Bail out from parents

[Traclacor]

Hi, has anyone ever been bailed out by parents as an adult? My parents have offered us a loan to sort out a bit of mess we’re in. I’m grateful, but feel like a loser.

I’d feel like a loser if I’d run up debts on crap for no good reason, and if I failed to learn from the experience and genuinely use the kind loan to reset and be better.

If I’d had tough circumstances, I’d just feel loved.

You’ll feel less of a loser if you keep to your loan repayments - and better still if you over pay it. You may have already agreed the most you can pay, but if not and you are able to set aside a little extra each month, you won’t feel like like a loser when you say, “thanks for your support - here’s some extra savings to finish the repayments 3 months early”.

Good luck with it!

If they're happy to loan you the money and you know you can pay them back then I don't see a problem accepting it.

I had a loan from my parents when we set up in business but it was paid back in full and with interest. However I know they've bailed my sister out of her debts in the past with £20k.

As a parent I would happily help my adult children, even if it was through silly choices. But I'd only do it once.

My sister is all of the time. I was in my 20s. Now in 40s.

My friends Mum drops 5k into her account every now and then.

It is probably quite common. My other friend's Mum makes him pay back 50p. No right or wrong if all think roughly the same.

I’m forever helping my children out, my parents helped me

Yes, I was very thankful and paid them back.

I would never think less of my adult children if they needed help,I'd just be glad I could help.

Is it a loan or likely to turn out to be a gift that you're not expected to pay back?

If it is a loan, have they spoken to you about how long you have to pay it back and their expectations about how inflation etc. will be handled?

On the "loser" front, I agree with PPs.

• We don't know why you're in this position.
• Life happens.

I have friends who have themselves, or have family members who've been scammed for life-altering sums of money that have compromised their futures.

If there's something to learn, we learn it, and then keep moving forward with resolve to remember what we learned and incorporate that in our plans for the future.

You are only a loser if you don't pay it back. If you get stuck payin* it back then at least talk to your parents.

We are the ones that have lent money to my husbands brother. He has never paid us back and has since gone on holidays and had a loft conversion. I'd like to call him a loser but I guess he's a winner!! He's got our money and, as neither him or his wife have any morals, it feels like he's won 😭😭😭

We borrowed from FIL to buy a 2nd hand car
Paid half back. Have just had to top up loan as car needs an expensive repair

My adult children have never asked me for financial help but I've given them some when I felt they could do with a lift. I've never expected it to be paid back as it was always a gift. My dear old mum often slipped me a little roll of notes from her handbag if she sensed I needed a shopping spree and it's lovely if we're able to do it.

Oh my gosh and what do they say when you ask them for the money back? That would really piss me off!

My DPs lent us some money when we were setting up our own business ... when we went to pay it back a couple of years later they insisted we keep it as a gift. They also gave generous cash gifts to my siblings and I (they could afford it). I am the same now with my adult DC ... I am at a comfortable stage in my life and would rather help my own DC than buy more 'stuff' for myself. (Mortgage paid off and decent pension & savings).

But ... there are so many variables .... I know people who have got into debt themselves trying to sort out their DC's financial mistakes .... and if the money given/loaned was being spent off 'frivolous' stuff .. or worse, drugs etc I might not choose to give my money away.

My mother refused to lend me money when I was in my early 30s. Without going into details it was under £2k. And she knew that by refusing it we wouldn't be able to go ahead with our house purchase. It was totally her decision. But it did break my heart a little.

As a result I do help my mid 20s DD out financially, I am currently paying for her driving lessons, and can afford to do this easily. Other parents I know have bought their kids houses so it's all relative.

We had to ask DH parents for a loan to do some emergency repairs on our house. I knew they had already lent his sister money and FiL wrote down what he had given us and worked out the interest he was losing on it. In the end they decided to give the third sibling the same amount and write off our debt. We hated asking but were really broke. DS has never needed help but we are always helping DD out one way or another. But that’s another story.

This would be easier to answer if we knew

Why are you in debt?

is this likely to come with strings attached?