Responsibility of a high mortgage and private school fees

[Iwannabelessfat]

A few months ago I started a new role which I was headhunted for, and for which I received a significant salary increase.

we were planning on moving anyway and so taking into account higher mortgage costs was always on the cards. We have two DC who we are paying for nursery for and we are now considering paying for private education. Whilst my new job means I can pay for the private education, I am worried about the pressure of that and a big house. We can afford it and would still have enough money to enjoy life but I’m worried about the commitments if one of us loses our job etc. is this just a fact of life?

Thanks lots of good advice on here. All alot to think about. I do think there is a good argument for state and then using the money to top up for tuition etc. but the class sizes and pastoral care at the private primary were really fantastic.

@PegasusReturns i do think like you, I think well I don’t want to look back and think i wish i had sent them to that school, I would rather just deal with the here and now.

also who has 250k in savings 😂 I guess people do but that just seems insane when the reality is I suspect most people in the country have barely any savings at all.

We never regretted for paying for private (one DD) but my job was stable (although not hugely paid) and my husband could have easily found work in his industry if he lost the job. We stayed in the same house and didn’t move to a bigger one. It would have cost us to move to the catchment of the good performing girls secondary school so that was a factor in our calculations.

Before applying for a private school we first saved up 2 years worth of fees which we keep in a separate account specifically so that if disaster struck we could have a buffer for fees.

In your situation I would use a state school for at least 3 years and save up the money equivalent to school fees throughout that time, then transfer DC over to private for y3 and up.

Life throws a lot of unexpected curveballs at you, and the likelihood of plain sailing with no complex situations arising over 14+ years is quite low really.

Uni applications are subject to spot checks. Most get away with deceit, but if your child’s application is the one pulled out, that’s their future screwed.

Around school applications, the level of deceit and morally incorrect behaviours of adults who outwardly present themselves as decent, upstanding citizens is unfathomable. There are multiple threads on her to back up my own observations.

• People faking addresses and then when their child starts at a school being “horrified” that there are children from social housing, with additional needs, etc., because their elitism, ableism, racism, whatever trump their abilities and blinds them to seeing what they don’t want to see. Which child would you want your child to have as a friend? Lives in social housing with hard working, honest parents ⚖️lives far from school in mortgaged house with cheating, lying parents.
• Attending church temporarily for priority access then complaining on MN that DC has to attend occasional church services/RE. Then excluding their own child from said activities, isolating them from peers and taking the staff who have to cover them from the majority.
• Espousing the injustice that child is separated from primary school friends at secondary because suddenly they can’t beat the catchment.

The same happens at private schools. “Why isn’t my child in the G&T/scholarship stream?” “Err, because they’re not of the levels expected because money can’t buy everything and you do nothing with them that can’t be outsourced.”

Forget the school a child goes to, I often think a child’s parent is the greatest barrier to a child’s happiness and success. As many children from “good schools” go off the rails. Drugs are increasingly a worse problem at private schools and state schools in more affluent areas.

id start with, “where will my child be happier?” Take your own “happiness/ego” out of the equation. I think too many choose private for the social status they think it will be bring. Private school parents judge too!

I worried about that too. I'm a single mum and so no second salary coming in.

DS went to state primary while I saved up a schools fees fund and then swapped across at 11. I was made redundant when he was in year 8 (thanks to covid) but the fund carried us through the six months it took to get another role.

£250k savings seem high but we won’t do it unless we have at least 4 years worth of fees saved so we’d never be paying for two lots of fees at once. That is an option for secondary but if you want to do primary you’re a bit more in the here and now (but with cheaper fees). If childcare doesn’t feel like a stretch and you can comfortably cover then I’d be tempted to look at private as per your plan.

Thanks for all the comments. Have submitted the state school application today but worried we won’t get our first two choices (very oversubscribed) and our third choice which is our nearest wouldn’t be happy with. In which case we will go with private prep I think.