Finance help

[teenagersandatoddler]

I am completely crap with money. My partner is obsessed with it and it really impacts our relationship. He has savings - about £70k. I have none. I also support my 2DSs from my first marriage (16&13). I know I need to budget and start to save but it's a whole mindset change that I need to stick with. I don't know how and our mortgage is about to go up £1000 a month. It's really getting me down and stressed.
What can I do to change learnt behaviour x

Do you both earn the same? Or do you earn less/work part time because you have a toddler (going by your username)? How are your finances split/sorted between you and your DP?

We both work full time - I earn about £15k less. Things are split 50/50 but I pay more towards food as I have my 2 x DSs so pay an extra £400 a month

I think that's really unfair about the £400. How on earth is your mortgage going up by £1000 per month?

Do you want to make a list here of all the things you spend your money on?

Just checking, you pay 50-50 even though you earn a lot less and you also pay an extra £400? Can you tell us how much he takes home and how much you take home and how much that 5050 works out at?

If he is your life partner then why aren't all your earnings pooled? He's accepted you come with children so why doesn't he pay towards them?

With regards to money going forward I would suggest having a bills account that isn't used for any other spending.

He's accepted you come with children so why doesn't he pay towards them?

I'm not sure this is mandatory. It'd be nice for sure, but the DC have two parents, it's not on the OP's partner to pay equally for them. DP is already covering 50/50 costs on everything except food which seems fair enough.

(also not sure why DP is the problem here. OP admits she's crap with money and can't budget. that's what she needs help with, not with getting more £ from DP to be crap with)

Your arrangement does sound unfair- he should be paying more if he earns more.

There are lots of good suggestions on the MSE website about how to get better with money- https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/#piggybanking

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/#spreadsheet

1k a month? How big is your mortgage?!

@determinedtomakethiswork - will pull together a list of outgoings later today. He's on £15k more on his base and earns an extra £100-1300 in on call allowance.

@determinedtomakethiswork - apparently I need to pay more for bills/ food for my boys. Just checked and I put £3000 a month into joint account and he puts in £2500.

@Pinkdelight3 - agree, whilst the split i don't think is fair always, I need to learn to be more financially aware

The reason he has savings and you don't is because he's sponging off you.

So is it that you are poor with money, or is it that he has far more opportunity to save due to earning more and putting less in to joint bills?

I'd imagine a lot of your discrectionary spends are spending on your kids.

I would say a first step is to write out what you spent in the last month (or maybe Nov as xmas will distort it somewhat) - when you can see where your money is going you can think about if and how you are able to make savings.

Lots of people's mortgage payments are doubling or worse with the interest rate rises so many, many people have seen rises of more than £1000pm!

It's hilarious how posters on Mumsnet change their answers about 'fairness' with finances depending on whether it's a woman or man who is needing to be subsidized.

I don't think there is enough info to know whether the situation is unfair or not. The OP hasn't said how long she has been in this relationship and she hasn't said if she recieves CM from her boys father. Also she hasn't said what the situation is with the house. Did they both put equal money in etc. did they have to buy a bigger house because her boys live with them.

The partner may feel he is already heavily subsidizing the OPs kids.

OP, with regards to over spending I think knowledge is power. You need to start closely looking at what you are spending your money on. Your banking app might already be useful for this but if not There are plenty of apps and websites that can help you do this. Log _everything you spend for a few weeks and then have a think about what expenses are essential and what are too wasteful. Seeing it in black and white might encourage you to think again before spending. Teenage boys can be very expensive. I was always amazed at how much they ate.

If you are already putting £3000 away each month it's not like you are on a low salary.

If Op was posting that she expects her dp (who earns less) to put in more to the joint pot as he has 2 children, barely anyone would have an issues. Especially since they weren’t married.

But 5.5k the joint pot a month? How much are your bills? How much do you earn?

A list of joint outgoings and then a separate list of your own outgoings would be helpful.

This^

how many total children do you have? how many children is he the father of?

So, you contribute £6,000 more per year to joint finances.

You earn £15,000 less than his base salary.

So you’re £21,000 down per year compared with him.

Then he can get on-call overtime on top. If up to another £15,000… (£1,300 x 12).

You’re not shit with money.

He needs to pay more of the mortgage increase. You can’t afford to.

If you’re unmarried, perhaps you should reflect on whether you are better or worse off than if you were a single parent.

Do this. You need to make it clear in your own mind and then to be able to discuss it with him.

Our mortgage is due for renewal next year and I am shitting myself as we are currently on less than 2% interest rate. How much is your interest rate going up by if your mortgage is increasing £12k a year?