Asking husband to leave - what bills should he pay?

[rainbowcakes]

Im planning on asking my husband to leave in the next couple of weeks, with a view
to divorcing. He will most likely end up with his parents. Whilst he isnt living there but I am, what is reasonable to ask him
to contribute towards? We currently pay half of all bills (v similar salaries).

Was thinking perhaps asking him
to pay his half of the mortgage whilst i cover everything else, or should i request he pays for more/less?

Property is jointly owned with a mortgage, 4 year old DC together. Im hoping to buy him out of the property later down the line, I can just about afford to. Thank you!

There is not your half and his half of the mortgage. You are both liable for the entire amount, if one of you doesn't pay 'your half' then the mortgage lender don't care, it just means you haven't made a full payment.

It seems reasonable for you to ask him to continue whatever arrangement you have had in place to pay the mortgage to date.

As for other bills, that is going to be down to how your relationship is, I can see from his perspective that he shouldn't pay towards something he isn't getting the use of, however if its a contract such as sky subscription they he wanted then he should probably arrange for that to be moved to his new living location.

I'd have thought that 50% of the mortgage and building insurance would be fair, until the house is sold or you buy him out. Everyone who owns a property and has a mortgage on it needs to pay the mortgage, whether they live there or not, it's still their asset, so I don't know why so PP are suggesting he shouldn't pay the mortgage. You could live there on your own for decades paying all the bills yourself, and he'd always be entitled to half the equity, so there's zero reason why he shouldn't pay. Plus he should pay child maintenance, then work the rest out in the divorce settlement.

Back in 2014, March… I had a similar issue with ExH. Gave him an ultimatum, he agreed and said if after 6 months I felt the same, he would walk away.

Guess who is still living in that house, I will give you a clue, it isn’t me.

so there's zero reason why he shouldn't pay

There’s also zero reason why he should leave. He’s as entitled to stay in their house as she is.

Good luck with him agreeing to move out. I have been in this situation for 18 months and still no further forward. Refusing to move out. I have been to see a solicitor this week and he has confirmed I cannot force him to leave or change the locks. He has also been taking drugs behind my back.

If he isn't willing to pay half the mortgage then I think when the house is sold or bought out then your extra contributions should be taken into account. Anything else isn't fair. I agree though that he should pay half the mortgage and half the house insurance as well as child maintenance.

Well i confronted him about his drug use. Obviously he has now quit again now that hes been found out.

He initially agreed he would move out, but a week later he is now refusing, saying he is legally entitled to stay (correct). He also wants 50/50 custody of our child (again, his right), meaning I wouldnt be able to afford to buy him out as I wouldnt receive child maintenance. Apparently im all about the money. He doesnt accept that staying in her home is stability for her. He thinks stability is seeing both parents equally, even if that means selling up. She is so clingy to me as well, mainly because he was such an absent father for so long. She will not cope well with 50/50 and not seeing me for so long.

God I feel so trapped right now. I dont have the option of staying with my family as they live too far away, yet his live 5 minutes down the road. So the only alternative is for me to rent my own place, so ill be haemorrhaging money on bills whereas he could live rent free with his parents.

Dont really know what I want from this, just a vent really. He is still desperate for us to stay together and refuses to accept i want a divorce. Just constantly downplaying what hes done and refuses to see the consequences of his actions and telling me that im throwing it all away over this.

Did you end up talking to a lawyer, I don’t think he will get 50/50 if there is drug use being admitted to but that is best answered by a lawyer.

Wouldn’t it be sensible to sell the house and split the proceeds then you can both start again, either renting or buying? Stability would be for everyone then. If he isn’t taking drugs any more, 50/50 is probably a good place to start. Have you seen a solicitor?

@Shinyandnew1 thats what im coming round towards. The logistics of that feel so overwhelming, as does everything right now! Yes I am seeing a solicitor on Wednesday. Dreading having yet another conversation with him telling him I want a divorce. He said he will do anything to keep our family together but unfortunately ive heard it all before.

He wants 50/50 does he?

Well, if he's so keen, he can start now. Perhaps he can be solely responsible for all care, baths, clothes, laundry, food, pick ups and drop offs for DD Monday to Wednesday.

If he really wants it he will step up. If he doesn't....

you put in for child maintenance which will be based on his income, they'll be a calculator online somewhere to work out how much either of you were to pay as a NRP

but what will you do if he wants 50/50 with your dd? they'll be nothing to pay then?

why should he live the matrimonial home? why don't you go?

What is the level of his drug use? Would he be willing to prove to a court via drug tests that he is clean when asking for 50/50 custody? Do you have proof of his drug use?

@MikeRafone yes you’re right, if he wants 50/50 then no CM to pay and we will have to sell the house. I will leave if I have to. I would just have to move into a rental, whereas he could move in with family. Appreciate i have no more right to stay in the home than him. Just infuriating when this is all his own doing.

@Howmanymoreforms daily cannabis use for 3 months behind my back. He had stopped using again now that he knows i know. Says he will never touch it again etc. i have proof in terms of pictures of his supply plus messages to his dealer. I really dont want to go to court if i can help it, i really couldnt cope with it mentally. Would rather just give in to what he wants.

@SausageAndEggSandwich exactly. I dont think he realised what 50/50 entails. That it also includes school holidays and illness. And when inevitably when she refuses to sleep over at his because she wants me; he will have to deal with it. No calling me up and asking me to come to the rescue.