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Original poster

DH borrowed sons savings

26 replies

chippington · 03/02/2024 08:53

Hi,

I am a bit pissed of with DH. He is self employed and had a bit of an issue last month when he was unable to work for a couple of weeks due to an injury ( he needs insurance - lesson learnt!!).

A few days ago I found out that he had borrowed £1000 from our sons's savings. It's an online saving account that we both have access to. We both pay £100 a month in to it.

He has now paid all of the money back, but I am annoyed that he didn't tell me. He has apologised and said that he was embarrassed and knew that he could repay it quickly, so just did it.

Am I wrong to still be annoyed?

OP posts:
itiswhatitis82 · 03/02/2024 08:54

If he has paid it back I don't see what the issue is.

BrutusMcDogface · 03/02/2024 08:55

He paid it straight back. You are wrong to still be annoyed.

Baconking · 03/02/2024 08:57

I can see why you're annoyed. It wasn't his take and he should look elsewhere for a loan to see him through or at least discuss it with you, so you both agree.

At least he did pay it back though and you've since discussed it so I doubt he would do it again

labamba007 · 03/02/2024 09:00

How would you have reacted if he'd have asked to borrow it? If you're reasonable and understanding then yes, he was wrong not to tell you. But if you'd have been angry then I can see why he kept it from you.

Poppalina37 · 03/02/2024 09:04

He's paid it back, we do this all the time.

C1N1C · 03/02/2024 09:12

I'm 60:40 on this... 60 saying he should probably have said "I'm a bit short, I'll dip in and repay within a week"... but then again, if he knew he could, by the time he's asked, he's probably repaid anyway, so no harm no foul.

2031MummyTBC · 03/02/2024 09:15

If he paid it back, it's fine.

I've had money taken and never repaid by a so-called parents, so I'm typically against taking money. But no harm caused here.

Next time, he should tell you, though, and it shouldn't become a habit.

100percentage · 03/02/2024 09:31

If you're both chipping in monthly then it's your combined money until you choose to give it to your son. I've done this before to bridge a gap in a lean month. Don't see the issue.

QueenApple · 03/02/2024 09:36

Youre angry even now that the money is paid back.
I understand why he didn't tell you.
He shouldn't have told you at all.

I don't see what the problem is. YABU.

Honeychickpea · 03/02/2024 09:43

chippington · 03/02/2024 08:53

Hi,

I am a bit pissed of with DH. He is self employed and had a bit of an issue last month when he was unable to work for a couple of weeks due to an injury ( he needs insurance - lesson learnt!!).

A few days ago I found out that he had borrowed £1000 from our sons's savings. It's an online saving account that we both have access to. We both pay £100 a month in to it.

He has now paid all of the money back, but I am annoyed that he didn't tell me. He has apologised and said that he was embarrassed and knew that he could repay it quickly, so just did it.

Am I wrong to still be annoyed?

For how long do you intend to use this as a stick for his back?

Runnerduck34 · 03/02/2024 10:01

Ideally he should have said before he did it.
But if you're still angry now, I can understand why he didn't.
It was an emergency when he couldn't work and he paid it back really quickly.
Better than getting a payday loan urgently credit card surely?
If all money in the savings consist of what you and DH have put then I guess in a way 50% of it is his until its completely signed over/ given to DC when their adults.
What did he use money for? Was it to cover essentials ? That would make a difference to how I feel about it.
Saving for DC is a wonderful thing to do but if an injury means you can't work and pay bills then it's common sense to use the savings.
If on the other hand he's taken money out to buy luxuries I wouldn't be impressed.

PaperDoIIs · 03/02/2024 10:28

How would you have reacted if he told you?

orangegato · 03/02/2024 10:30

Plenty of shitbags on here don’t pay it back.

He should really have some money aside though as it’s bleak scrounging off your child behind everyone’s back.

Testina · 03/02/2024 11:59

I’d be looking to what’s wrong in your relationship that you didn’t know he was critically short, and he didn’t tell you.

My husband would have said, “oh shit I can’t pay xyz” and I’d have said, “I’ll pay it” or “let’s use son’s savings.”

Why aren’t you close enough to finances to know that there was going to be an issue?

It sounds like as a couple, you need to be better with your money. Where were your (as a couple) savings? I know not everyone is in a position to save, but if he was able to repay it so quickly, it sounds like you could…

I know that’s mostly written from the point of view of your “fault” - that’s just because you’re the one posting. I’d say the same to him - what’s wrong in your personal relationship and how you manage household finances that one of you could be completely unaware that the cash flow situation was such an issue?

Original poster
chippington · 03/02/2024 16:18

Testina · 03/02/2024 11:59

I’d be looking to what’s wrong in your relationship that you didn’t know he was critically short, and he didn’t tell you.

My husband would have said, “oh shit I can’t pay xyz” and I’d have said, “I’ll pay it” or “let’s use son’s savings.”

Why aren’t you close enough to finances to know that there was going to be an issue?

It sounds like as a couple, you need to be better with your money. Where were your (as a couple) savings? I know not everyone is in a position to save, but if he was able to repay it so quickly, it sounds like you could…

I know that’s mostly written from the point of view of your “fault” - that’s just because you’re the one posting. I’d say the same to him - what’s wrong in your personal relationship and how you manage household finances that one of you could be completely unaware that the cash flow situation was such an issue?

I think that he was just embarrassed. I don't think that we have any deep relationship issues.

OP posts:
leafingaround · 03/02/2024 16:43

But this is where you could say look I understand you were embarrassed but you were injured and off work so not earning. We are a team and we face these sorts of things together.

Would you have said let's borrow the money from your son's account or not? I think he perceives that you wouldn't have immediately turned to that.

See this is why when we had savings for the future we didn't specifically save in their names. The intent was we would be using it for their university years but not as their money but ours to choose to do as we wish with it. Take it from someone whose youngest child is almost 18, you have no idea what kind of child you will have, you could potentially give them access to their savings and they could blow it all. My sons did have bank accounts in their names that their grandparents paid into, Ds1 paid his into a LISA at 18 and the rest in the next year's LISA allowance. Ds2 will be doing the same. The massive tens of thousands pot is in my name to dish out as support for Ds1 at uni.

AnnaMagnani · 03/02/2024 16:46

I honestly don't see the issue.

My parents 'borrowed' my savings when I was a child. And then were never in a position to pay them back.

But honestly what is the point of your child having savings if you can't pay the bills?

OpalOrchid · 03/02/2024 16:47

He paid it back.It's a non issue.

missmollygreen · 03/02/2024 18:17

It was wrong not to tell you, but he has apologised and wont do it again.
So no need to still be annoyed

Iceywhite · 03/02/2024 18:22

I don’t see the issue here tbh. He borrowed some accessibly money short term. I really don’t see the issue here??

AutumnFroglets · 03/02/2024 18:26

Why didn't he come to you first if he was having trouble paying bills? Why was his first thought raiding his child's savings?

I would let it go this time but you both need to agree that this isn't a reasonable option in future. Also check the account T&C, some don't allow withdrawals unless it is solely for the benefit of child as it has tax implications. He could be done for tax evasion if found out, otherwise we would all be doing it!

Ponderingwindow · 03/02/2024 18:31

I see a huge issue. I would want to take his name off the account.

withdrawing 1000 from any non-solo account is something to be discussed with a partner. Withdrawing any money from an account that isn’t supposed to have withdrawals is absolutely something to be discussed with a partner.

financial trust is critical in a relationship.

I think you are getting this blasé reaction because many people think of a child savings account as extra and optional.

Iceywhite · 03/02/2024 18:42

But it’s money that they’ve both saved over time. I agree that communication should have been better, but he was probably embarrassed and just wanted to sort it quickly. If my dh did this then I wouldn’t have an issue if it was repaid

Iceywhite · 03/02/2024 18:54

orangegato · 03/02/2024 10:30

Plenty of shitbags on here don’t pay it back.

He should really have some money aside though as it’s bleak scrounging off your child behind everyone’s back.

Hardly scrounging if it’s money he’s saved. People are struggling at the moment with COL so I imagine a lot of other parents have resorted to similar actions. I’ve borrowed off my kids many times

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 03/02/2024 19:00

He paid it back?

Did you ask at the time how he was managing to afford to have 2 weeks on sick leave - did you offer to help out financially? Probably not

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