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Original poster

Inheritance question...

105 replies

pinkfonie · 06/12/2023 09:09

My DH is stressing over this and I need a bit of perspective if anyone can help..

DH's grandparents have 2 sons, 1 is FIL and the other is my DH's uncle.

FIL is unwell and very sadly it looks like he will be outlived by his parents, or at least one of them.

The GPs estate is set to be split 50/50 between the 2 sons.

If FIL passes before this, will DH (and his sister) receive the 50% or will the full 100% go to their DUncle?

He doesn't want to bring it up in case it looks like he's desperate for the money but there will be a house and large amount of money involved so he's nervous of it being split unfairly.

Also, if he and his Dsis do receive the 50%, will their cousins have a right to complain because they've received nothing as it all went to their DF? Or is this just normal inheritance type issues!?

Thanks.

OP posts:
NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 11:33

FiveShelties · 07/12/2023 09:29

@NotEvenThought it would not occur to me to question a relative about their will.

Are your parents alive? Are you close to them?

I'm my family it's not a taboo subject at all. Everyone is going to die eventually and knowing what people want to do with their estate is important.

I think it's far weirder not discussing things like that than discussing it.

I'm ok financially but two of my siblings are not (bad decisions/divorces etc). They know they will eventually get a share of my parents estate and that means they know that the chances are they will at least have some security later in life. It does not mean they are waiting or hoping for my parents to die. It just means that they should have enough to buy a flat at some point in the future.

It would be weird for my parents to keep this information from them.

Original poster
pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 11:40

Call me grabby, I couldn't care less! I'm sure you've never experienced feelings like this, because you must be a robot? There, I've worked it out :-)

Thanks everyone for confirming, our thinking is that the 50% will go down to DH and his sister or else this side of the family would be totally put out, especially given there was grand children and great grandchildren involved.
We don't plan on asking, but will try and find out eventually..

OP posts:
Ariela · 07/12/2023 11:52

It's incredibly tacky to ask if one will inherit. As the grandparents will says will be split 50/50 then it might well mean your DH gets half FIL share, but it depends on the exact terms stated in the will, and if a different provision has been made in case of death (if no provision then it will be split 50/50).
What you DH could do is ask MIL (assuming she is still around) if FIL has written a will as he is concerned for HER wellbeing if/when FIL dies, essentially out of concern, and see if that brings up any context about the grandparents inheritance, as she may mention it. If no MIL, DH could ask kindly at an appropriate point if FIL has done a will and where it is kept and who is the executor, and if there is anything he should know about like investments or debts that will need paying from the estate, and if FIL has a funeral plan, what he'd like for a funeral etc, that kind of thing FIL may bring up at some point, or there may be a point in conversation it is appropriate, that too might bring up the point about grandparents inheritance, but I'd not specifically bring it up myself if it were me.

Beyond that I would do nothing, its very rude to ask, and may be seen as rude by the grandparents given FIL isn't dead yet to ask them, and potentially could lead to a change in will if they think your DH is being entitled.
Aside from which they may have changed their minds and not be leaving money to FIL side of the family anyway, could all go to the dogs home.

ButterCupPie · 07/12/2023 11:59

Erby · 07/12/2023 09:53

And they wonder why the Donkey Sanctuary does so well.

My auntie died and my uncle met a nice lady after 5 years and wanted to marry her. My cousins (their 4 kids) were against it because he 'couldn't see' that she 'just wanted to get her hooks into him' and would get what they called 'their house' (!). Another reason they had to dislike her was that 'she was a Catholic'. Guess who got completely left out of the will? With general family approval (apart rom them).

MayThe4th · 07/12/2023 12:29

NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 11:33

Are your parents alive? Are you close to them?

I'm my family it's not a taboo subject at all. Everyone is going to die eventually and knowing what people want to do with their estate is important.

I think it's far weirder not discussing things like that than discussing it.

I'm ok financially but two of my siblings are not (bad decisions/divorces etc). They know they will eventually get a share of my parents estate and that means they know that the chances are they will at least have some security later in life. It does not mean they are waiting or hoping for my parents to die. It just means that they should have enough to buy a flat at some point in the future.

It would be weird for my parents to keep this information from them.

Show quote history

Except this isn’t a parent, it’s a grandparent.

One might expect a parent to leave their estate (assuming they have anything left to leave) to their children,but the grandparents owe them nothing.

And thinking that you will likely be in a position to afford a flat one day is just crass and sets the expectation that your parents should make provision for that rather than actually spending their money while they’re alive.

If I inherit from my parents I would be able to pay off my mortgage, but I would far rather that my parents spend their money on things which make them happy while they’re alive than think about the things I can do with the money which doesn’t yet exist in my bank account once they’re dead.
As for it being weird for the parents to not discuss their will, I would assume that if you have a decent relationship you would just assume that they would leave their estate to you, s if that’s a discussion you need to have and expect to have then perhaps the relationship isn’t as close as you think.

FarEast · 07/12/2023 12:42

It’s pretty standard that if your FIL were to pre-decease his parents, his share of his parents’ estate would go to his heirs ie your DH and his sister.

At least that’s the way it’s gone in my family for several hundred years. But we’ve tended to use trusts to protect the capital and properties.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 07/12/2023 12:44

Depends on the will. My granny is still alive and has two daughters, one of whom is my mum. The will says something like "50% each to my daughters [NAMES], or if they prerelease me their descendants/next of kin".

Caterina99 · 07/12/2023 12:55

It does depend on the will. So you can’t know 100% without asking.

But it is quite usual for a deceased beneficiary’s share to go to their children if they have any, rather than to their sibling.

I have seen it happening both ways though (work in this field) so I do stress that it really does depend on the will and the wishes of the person writing it. Most solicitors will explain these things, but it is ultimately down to what is written in the will as you can leave your estate to anyone you wish!

NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 13:02

@MayThe4th
And thinking that you will likely be in a position to afford a flat one day is just crass and sets the expectation that your parents should make provision for that rather than actually spending their money while they’re alive

If I inherit from my parents I would be able to pay off my mortgage, but I would far rather that my parents spend their money on things which make them happy while they’re alive than think about the things I can do with the money which doesn’t yet exist in my bank account once they’re dead
As for it being weird for the parents to not discuss their will, I would assume that if you have a decent relationship you would just assume that they would leave their estate to you, s if that’s a discussion you need to have and expect to have then perhaps the relationship isn’t as close as you think

I disagree. It's not crass at all for my brothers to think they might end up with enough from an inheritance to buy a flat. It's a fact. They obviously know it isn't a given and they obviously know there might be care home costs etc but chances are they will they also prefer my parents to stay alive and to use their money to enrich their lives. They can think that AND also hope that one day there will be something for them to buy a flat with.

They are both really skint so knowing it's a possibility (a probability tbf) is a big deal.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/12/2023 13:21

They can write what they want in a will….but whether you get to inherit even if your DH is a beneficiary is another thing.
Do you understand that care or care homes cost around £1200-1500 per WEEK these days?
the long awaited social care reform bill, that should have capped that at £80k contributions has been kicked into touch numerous times and I don’t hear anything about labour honouring it, despite cross party agreement .
There are 2 grandparent’ who I assume are quite elderly, and their health can go down fast once past 85 if fit and well now. I imagine loosing their son in the later year will have a catastrophic effect on their well-being , so I wouldn’t be sitting there worrying about if you or uncle gets it. I’d be focusing on making sure you have LPOA in place for everyone and supporting my husband through impending death of his DF.

Piece of advice OP, stop allowing yourself to get sucked into day- dreams where easy solutions to achieving your life goals are going to magically land at your feet. My experience is that life has a habit of throwing curved balls to thwart such day dreams , and luck has a habit of turning out not how expected. Base your dreams and hopes on what you CAN control, how you and dh can add to your own wealth through work, investments etc. Take control of what you can impact. You have no control on this whatsoever. Finding out one way or other won’t guarantee it giving social care funding. Let it go before you let it eat away at you .

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/12/2023 13:27

NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 13:02

@MayThe4th
And thinking that you will likely be in a position to afford a flat one day is just crass and sets the expectation that your parents should make provision for that rather than actually spending their money while they’re alive

If I inherit from my parents I would be able to pay off my mortgage, but I would far rather that my parents spend their money on things which make them happy while they’re alive than think about the things I can do with the money which doesn’t yet exist in my bank account once they’re dead
As for it being weird for the parents to not discuss their will, I would assume that if you have a decent relationship you would just assume that they would leave their estate to you, s if that’s a discussion you need to have and expect to have then perhaps the relationship isn’t as close as you think

I disagree. It's not crass at all for my brothers to think they might end up with enough from an inheritance to buy a flat. It's a fact. They obviously know it isn't a given and they obviously know there might be care home costs etc but chances are they will they also prefer my parents to stay alive and to use their money to enrich their lives. They can think that AND also hope that one day there will be something for them to buy a flat with.

They are both really skint so knowing it's a possibility (a probability tbf) is a big deal.

Genuine question
”so knowing it's a possibility (a probability tbf) is a big deal.”
why?
They can’t do anything at all with this information until and unless probate determines if there is an estate to benefit from. So they can’t do anything until that time and only IF there’s money left - and that’s certainly not a given, at least not all of what they may possess now.

it may be a big deal in terms of supporting their “day dreams” , but that’s just it. They would be so much better accepting that they are responsible for their own wealth and situation and taking control of what they can now. It doesn’t do anyone any good to get stuck in a rut of a magic wand of inheritence coming along to fix their financial situation. It really, really doesn’t. Shit though the alternative might be.

burnoutbabe · 07/12/2023 13:43

Viviennemary · 06/12/2023 09:28

As others have said it will depend on the will. Usually if a beneficiary of the will predeceases the person who has made the will their share is passed down to their children.

Only if it's a direct descendant of the will writer

Not if leaving things to your mate. If he does before you, that gift fails and goes back into the pot (unless Will says differently)

Friendfoe1 · 07/12/2023 14:01

pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 09:02

Thanks everyone for the replies, those who think me/DH are grabby clearly have no grasp of the idea that if 100% went to his DUncle then that would be totally unfair, I'm guessing you've never been in that situation but hopefully this thread has taught you something?

How would it be unfair?

Original poster
pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 14:02

We're not really day dreaming and hoping to be made wealthy through none of our own work and secretly sniggering and wishing people would die as a result of that!
We're just genuinely curious! As would anyone else in this situation.
Ask yourself if you would be curious, and if you say no - you're lying, don't be ashamed about being a human. It doesn't mean you want people to die, it's wanting to know what's potentially heading your way.

OP posts:
steppemum · 07/12/2023 14:06

pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 14:02

We're not really day dreaming and hoping to be made wealthy through none of our own work and secretly sniggering and wishing people would die as a result of that!
We're just genuinely curious! As would anyone else in this situation.
Ask yourself if you would be curious, and if you say no - you're lying, don't be ashamed about being a human. It doesn't mean you want people to die, it's wanting to know what's potentially heading your way.

hmm, no not lying.
I might inherit loads of money from my parents.
But if they have care home fees etc, we might get nothing.

I would so much rather that they spent it, and I am not planning on getting anything.
You don't sound any less grabby despite all your protestations.

In the cases that I know, the potion that should have been inherited by the dead child went to their kids, so in your case the uncle got 50%, and the other 50% was split between kids.

But I don't know what the will said.

NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 14:06

@Appleofmyeye2023
They would be so much better accepting that they are responsible for their own wealth and situation and taking control of what they can now. It doesn’t do anyone any good to get stuck in a rut of a magic wand of inheritence coming along to fix their financial situation. It really, really doesn’t. Shit though the alternative might be.

They are responsible for their own situation and despite some very poor decisions in the past (no excuses) they have both, for separate reasons, really impressed me with their determination to improve their lot. One brother retrained as an engineer at 58, that takes a hell of a lot of drive especially for someone with zero qualifications. I'm very proud of him.

Knowing that there should be an inheritance at some point doesn't alter their own responsibility to look after themselves but it does give them some hope that they will be able to buy somewhere at some point.
They are not 'entitled' or 'grabby' and they aren't secretly hoping my parents die soon.

Original poster
pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 14:07

@steppemum - ahhh so you're thinking about your inheritance one day too.... that's not good is it?

OP posts:
kaboomy · 07/12/2023 14:11

Brumbies · 06/12/2023 09:29

Your DH needs clarification or do you?

These inheritance threads annoy me, no one has a right to receive anything in a Will. It could all be given to a charity, spent on care home fees, squandered on lavish holidays.

If I thought my kids, their partners were querying my Will I'd cut them out.

Oh aren't you peculiar then

BloodyAdultDC · 07/12/2023 14:13

If there is no will, intestacy laws apply.

In England this means that the estate is shared equally between the living children, and if these are already deceased then THEIR children inherit.

In OP's case, if there is no will then fil will get 50% and the cousins will share 50%

Ponderingwindow · 07/12/2023 14:13

It depends on the will.

but every time I have seen this scenario play out irl which admittedly is only a few times, the portion went to the children of the deceased child. The cousins are sometimes a bit irked that they get nothing, but their inheritance comes when their parent dies.

WowOK · 07/12/2023 14:15

@pinkfonie You can think about it, but like everything else in life, there is no guarantees. I don't believe you are wishing anyone dead. I do think you are counting your chickens before they have hatched. There might be some money. There might be no money. It might get left to the cat home or used on care.

ZenNudist · 07/12/2023 14:17

There is no way I'd raise this. Just expect nothing and it will be a bonus if you get anything. I can't believe you are trying to count his grandparents money. It's not your money and if FIL dies then HIS parents both die, and it goes to their surviving son that's life! There could be a lot happen before anyone inherits.

steppemum · 07/12/2023 14:17

pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 14:07

@steppemum - ahhh so you're thinking about your inheritance one day too.... that's not good is it?

?????

what are you on?

Original poster
pinkfonie · 07/12/2023 14:20

@WowOK - never have I once said we need the money, nor that we want it. Tbh the actual money is not what i am concerned about, despite some posters accusations.
What I am very concerned about is fairness, and it seems unfair to think one side would get all of it and the side other nothing. However from my understanding DH and his sister will either get 50% or they'll share the remaining 50% with all the cousins (so 5 ways).
Funny how people automatically assume it's about the actual money and me wanting to spend it, it must be hard being cynical!

And for the record, yeah it would be nice to have some extra cash!

OP posts:
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