Buyers remorse and house move

[user1480677551]

Hi everyone - I'm after some advice, or any kind of reassurance to help the way I'm currently feeling after a house move and what options might look like and what others experiences may have been ...

We moved 3 months ago to what we had thought would be the "ideal" house ... we were ready for a move with our children as we'd outgrown our old house we had been in for 10 years, in an area we had lived in for over 40.

I knew in the run up I was having doubts, and the new area wasn't right - but I pushed the doubts away and dismissed them as nerves.

The beauty of hindsight ...

I knew as soon as we drove away it was a massive mistake .... yes we wanted more space but we should have stayed closer to home. I couldn't even bring myself to collect the keys from the estate agent and burst into tears as soon as we stepped into the house ... and haven't stopped since.

When looking for a new house, we got completely wrapped up in how much we could get for our money compared to where we currently were and we very stupidly didn't spend enough time looking into the area - classic house vs location - and now we're experiencing the reality of our new life - I honestly feel totally broken, deperessed and anxious, and so upset each and every day having done a 180 turnaround on everything to do with the house, and the location (which is only 10 miles up the road) ... so much felt more "manageable" and more "do-able" as we were moving not far away - but in reality it's too far, because we're still close enough to be effectively living our old lives - just in another house. Everything now involves a drive up the motorway to get to anything, because where we are has nothing apart from a school, a community centre and a co-op. I honestly thought that once we moved, and looked round the area we would explore and find new fun things to do - and there's just nothing.

I know people will say to give it time and look for all the reasons you moved in the first place, but I know deep down this place isn't right and I just wish so so desperately we hadn't wasted all this time and emotion into what has been the biggest, embarrassing mistake there has been.

We can't do anything with our mortgage for at least 6 months now. And when we moved we maxed out our borrowing ... and our savings.

Has anyone else ever been in this position - and after 6 months managed to extend their borrowing from their lender to cover the costs of moving again?

Sorry for the long post and the ramblings - I feel so alone, so sad and can't cope with the blame, the guilt for doing this to our kids and moving them away from all they knew ... and I can't see how we ever now get back to being happy or being able to move again. I wanted to hear from anyone else who may have done the same, and managed to get through it in some way ......

I'm 8 months into similar

For health and financial reasons, I think it's probably 5 years here

Lovely area, awful flat, tiny. A stupid choice driven by one good reason and one bad one.

I had a final weep on Saturday and now listen to the Bleachers "Stop Making This Hurt" a lot.

You might be able to move earlier? But FWIW I am totally sympathetic and offer hugs if wanted.

I think you need to stop beating yourself up, you have made a mistake, you are human unfortunately it happens, what you need to do is put your hands up, own it, and make plans to rectify it. You may not be able to fix the problem immediately but if you start planning your next move it will help you cope mentally.

Frankly?

You are being silly.

You must've picked the house for a reason? Focus on the positives and make it your home rather than wallowing in negativity.

What does your DH say about you crying all the time about the house?

Been there done that!

I just made the best of it while plotting my next move. For example we entertained a lot, while we had the perfect place for it. Did a lot of work in the garden. We were there 4 years.

You do get accustomed to your way of life. I've been out of that house and back into a modest one in a lovely area for 10-11 years. Much happier here but I do miss that beautiful big house.

@Makemydaypunk thank you for your kind words. I think every minute of the day about moving again, it's all consuming. I take ownership and have to hold my hand up to it ... I just don't ever know how on earth we'll be able to afford to recoup all the costs of moving again, stamp duty ... everything ... and when we're maxed out on borrowing .. how on earth we could realistically afford to borrow even more once 6 months is up, does that even happen with lenders!? The thought of staying here and the scale of the mistake, and so much money, makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach every day! Dramatic, I know as it sounds, but all true. But you're right, all that can be done is plan .. just so hard when you're in the eye of the storm to see a way out. Thank you.

@EmmaEmerald I'm sorry you're experiencing similar, I really am ... I hope things pick up for you soon.

Eventually, hopefully, you recoup your costs through capital growth. So your increased equity allows you to move again.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad OP. If it helps, I felt the same 20 years ago when we moved to my current house, but I had no way of turning back so I just had to make the best of it. I love it now!

@user1480677551 how are you feeling OP?

@Curiouscatt No different … infact it just seems to feel worse each day. It’s a sad situation and a chapter i wish we’d never started. I know it’s crazy but after 6 months has passed I want to get it back on the market, and hope we can somehow cover costs in what we sell for …

Thanks for checking in - it was useful to read about your experience.

I understand completely. When I was moving my mum got sick and was in hospital and we thoughts she was going to die (she didn't). It threw my house moving plans into disarray as instead of looking at houses I was at the hospital sitting with her.
I ended up buying a house I had doubts about and regretted it the minute I moved in. It has without a doubt affected my mental health but due to other problems in life I am still here best part of 5 years later.
I will move eventually but feel so knackered that I can't summon the energy to face moving again. Not to mention the fact that the house is in worst state that when I bought it despite me spending some money on it so I feel my buying power has decreased.
I spent ages looking on rightmove trying to figure out where I can live that meets my requirements but then I can't figure out how best to proceed. If I put my house on market and get an offer there is nothing I want to buy. If I wait for the house I want, some else snaps it up before I can get my house on the market. Last time I went into rented which was really problematic as I have a dog and I understand the rental market is far, far more competitive now so I don't really fancy doing that again.

I think I have concluded that when the time is right I will get an offer on mine and then start looking but if I can't find anywhere let the buyer down and stay until I find somewhere. Determined not to make same mistake twice ie move but not have the right house to go to. It's not in my nature to let my buyer down but it does come down to 'me or them' so I need to 'toughen up' and be more selfish.

The whole house buying and selling thing is a nightmare. It was definately easier 20-30 years ago. There was more choice, less rush and the whole process felt alot more civilised. In the meantime I try to think 'it's only a house not my whole life' but it affects me alot. Huge hugs

Every situation has positives and negatives. We aslo moved to a house in the wrong area. Knew it was a mistake immediately. Ended up staying there for 5 years before moving to the right area. Now when I look back on that time, it is with fond memories about the things we did and the people we knew, rather than regrets about the house.

I’m in the same boat as you. I think it’s good to acknowledge that you made a mistake and then put actions into rectifying it and making the best of it. What’s done is done. So get something good out of it even if it’s just the learning experience of it all so that when you can find a place, you get the right one next time.

Im stuck here now having to live with the consequences of my bad decision. My house actually causes me anxiety. It is on a main road and has poor insulation so the noise is unbearable when in my bedroom which has a slanted roof. It’s that low vibration that you can hear a mile away. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing works so now I know the amount of money and time I will need to put into this house to make it liveable will be astronomical. (And I thought I got a good deal 😒)

But emotions won’t get me out of this. I live on a busy road close to the city centre, close to a busy city and that could mean opportunity. The people that lived here before ran a business from here. Plus I am totally using my absolute hatred of loud noises to speak up for electric cars (which I own) I live in Netherlands by the way. My neighbours are lovely and the location is central. So honestly, this is not my dream home but it is my home and I am going to put effort in to be happy because I know my mood effects the entire household. Luckily for me my husband and my son love this place (how I don’t know but ok 🤷‍♀️) So I suffer alone in my low vibration anxiety hell and will make this place as good as I can so the next poor sucker doesn’t deal with this. Then, eventually I will sell this place I hate and move on and then probably be in tears at the next place because of all the memories I left behind 😀 But this is my story. Find a positive way to cope and make a plan. And if you can, rectify the wrong you made quickly but if your old house is already sold well then there is no going back. Only forward

Personally if it was me I'd try to start changing my mindset and emotions from it being the wrong family has to it being a short stay house like a holiday home and one not to get emotionally involved with.

Plan your next move. Find out from your mortgage provider how much you could borrow and any clauses. Then you get a timescale to work to.

Any jobs that need doing to make it more saleable? That you could do to make the next sale easier?

Get an estate agent round in the new year to get ideas of what work needs doing and get advise on when to go back on the market.

You've probably already declutter but is there anything you can further get rid of?

Have you decided where your next move will be? Look at he areas you like and do loads of research.

Hopefully pratical and positive things will help and the time will go quickly.

Hi OP

So sorry you're feeling like this. I did this and slaved away for 4 years trying to like a house I hated deep down. My only regret is that we didn't move earlier. It was such a relief to admit I had made a mistake. As soon as I admitted it to myself I started planning the next move back to where we loved. Once that decision had been made I was so much happier.

Good luck OP and hope you manage to find a suitable solution for you.

Could you possibly explore renting it out and renting something else for yourselves?

You may be facing a loss if you sell too quickly. Though you can always price high and hope, you only need one buyer to fall in love with it.

Did it get any easier? Find myself in the same boat.

@Alicorn0 and @user1480677551
find myself in the same position. How did it turn out? We are currently renovating in the hope of selling next year.

Never felt happy in the house. Will hopefully be completing on our next house, dream home came up, in the next month. Have dragged my feet doing renovations to the current place, will get some done and rent it out.