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What is reasonable here?

17 replies

cleo333 · 19/11/2023 04:29

Partner lives with me earns double my salary . Pays half bills and half food . I do the same but with my mortgage so have v little left as- a result ( I want to leave my house to my kids as there's no other family) and I've only got a few years to go) . I'm desperate to change to less stressed job but that will hit me more financially . Should my partner pay more as he's not paying any mortgage/rent ? My thinking is hes saving on rent /mortgage here . Am I mean?

OP posts:
Hearmenow23 · 19/11/2023 04:44

He definitely needs to pay rent to you! He would need to pay rent or mortgage wherever he lives. He needs to pay for the roof over his head.

Rainbowqueeen · 19/11/2023 05:04

Yes he should pay more. You lost the single Council tax rate when he moved in so your expenses went up. Did you lose any other benefits?

I think you should split bills so he pays 2/3 and you pay 1/3.

Winter2020 · 19/11/2023 05:16

Where will your partner live if your kids inherit your house? Perhaps your partner should be putting some of his salary into saving for a property (perhaps a buy to let) so he has somewhere to go if/when that happens.

Do you have a death in service payment with your job? Who have you nominated for that payment? Who has your partner nominated?

I completely understand you want your kids to inherit but I also think you need to consider how your partner will manage. Even with a good salary rentals can be hard to come by and your partner could be elderly or retired at that point.

I think beyond whether your partner should pay rent you could consider are you a team? Do you care about each other's future security and wants? Perhaps while leaving your house to your kids there could be some degree of intertwining finances - like your partner paying for a rental property in both your names which you do leave your share to him in your will but if he pre-deceases you he does the same.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 19/11/2023 06:09

Saving on rent is a positive, saving on mortgage isn't necessarily a positive as you're not accumulating an asset. He may feel very differently on this then you do. He may feel that you would be paying the full whack of bills yourself so you're benefiting from him paying half, I don't know how that offsets against losing the single discount on council tax or if your bills have changed much having him there. Alternatively he may feel that since you're not connected together financially with the house it's fair that he just pays 50% of everything else rather than essentially contributing to a mortgage where he doesn't even have a right to remain if you predecease him. Having him just pay half bills and half food keeps the separation clear with him not being on the mortgage or having a claim to the house. I wouldn't let a future partner have any claim on my house so I understand that, but I also feel it creates a degree of financial seperation which makes it less clear what is a fair contribution. Is it just you and him in the house or do your DC stay/live with you? That would effect what's fair.

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 19/11/2023 06:42

He needs to pay board which includes an amount for housing and half the bills.
The food split can be split accordingly.
Do you have a will specifically leaving your house to your children? Life insurance or policy covering the remainder of the outstanding mortgage?

cleo333 · 19/11/2023 22:50

I have a will leaving the house to my children ( their dad emptied their bank accounts when he left !) . I'm all they have .

I feel he should pay some sort of rent , he has savings but not a home ( 50k) but am dreading the conversation . Any advise ?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 20/11/2023 02:29

It]s a difficult one, I agree that him having no housing costs feels 'wrong' especially as he earns twice as much as you do, but at the same time, it's your house that he'll never have a stake in, especially while you're not married.

Maybe his bills contribution should be rounded up to the lower end of the going rate for a room in a shared house as that's effectively what he's getting? Obviously he should also pay all his own personal costs (clothes, commuting, transport, mobile etc) make sure these don't come out of your bills account for example.

Also have an honest think about how much of the food he eats. Most men I know eat significantly more than most women, despite many on MN arguing to the contrary and often want more expensive food, eg more meat and extra snacks/alcohol.

So if this is the case for you, perhaps he should buy more than half the food? Although it's not clear from your posts whether your DC still live with you? What would you do about the job change if he didn't live there, would you be entitled to benefits? You also need to consider how you'd manage if you got a lower paid job and then you separated and he moved out.

How is everything in the household shared, does he do his fair share of cooking, cleaning, laundry, DIY, gardening etc? He should be sharing this load too, not adding to the list of what you need to do.

cleo333 · 20/11/2023 07:08

My daughter lives here part time and son at uni ( costs a bomb which we half but has also hit my finances )

We have loosely talked about him living here if I die but then my kids have to wait for their money ? I he has no will do his kids inherit all he has if he dies where im left with no savings ?

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 20/11/2023 21:08

Looking at your last post it sounds like you want your kids to inherit your assets but don't want his kids to inherit his?

You say if his kids inherit you will be left with no savings but if your kids inherit he will be left with no home.

You need to look at this conundrum together to make sure if either of you died your respective kids can inherit - but both of you would have somewhere to live and both of you have some savings.

This would involve reviewing your property/ pensions/ death in service/ savings and life insurance.

For example for the time being you could take say 200k of life insurance and nominate your kids to receive this. Make a will that says the same. Then while the life insurance is valid (it will expire at a certain age) you could allow your partner right to reside in your house knowing that while your kids would have to wait for the house inheritance they would get the life insurance.

You would need to review the arrangements if the life insurance was running out.

Your partner could do the same. Take a similar level of life insurance and make sure both his kids and you are looked after if he dies.

Zanatdy · 21/11/2023 07:39

If he’s paying towards your son’s Uni then no I wouldn’t charge him rent too, depending how much he pays towards that

3luckystars · 21/11/2023 07:41

‘I’m broke, let’s talk about rent money from you to balance things up’

3luckystars · 21/11/2023 07:42

He should also make a will so maybe talk about that too.

TerfTalking · 21/11/2023 07:46

So how much is this generous man paying a month OP? £400, £500?

how much would he pay in a house share including bills and food?

You need to level them up! He’s using wear and tear on your home and contributing nothing towards it. He’s on a winner.

rather than splitting food and bills, I suggest you tell him he needs to pay x each month as a one-off, on standing order, for his upkeep.

GrazingSheep · 21/11/2023 07:59

My daughter lives here part time and son at uni ( costs a bomb which we half but has also hit my finances )

Do you mean your partner is paying half your son’s university costs ? How much is he paying?

WakingCliche · 21/11/2023 08:10

If you have a will stating he can live there after your death then yes it’s a waiting game for him to die for them to be able to liquidate the asset. My sister has remarried and well it’s a mess because her new DH is selling his house and gifting most of his money to his children but then living in her house and the will states he can stay in the event of her death therefore leaving her children with a waiting game.

In the event of any will being made you need proper legal advice. I am not recommending these solicitors because I have not used them but they have some useful info on their page. https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/#

Living with a partner who owns the house - What are your rights?

In this blog, experienced divorce and family lawyer Sian Winter discusses your rights when living with a partner who owns the house.

https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/#

OhamIreally · 21/11/2023 08:47

I agree with PP on looking at food consumption. My ex was quite a big guy and when he moved out the food bill went down by hundreds of pounds. If you're paying half each he's probably getting more than his fair share.

I think life insurance would probably be an answer with him as the beneficiary. Then if you die he can afford to move out. You could also take out life insurance on him with you as the beneficiary.

BodenCardiganNot · 21/11/2023 08:55

@TerfTalking · Today 07:46
So how much is this generous man paying a month OP? £400, £500?

Hopefully the OP will come back and clarify how much he paying for half of her son's university costs (which she says 'cost a bomb').

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