like.

He seems to be covering an awful lot - mortgage, utilities, car, insurance, groceries, savings etc etc. with your £1750pcm.

And I have to say, for someone who lives a very comfortable lifestyle, £50pcm to cover Christmas (gifts, outings, groceries, etc) seems on the low side.

There so much you can trim, but you seem very resistant. I strongly recommend YNAB which shows you an accurate picture of how your expenses look.

OP you need to find out how much the bills are he is paying. Isn't there any paperwork lying around? Mortgage, water, utilities, council tax. All can be found and used to estimate his outgoings.

I am just staggered that someone on such a high wage is living hand to mouth, pay cheque to pay cheque .
I also agree a spouse who earns a fraction of what you do yet is secretive about his own budget and refuses to help more around the house is a worry .
If you become ill OP or unwell the whole house of cards comes tumbling down .

Buy yourselves some lovely water bottles, insulated mugs, Tupperware/lunch boxes/bags you love, assess your bags/backpacks to ensure they're comfortable/practical/stylish enough or whatever, find places for all of this to live in your house so they're easy to use (Amazon/ TK maxx are your friends, you really don't need everything top of the range).

Food plan... quick breakfasts, lunches (wraps, salads with ham or pre-cooked frozen chicken are so easy), nice snack bars, apples, bananas), drink tap water/homemade hot drinks, and as PP have said work out some quick weeknight teas that you DH can prepare... tray bakes / veggies are excellent. You don't need to cut to the bone. Order shopping online from Tesco/Ocado or whatever weekly or every 5-6 days.

Limit takeaways to one per month. Cut out the wine, have a nice herbal tea instead. Take drinks/snacks with you on days out as above. Order toiletries with your online shop. Seriously cut back on makeup. Stop theatre trips for a couple of years. Have a year of no weekends away and a cheap week in the sun to build up that buffer. You have days out coming out of your ears anyway!!

Consider your subscriptions... farm park for a start?

I'm not joking, you won't even feel this after a month or so, and you'll easily save 1000s in the course of a year.

The above is how I live.... I'm fine, I don't feel deprived and you'll still have loads of lovely stuff going on.

Nearly £3000 a year on takeaways is madness! I get the M&S Indian or Chinese box for two, around once a month. I think it's about £12 and it's more than enough food for me and DH. Also what sort of takeaways are you getting? Doesn't sound the healthiest for 2 mess every week?

I think if you cut down on the takeaways you wouldn't need the personal trainer or weight loss supplements! Win win all round!

OP we have a £240pcm budget for takeaways too, but ours is all takeaways and eating out. Every time we grab lunch out anywhere, any takeaway, and evening dinners out. And there are 2x adults and 2x adult-portion eating teens for all of those.

If you cut to a Friday take away only it will cut that part in half for you, but then if you put it hand in hand with packed lunches for days out and also reduce the theatre/dinner with dh trips to yours and his birthdays only, there's a real saving to be had across all of those lines.

It would be helpful to know what the grocery bill is - we budget £1000 pcm for all supermarket spends (regardless of what we actually buy at the supermarket) and school lunches. We usually spend about 750pcm all in, so that remainder rolls forward and means we have slack in the supermarket category to cover the Christmas groceries.

@caringcarerYou don't need classes, bits and shops. Just used your gym membership and work out on your own.

This is PT and weight loss supplements. I actually need the gym membership for the PT. I’m fat and it gets me down so I’m tackling it hard with the aim of hitting goal weight by summer.

You certainly don't need takeaway twice a week and at £120 each time what on earth do you eat? The takeaways are for 2 people twice a week at £30 per order, £240 is the monthly cost. It’s Thai food and we order from a local home business, the chef makes adjustments for us to make it healthier and I think it’s good value at £30. We have agreed to cut this down to once a week. If you are paying for whole family why does it not come from joint account?
The joint account really just has enough for scheduled bills, not enough for things like food shopping and takeaways. I pay for takeaways because DH pays for the food shop.

Your holiday does not need to cost £7k a year. Again why are you paying the whole cost? Surely it's a joint expense. Do a Eurocamp or a couple of cheaper city breaks.
This is actually the budget for a Centre Parcs trip at Easter, summer holiday and weekend away in autumn in the UK for our anniversary.
DH has no extra money after he has covered his share of bills so I pay as I earn more.

Also you are paying £1700 to your joint account. What's that for?
Our mortgage is £1750 pm. This transfer is for our mortgage and DH pays utilities, food shop, car and car costs and fuel.

You could take your lunch 3 times a week. No need to eat out every day. Just take a sandwich and fruit and buy a coffee some days.
I’m only in the office 3 days a week but planning to take lunch in at once twice. Actually bought stuff for packed lunch today but then ran out of time and it’s still in the fridge! Lesson learned is that packed lunch needs to be done the night before.

£100 make up and toiletries are really high. £10 a week should suffice. That allows you to replace something every month as you use things up.
The £100 covers the family toiletries and my makeup. This includes DD’s hair care and my and DH’s skincare - DH has a moisturiser and SPF, I have the same (but different brands), plus cream cleanser, face wash and Vit C serum. It all gets replaced every 3 months but this is the averaged monthly cost.

You seem to be paying for everything like the cleaner. What does your partner pay for? As well as the above, he pays travel into London 4x a week so a bit more than my own travel costs as I go in 3 days.

Confusedlots -"I think if you cut down on the takeaways you wouldn't need the personal trainer or weight loss supplements! Win win all round!"

This is what I thought. Too much eating out, takeaways and bought lunches as well as food from attraction outlets on days out.

Can't DH learn to cook e.g a side of salmon - takes 25 mins or so? Or even just put some chicken breasts in the oven in a casserole dish with a packet mix? Or a bog standard bolognese?

I would feel dreadful on your diet.

I think you just need to live a bit more simply and you'll save money, get healthier and lose the weight you want to.

You don't need to have...

All the nice food
All the nice toiletries/supplements
All the nice experiences
All the nice holidays

Seriously we quite often just have beans on toast and an early night some evenings, or a walk to the park with the DCs on a Saturday afternoon and come home to watch gladiators.

I think you and you DH should definitely consider a joint account for ALL household spending though. Maybe keep a little back for personal spending. And prioritise long and short term SAVING. You have loads of money!!

@Moonpig82 Hi OP we are both high earners DH £180k and I'm around your range. We have to just plan in advance!! We discuss food together, if I'm working late he'll grab some jacket potatoes and get them going if he's home first with the kids. DH does school pick up (I do morning drop off) so he’s always home first. He cooks for DD but she’s a fussy eater and has very simple tastes - pasta and sauce, soup, cheese tortilla, beans on toast etc. Jacket potatoes are actually a good idea for us as I can make fillings to go in the freezer.

Air fryers are brill! I can quickly chop some chicken and quickly marinade it - then we and kids have it with wrap/cheese salad.
Are air fryers basically an oven? I don’t have one. Used to have a slow cooker but barely used it, it ended up in the attic and my mum eventually took it!

Anyway you get my drift. I do, thank you for the ideas.

I do plan to see an IFA and it’s my next step after sorting the budget.

DH pays towards mortgage (you're not sure how much the monthly payment is).
He covers car costs. His own travel costs. Food shop. Utilities, council tax, extra clubs for DD.
Insurances, savings.
And his own socialising, hair cuts, clothing, hobbies.

All on less than a quarter of what you earn.

That seems quite a bit off kilter to me. How is his pension looking?

Rather than takeaways, can I suggest gousto or hello fresh. Tasty, quick and easy to prepare. DH and I get a box about once a month and cook together. It's cost effective while feeling like a treat.

Don't see a IFA. You are not saving enough to need one and that will be another expense.

I actually think your dh is loosing out here.

Looking at your spreadsheet, £991 is personal spends on yourself (fun money, essentially). And that's fine. But it's shit that your dh doesn't seem to have any.

I gleaned what I could from your posts and have estimated some numbers based on my own costs.

Dh total Income 3,700 (2k wages, 1700 from your account).

Total outgoings
1750 mortgage
200 utilities
50 water
150 Council tax
50 house insurance
400 work travel (yours is 300 for 3 days)
35 phone contract (his)
50 car insurance
50 car maintenance (mot, service, repairs)
100 fuel
800 groceries

So there's £65 a month left over, and all of his costs (apart from his mobile) are family costs. And he says he puts 100 in savings, so I'm guessing he doesn't have spare money to buy himself a coffee once a week or go for dinner with friends - which you say you spend in the region of 900pcm on.

It's looking incredibly imbalanced.

I’m working through the comments but just wanted to first say that @SecondUsername4me and @Gazelda are correct on DH’s finances. He stretches his income very far and most of his income is spent on family expenses. He spends very little on himself. I would like to see his expenditure so that we can adjust the balance in his favour but he doesn’t see any need to. He is correct when he says that if any expenditure needs to be cut it needs to come from my side as he has no fat to trim (literally and figuratively). E.g he runs outside while I PT. He could earn more but his field of interest is low paying and one of us needs to have stable working hours otherwise we would need a nanny for school pick up.

The OP also said he is paying for a car loan of £360 a month too, it does look very tight when writing it all down (but maybe groceries wouldn’t be that high). His low income with high commute costs are really not ideal here and maybe he could look at a higher paid role / working from home more in the future

I think the stark reality of your situation here is that you are spending 10k every month, and saving about £100, which is 1 %. Obviously that is not enough and it’s time for you both to take control of this. I think your finances could be transformed by following a lot of advice here :)

But aren't you embarrassed that he covers all of the household costs (except mortgage) and does the lions share of the childcare and doesn't have a penny piece to treat himself whilst you cover one household bill and spend 1k on yourself every month?

It's borderline financial abuse here.

Honestly OP I think it’s easy to get lazy when you earn a lot of money. I remember saying to my IFA that I don’t think we live the lifestyle of people who earn our money and she was like you spend £20k a year on holidays and £30k on school fees, very very few people live your life. I think it was an eye opener for us to be honest and now we are literally stuffing our pensions with all that we can!

@SecondUsername4me He doesn’t cover all of the household expenses - I cover school fees for starters! I would like him to have more disposable income but it’s not something he is bothered by.

I don’t think I’m financially abusing my DH. Yes, I spend close to £1k on myself each month but I’m also not pocketing the remaining £6.5kish that I’m earning.

Yes, you cover school fees. Because you say these are non negotiable. What's his thoughts?