Wanting to work and combine with care- negative responses/benefits

Catsknowbest · 2023-12-31T10:49:18+00:00

So I've applied for a job back in the same charitable sector I was in 5 years ago which I loved and know I can do. Due to moving, covid etc I took temp jobs during the pandemic. Unfortunately an illness struck my partner 2yrs ago and he is now disabled. I've been caring for him since then. I have worked hard to set our life up so that he has all the adaptations etc needed, and the job I've applied for is enough hours to get us off universal credit, and regular hours still enabling me to do all morning, evening, weekend personal care; shopping, housework etc. He will still receive PIP and I have arranged a middle of day care check so it's all set up. He wants what I want and is very happy for me. He is 13 years older and will not work again. The thing is I have had several people friends/family question and even criticise our decision. Because carer status means I do not have to work and my salary will be not much more than UC they think I should just stay home. But I believe care and working can be done and I have a lot if working life left to give. I also want to get us off UC. Genuine opinions please if you are or were in this situation, or WWYD if you were.

KnackeredBack · 31/12/2023 10:51

Ignore the naysayers - well done to you!

Scarletttulips · 31/12/2023 10:55

You need to set up your life for you. You can do both and you should. You not go to work just for the money. You need friendships to get out of yourself!!

Popetthetreehugger · 31/12/2023 10:56

I think I’d give it a go . Be very honest with yourself if it improves your life or makes it more tricky . For me , I’d value the time out of the house , as I’d be better when in it , if that makes sense ?there’s more to life than money , so as long as can balance the books , and give you head space … for both of you , then give it a shot . Good luck with whatever you decide x

Original poster

Catsknowbest · 31/12/2023 11:06

Thanks everyone. It is important for me to get back out in the world and I know I can balance this. I was just so taken aback by some of the responses I got in the RW

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Chestnutsroastgreen · 01/01/2024 20:04

Hope it goes well. If you are working you hopefully will have a pension with your employer also,

Winter2020 · 01/01/2024 20:47

Hi OP,
Definitely give it a go. My young son has autism and is largely non-verbal and sometimes my work nights can be a breath of fresh air and really pick me up if I am a bit low. I am doing an online evening course at the moment too and I'm enjoying it so much. I think despite the hours the course takes up I am getting more done at home due to the lift and motivation it gives me.

If you want to work and you are able to go for it!

Kaffiene · 01/01/2024 21:02

I work and care. At times it is tough but I love my job. In your situation I would worry about burning out. Can you get carers in to get your husband up, dressed etc for example? It might make your situation more sustainable long term. As well as work and caring you need to try and build in some time to be you or you will burn out.

In my situation I work 25 hours a week and pay a sizeable chunk into my pension each month - this is off set by my UC payment. If you are potentially earning just enough to come off UC have a look at the figures to see if it makes sense to pay more into your pension and stay on UC, at least while you make up for the last 5 years I assume you haven’t been paying in.

Original poster

Catsknowbest · 01/01/2024 23:06

Chestnutsroastgreen · 01/01/2024 20:04

Hope it goes well. If you are working you hopefully will have a pension with your employer also,

Yes it's actually an organisation I worked with some years ago and still have dormant pension pot which believe they can restart. Thank you 😊

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Original poster

Catsknowbest · 01/01/2024 23:07

Winter2020 · 01/01/2024 20:47

Hi OP,
Definitely give it a go. My young son has autism and is largely non-verbal and sometimes my work nights can be a breath of fresh air and really pick me up if I am a bit low. I am doing an online evening course at the moment too and I'm enjoying it so much. I think despite the hours the course takes up I am getting more done at home due to the lift and motivation it gives me.

If you want to work and you are able to go for it!

That's fantastic Winter2020- you've given me even more inspiration there 😊

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Original poster

Catsknowbest · 01/01/2024 23:10

Kaffiene · 01/01/2024 21:02

I work and care. At times it is tough but I love my job. In your situation I would worry about burning out. Can you get carers in to get your husband up, dressed etc for example? It might make your situation more sustainable long term. As well as work and caring you need to try and build in some time to be you or you will burn out.

In my situation I work 25 hours a week and pay a sizeable chunk into my pension each month - this is off set by my UC payment. If you are potentially earning just enough to come off UC have a look at the figures to see if it makes sense to pay more into your pension and stay on UC, at least while you make up for the last 5 years I assume you haven’t been paying in.

Thanks Kaffeine 😊 partner has a small military pension so as they take that £1 for £1 off UC that with my wages would prob be us off UC. I will be paying a decent amount into pension especially as had a couple of gaps in past. I do have extra care options if I need to use and you are 100% right about avoiding burn out and personal time

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jainent · 02/01/2024 15:53

I think you just need to do what's right for you. If you get a lot out of being at work then there's no problem with that. My DS was awarded DLA when he was 8 and I had already given up work to care for him. I really valued the fact that I had no work seeking requirements as it wasn't possible to find suitable childcare, but personally I don't think I would have got much out of being at work. I needed the time when my DS was at school to get things done and do things things for myself, and personally I didn't enjoy my old job anyway.

Being a carer even when my DS was in school meant I was caring for over 100 hours a week so I didn't feel guilty about spending free time doing things like going to the gym and hobby drama classes and just socialising. My DS isn't in school any more and I still claim carers allowance for him and probably always will do. Just make sure that you don't end up in a situation where all you do is do caring and working - you need time to do fun things for yourself too.

Original poster

Catsknowbest · 02/01/2024 16:03

jainent · 02/01/2024 15:53

I think you just need to do what's right for you. If you get a lot out of being at work then there's no problem with that. My DS was awarded DLA when he was 8 and I had already given up work to care for him. I really valued the fact that I had no work seeking requirements as it wasn't possible to find suitable childcare, but personally I don't think I would have got much out of being at work. I needed the time when my DS was at school to get things done and do things things for myself, and personally I didn't enjoy my old job anyway.

Being a carer even when my DS was in school meant I was caring for over 100 hours a week so I didn't feel guilty about spending free time doing things like going to the gym and hobby drama classes and just socialising. My DS isn't in school any more and I still claim carers allowance for him and probably always will do. Just make sure that you don't end up in a situation where all you do is do caring and working - you need time to do fun things for yourself too.

Thanks jainent 😊 much appreciated

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FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 02/01/2024 16:15

Practice the words 'thanks for your opinion, I'll take that into consideration.' Whenever anyone gives you their unwanted opinion just recite that line and move onto the next topic. They are not living your life, they do not get to decide how you should live it.

Original poster

Catsknowbest · 02/01/2024 16:48

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 02/01/2024 16:15

Practice the words 'thanks for your opinion, I'll take that into consideration.' Whenever anyone gives you their unwanted opinion just recite that line and move onto the next topic. They are not living your life, they do not get to decide how you should live it.

Yes kind of given up trying to explain to people why it's important to me. One (not family) even said think yourself lucky you get to stay at home?! We don't see DP disability and our circs as lucky but we do see that we can make changes and still manage a good balance.. Thank you 😊

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