Wedding loan help

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Hi!

Not a mum but I do love mums net just for the occasion gold it produces, anyways, you all also seem like a sound group of adult strangers to ask just how the hell anyone affords a wedding??

me and my partner have been together for 3 years and we both know we want to get enagaged so it’ll have soon but no rush etc but I just cannot fathom how people can afford weddings? All of our friends who have recently got married have said it cost around £20K but a loan of that size adds £300+ to our monthly bills for 5 years which realistically we cannot afford so how on earth does anyone get marrried these days or how did anyone else do it because even with both our parents help which they’ve both said they will give us something it’s not going to be thousands and I’m just not sure how everyone has these beautifull weddings without ending up in debt.

I loved my wedding but spent absolutely nowhere near 20K!!!
I spent around 2.5k and had the bestest day ever.

My DD got married last year. She and her fiancée saved any “extra” money that came their way (bonuses, tax refunds, pay rises) for a couple of years. And socked away whatever else they could manage.

We also gave them some money for their reception.

When all was said and done, they received a lot of money gifts which was enough to pay for all of it, so the money they saved was still in the bank. Unfortunately I know you can’t rely on that being the case. (And they didn’t! It was a nice surprise).

You don't need a big wedding.
You need to live within your means. No way would I get into debt for what is essentially a party as the actual legal part of a wedding is €500 Ireland).
Stop comparing yourselves to others.

We didn’t spend anywhere near £20k. I wouldn’t have taken out a loan for a wedding, we saved what we could for it and that was our budget.

I have a big wedding, because family paid. If they dodby, I would have had a snakeroot one. Don’t go into debt for a party.

The thing is - you don't need to have a big blow out wedding. You may want one, but that's a different matter. I certainly would never suggest taking out a loan for what is really jut a big party with a fancy dress you'll wear in ernest just the once. And yes - people do end up in debt from expensive weddings. Or they can't afford to buy their own place for ages. Just think of £20k going towards a deposit for a house.

Recently took a Civil partnership with my DP - the legal bit cost us £370, and we could have done it cheaper. My dress cost £60. No flowers, no photographer, no rings, no posh cars - we just got a taxi there and back. We took immediate family out to lunch, there were 14 of us all told so that wasn't cheap. We had a wonderful day, with people alongside us who love and care for us. Oh and no expensive, overseas hen or stag do's !

You want to get married - great, congratulations ! Keep it small, keep it simple. We decided in May, and chose a date in July to make sure DD could be there but there were mid week dates sooner.

Well OP the obvious answer is they simply have more money than you. Many families pay, people are higher earners or use inheritance.
There's no magic solution.
Look, I know MN hates weddings and people try to be competitively 'cheap' on here. But it's possible to have a beautiful wedding, just compromise. And be clever about it.

I got married last year . 20K achievable, but we saw little sense in throwing away that much on one day. I managed to get the wedding of my dreams with compromise (number of guests only 40, second hand items, etc). Beautiful historic venue, expensive photographer, hair + makeup.

It all turned out wonderfully.

Spent on the venue, photographer and food. The latter was afternoon tea which came with vintage china (no extra decor needed) they also made our wedding cake + wedding favours. The latter two can cost hundreds on their own but we just got it all included for a much, much smaller sum.

FWIW there's so much crap pushed by the wedding industry that you don't need. Bridal bouquets + buttonholes for example a 'nice', 'unique' set costs over £200. I just picked a common colour, scoured FB marketplace + Vinted and managed to find similar. Bridal jewellery as well an entire set off £5. In fact most of my wedding came off Vinted. So much very cheap because brides buy all this stuff and have it sitting around,

Nobody realised, on the day that they'd been bought second-hand from different people. After the wedding quite a few went straight back onto Vinted and I made some money back :)

I'm glad we choose to spend wisely. There will always be people with more than you. That's just life.

I've a friend who had a big wedding - a lot was due to family expectations, and they did made a small contribution. Took them about 4 years to pay off, it was crazy, they bought a house and had a child but were still paying off the big day. They got lots of lovely presents but you can't pay your mortgage with crystal wine glasses.

Don't get sucked into it - no one needs 150 people at a sit down dinner and a band to mark their wedding, and people get over not being invited.

A friend of mine had a registry office with immediate family only, they are as married as anyone else, and, most importantly, sorted for inheritance, pensions etc and are each others next of kin.

p.s. I got interrupted and now can't edit ours was about 8K (but that was because we got expensive rings. Otherwise it would have been about 6K).

Madness to get a loan for a wedding. Just have one that you can afford, surely? Registry office and buffet in a pub room for guests, or if that’s too much of a stretch Registry office and pub meal for direct family only.

Work out what you can afford and build a wedding around that. Totally agree that debt to fund a one day celebration is not sensible. You can do a wedding more cheaply that 20K for sure. And it can still be a lovely celebration.

Mine cost about half that but we also had the money.

Absolutely no way in hell would I have got a loan or got into debt for a wedding. Madness.

With a venue, IME, guests prefer practicality (eg parking/not in the middle of nowhere/lots of seating/comfortable temperature/accommodation nearby) to somewhere that looks ‘pretty and expensive’.

Food will be your most expensive cost so consider what you would do for that.

I got my wedding dress from WED2B for £600ish.

I had fake flowers. Only 2 bridesmaids and cheap dresses.

I also got a discount on photographer and venue hire because of having my wedding in November also because we only planned it with 6 months notice so considered ‘last minute’ in the wedding world.

Have a great honeymoon instead!

You are well aware people have small weddings to grand total affairs and everything inbetween

A loan for a wedding to me means you are doing ot to keep up with the Joneses and not because you really want this wedding, so is the wedding or the marriage more important?

Anyone who acquires debt to hold a wedding is not ready to get married.

you save up some money and have a wedding that you can afford.

Don’t take out a loan to get married, especially when it will make your married life more difficult.
Maybe delay the wedding until you’ve saved some money or consider the suggestions the others above me have made. But under no circumstances should you take out a loan for a wedding.

The best thing you can do for your marriage is not to burden it with debt which will take years to pay off (and potentially impact life changing future plans like children and housing) for just a one day party. It's crazy.

Start with the guest list - who do you want there? The essential people, and the 'would love to invite if possible'. That gives you a rough idea of numbers.

Then think about when you want to get married, and what you can save between now and then. That sets your budget.

Play around with timing and numbers and how they affect your budget. Then look at how to structure the day to cut costs.

If you want to strut around in a stately home like a Disney princess then that will cost $$$$$, but there are other ways to cut costs like second hand dresses, one meal rather than two, no/few flowers, more basic venue, getting married outside the main wedding season, trimming the stuff people won't notice (cars, bonbonierre, chair covers etc).

It can be done.

I have a wedding planning business and second what pps have said.
You can have a beautiful wow wedding without going into debt. Consider dates - obviously midweek and out of season are more cost effective. There are stunning venues that are registry offices and can also offer reception spaces.

The wedding industry is great at convincing you that the bells and whistles are required but the best weddings I've enjoyed working on and attending are those of which the couple stick to what they want and not get consumed by trends and fads.

If you do want a 100 person showstopping affair on a Saturday in the middle of July in a stately home then you'll need to start saving and maybe take on second jobs. I would advise against taking a loan out because, in essence, it's just a day and you could put that money to better things.

There are loads of forums and websites with ideas on getting hitched in a budget beautifully.

Congrats also.

Precisely.

We had such a wedding, nearly 50 years ago - and we are still together.

Focus on your marriage, your relationship, rather than the wedding!

We spent about 8k and had a lovely day. We put hundreds in savings from our salary every month. Paid it off as we booked things. We didn't owe anything by the time the wedding came. Definitely don't get in debt. We also got married on a Sunday out of season when it was cheaper. My dress was one of the display dresses in the shop so got a discount. There are many ways to save money. But if you want a huge Instagram wedding with all the personalised extras then yes it will cost 20k.
For wedding gifts we asked for money to pay for the honeymoon.
If I had my time again I would probably make it smaller to be honest! Small weddings are much more intimate and less stressful!

Ok thank god people didn’t actually spend that much, I’m not one for a big party and neither is he and I think I just panicked because not having priced anything up I assumed that was the normal price but it’s really nice to know that’s not the norm

We had a £20-25k wedding almost 5 years ago and honestly, we were both earning really well with low outgoings and both sets of parents (who were insistent we do the ‘big wedding’) gave around 4-5k each.

We never took a loan or got into debt and we wouldn’t have done. You cut your cloth. Ultimately it sounds like you can’t afford a ‘big wedding’ and should consider an event you can afford. Weddings are so diverse, some of the best we’ve been to have been small personalised registry office and nice restaurant afterwards affairs. We would have done that happily had our financial situation been different.

Serious financial issues are generally born from people wanting things they can’t afford because they say other people, who probably could afford it, doing it. So instead of accepting that’s not their situation they attempt to ‘make it happen’ by taking out loans, making terrible financial choices and massively over extending themselves.

Don’t fall into the trap, starting married life in a pile of debt would be horrible.

We saved for 2 years but just had a small wedding in terms of guests. I wasn't going to pay money for relatives who I never see or work colleagues who I only see in work to eat at my expense. We didn't have any extra people at night, just the same people from the day.

Our honeymoon cost more than the wedding. My dress was £300 custom designed by me and made by a seamstress. We spent money on food and photography.

My friend who grew up poor like me splashed £25k on a wedding 20 years ago, Michelin Star venue, his Mum said to me I am ashamed at the money he is wasting on one day. And it is a one day party.

Maybe get some friends from a different financial background...?
Or who don't waste £££ unnecessarily.
Even for if family pays unless they're loaded that much is a waste. Better put towards the mortgage.

We spent around £3k 9 years ago and that was everything including my nailpolish and pearls to make a headband. It can be done cheaply and still be a special day. My husband hates dancing and our music choices are not the most errr wedding friendly so we knew we didn't need a band and DJ.
My sister in law took out a loan to marry her husband 1 year after they got together. Settling the outstanding loan was part of their divorce settlement.

a Wedding between Xmas and new year means you can get a Saturday wedding

a reception is easier and cheaper to book, pick somewhere low key that has a function room or basement bar for disco afterwards

we got a free room for after the meal, on the condition we spent £2k - that included the wedding breakfast which made up most of that and peoples drinks - so free room

etsy for fake fur stole, headdress and flower bouquet- all sold afterwards so recouped money

wedding dress second hand and a snip of the price of a new dress - resold afterwards

suits were hired

no official cars

30 guests ti wedding and additional 40 after party just drinks, no buffet

invitat stated your presence is requested not present, so guests could just come and have a drink and not worry about spending either.

most guest had time off work as between Xmas and new year, so they didn’t lose money taking annual leave etc

brides dresses x3 one from vinted and two from Monsoon, shoes from there

total wedding came in at under £5k

great day and everyone said what a fun happy wedding