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Original poster

Please help me stop being sh*t at money

76 replies

organicbox · 12/10/2023 22:21

This year I will earn 130k or more, but I don’t have a grip on my finances.I often run out and dip into my savings (60kish but going down)

Is there anyone out there that’s good at managing day to day money who will advise and cheer me on?

First up, please go east with me. I am aware that I am very fortunate, and I know listening to fortunate people say they can’t manage their affairs can be really enraging. Sorry in advance. I think I am that person, but I am trying to learn.

Background. I am high functioning but I have dyslexia and dyscalculia (numbers don’t stick in my head, I make errors, and I don’t know my times tables, struggle with percentages, to read a clock face etc) BUT I am very good at some other things, and as such, have had some professional success.

I’m Self employed so I can avoid the things I’m bad at and just do the things I’m strong at.

When I was married (to a much older man) he managed our mortgage, bills etc, and I paid for all discretionary spend, but divorced a few years ago. And I have been trying to step up.

I live in the south.

I’m too impulsive and tend to throw money at things to solve problems or make social situations go well.

I lost all my work during covid, it was a very frightening couple of years and I have only just got my earning back to a good level. I get scared of losing work again.

I am single mum, but my children go to their dad nearly half time. He’s a good dad.

I have an 150k mortgage in a small flat worth about 580k

I own a rental property worth 260k. It has a 140k interest only mortgage. I rent to cover the mortgage payments. I would like to move it to a repayment mortgage in a couple of years.

My parents have passed, I don't have a backstop, I have earned all My own money since I was 17 - though have been very lucky with property.

I have never had a bad debt, and I currently have no debt but the mortgages.

I don’t have much spare time because of kids and work.

Where would you start?

OP posts:
sleepwouldbenice · 14/10/2023 00:14

Just wanted to say few things

Stop being embarrassed! I am an accountant and didn't know some of these things. We aren't all wired the same way

From reading everything I would second getting someone to manage this for you, set it up, monthly reviews to check you're understanding it etc

Finally, talking of different wiring and being cheeky, what's your career? Need to inspire my dyslexic daughter

Good luck!

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 07:50

@sleepwouldbenice

Thanks - and yes, we can't all be good at everything. I would, I think, have got a lot further if I had known I was dyslexic and dyscalculate earlier. Instead, I just got terrible GCSEs and close to failed my ALevels. I had quite a lot of shame because I would get weird things wrong, and had all these workarounds so no one could see. I got a accused of rushing and not focussing a lot,

I scraped in to a Uni in the days when you could talk your way in through clearing. (I had Ds and Es) At which point I got a really good degree and a masters. - I had found a subject that I was really good at and didn't have to do all the things I'm bad at. Also, I started using a computer with a spellcheck, so I made a lot less errors.

It's the reason I am self employed, I had to create a world where I could avoid being put on the spot and being asked to do what other people find straightforward.

The thing is, for people with any form of neurodiversity, you tend to have areas of excellence and areas you struggle. Dyslexia often comes with high EQ, problem solving and creativity. A huge percentage of entrepreneurs are dyslexic.

I work as a consultant in a very specific subject, but have been very entrepreneurial about how I position in the market, so my rates are high. But I intend to get them higher yet. Some markets have really healthy budgets for the right service and I am working on getting more clients from those areas.

I am on my own with two children in an expensive area, and I'd like to spend the next 5 years getting us as secure as I possibly can.

Please tell your daughter to think about her gifts. School can be a bit shit for unusual people, but there is a whole world out there where you can be whoever you want and shine. Everyone has unique talents- talking, coaching, creating, negotiating, etc etc and you just need to work out what yours are, and who will give you the most money for using them. And don't be held back by average salaries or fees. What is the maximum you can get paid doing something, and what do you have to do to be worth that?

Though, she may not need to go the self employed route - big corporations are much more supportive of neurodiverse staff than they used to be. I know a young woman who has a very similar skill set as me and she's working at one of the countries biggest insight agencies. She went in as an intern and is now at a good level. They recognise what she can do, and support her in the other areas.

I have already massively outed myself on this thread... so I best stop talking now.

OP posts:
Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 14/10/2023 08:12

Well, I think you are incredible, you have serious equity in houses, a great pension, very high income and you have come out the other side of a divorce with all this too with children. I would give my right arm to have achieved what you have (though I realise it’s never too late to start again career-wise!). Creating your own career path doing something you are great at, AND getting paid very well for it is really inspiring. (My OH is a high earner and amazing at his job but doesn’t want to be involved in the finances, he isn’t interested or good at it. I however have zero earnings as a SAHM, low earning potential (for now!) but I make our money stretch as far as it can. It works for us!!)

AgnesX · 14/10/2023 08:15

In addition to other suggestions how about hiring a PA/bookkeeper who could help for a couple of hours per month. That would help you keep on track?

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 08:22

@Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon thank you! It's actually really helpful to see it that way. Everyone I know is in a couple so have bigger houses and flashier holidays than us... so much is about what your comparisons are.

And for you, you are clearly a team. Your OH can only earn some of what he does because you do what you do to support him. It's hard to see when you're in it, but adulting so often is fine in teams... but if/ when you feel like you're ready to go out and earn, just remember that self belief is the main thing that gets people where they are. Well, and networking. Grin

Ultimately I'd like to be with someone to give and receive support and help too, but that's not quite where I am yet. It'll come I expect.

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 14/10/2023 08:24

I think if you struggle with numbers then some of these budget apps will be overwhelming. It might be worth getting one of the app only accounts like Starling and Monzo which break down your spending.

You have a good income so I would leave enough in your account to cover direct debits and other bills. Move some over to savings when you get paid and put the rest into a Starling or Monzo account and use that for all disposable spending.

Given interest rate rises I would focus on paying off those mortgages too. High earners benefit hugely tax wise from pension contributions so if you don't have your own pension I would start one up.

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 08:30

@AgnesX I think about this. I've looked into VA services, but even knowing what to handover and how feels a bit overwhelming. I feel like I need to be a bit straighter before I can share it if you know what I mean?

OP posts:
gotomomo · 14/10/2023 08:32

Firstly you need to write everything down - excel spreadsheet is fine, pen and paper even you don't need a fancy app.

Write down all your essential outgoings, the things that are fixed plus a budget for things like utilities.

Then set yourself a realistic budget for things like food, entertainment, clothes etc

Then set aside a sum each month for annual costs eg car costs, holidays, celebrations. Put this into a separate account

Finally set a savings budget. Save in a dedicated account

Ideally after all of these there's still a little left for things you hadn't thought of that can build up in your account so you don't dip into your main savings.

Cornishclio · 14/10/2023 08:33

My granddaughter is neurodiverse although only 5 at the moment so it is inspirational to think that even with these challenges she could be as successful as you. Can your accountant recommend a professional to help you with the pension at least?

I am fairly good with numbers and worked in banking but I found YNAB too time consuming to input everything and allocate it. The Monzo pots are good but you need to find a way of stopping yourself dipping into them. Can you recognise the emotions behind the spending? Are you spending when depressed, bored or whatever?

You are in a great position so give yourself a Pat on the back. Maybe focus on one thing at a time like saving a set amount then making a lump sum payment to the mortgage when fixed term up.

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 08:34

@Cornishclio
Thank you.
I spend everything on a credit card because the points are amazing. (I pay the full balance every time and never carry over)
But that messes up me seeing what I spend in Monzo or similar.

Getting eyes on what I am spending and sticking to an amount is going to be key I think.

I'm realising that the mortgages and sorting out a pension are likely my priorities after that.

Thank you

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 14/10/2023 08:44

organicbox · 14/10/2023 08:34

@Cornishclio
Thank you.
I spend everything on a credit card because the points are amazing. (I pay the full balance every time and never carry over)
But that messes up me seeing what I spend in Monzo or similar.

Getting eyes on what I am spending and sticking to an amount is going to be key I think.

I'm realising that the mortgages and sorting out a pension are likely my priorities after that.

Thank you

Ah yes credit cards don't really display in the spending categories correctly but if you get points and pay it off on full it doesn't really matter. Can you just set yourself a limited number of shopping days to keep on track?

Given you have a high income I would say you don't really need to penny pinch on basics but addressing why you overspend presumably on things you don't really need may help you. I would put the savings away at the beginning of the month and make a rule only to touch in emergencies. Budget for big things like holidays by savings pots.

Mamasharp97 · 14/10/2023 08:47

I manage mine like this on 29k per year.

work out your basic outgoings per month:

food/groceries
car maintenance
mortgages
kids stuff
bills

that plus a few hundred pounds stays in your current account - that is your spending money

then with the same bank, open a savings account and build up £1000 in there. I dip into this most months now I’m pregnant and need to buy baby things. When you get paid, top that account up to £1000 again.

any extra money (aka your savings of 60k) transfer to a SEPERATE high interest bank account with a different bank. This way, it’s out of sight, out of mind, you can’t easily dip in without transferring it to your current account.

this way the only numbers you need to worry about are

total essential outgoings
£1000 in same bank savings

this has helped me out of so many tricky situations. After tax, student loan, NI I bring home around £1900 a month and combined salary with my partner, £3000 ish. Our rent is £1200 pm so we do have disposable income but it can get tight when insurance and mots are due, but using this technique we paid for our wedding without going into debt.

hope that helps!

Freelancefreedom · 14/10/2023 08:52

Another YNAB advocate here!
You can set up two separate budgets on it if you like too - one personal and one for your business which you can use to export information into a spreadsheet for your accountant.
The support is superb too. Everyone who uses it will have a referral code which gives an extra free month for both parties, so pm one of us for that - good luck!

Aozora13 · 14/10/2023 08:54

You’ve had some great advice here already. I’d also recommend checking out My Frugal Year on instagram (think she has a blog too). Really great stuff on changing your relationship with money as well as non-judgemental practical advice. She has ADHD and is very inclusive and mindful of additional challenges people can face.

HellonHeels · 14/10/2023 08:55

You've had loads of useful advice. I have a small suggestion. Do you do random spends and frittering?

Every time a marketing email comes in, unsubscribe from it. We're bombarded with advertising. Internet shopping makes it easy to spend without thinking.

lljkk · 14/10/2023 08:57

I don't understand OP asking for advice at all. She has 2 properties & no debts other than the mortgages. She is being savvy by earning points on her credit card & has much more pension than most people because of the deal she got in the divorce. She is savvy enough to have all this information to hand, not shit with money at all.

A check on her retirement income plan, and at least investigating some income insurance possibilities, are her only needs.

If OP thinks she is frittering money then the budget tracking may help, but I think might be more productive to aim for a philosophy of "Never buy anything if I can find a way not to" to reduce the impulse purchase habit.

itsmeafterall · 14/10/2023 09:14

organicbox · 14/10/2023 08:34

@Cornishclio
Thank you.
I spend everything on a credit card because the points are amazing. (I pay the full balance every time and never carry over)
But that messes up me seeing what I spend in Monzo or similar.

Getting eyes on what I am spending and sticking to an amount is going to be key I think.

I'm realising that the mortgages and sorting out a pension are likely my priorities after that.

Thank you

Hey. I used to,do this with credit cards but am now with chase bank and get 1% cash back on spends so that is a good substitute

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 09:46

@lljkk
Thanks for this. So the reason I am asking for help is because I massively overspend.
This thread is making me realise I have been doing better in some areas than I realised, but the spending and the future planning need attention.

I'm finding it really, really helpful. I am getting loads of hood advise and it's helping me bring it all front of mind.

I am going to keep posting because I am grateful to have somewhere to report what I'm doing and have advice from others

OP posts:
Goldmember · 14/10/2023 10:09

Okay so you are good at money, ignore my earlier advice.
It's a spending control problem. Go cold turkey No Spend for one month. Delete your shopping apps, purchase ONLY food toiletries that you've run out of for a month, use up what you have already.

sleepwouldbenice · 14/10/2023 11:20

organicbox · 14/10/2023 07:50

@sleepwouldbenice

Thanks - and yes, we can't all be good at everything. I would, I think, have got a lot further if I had known I was dyslexic and dyscalculate earlier. Instead, I just got terrible GCSEs and close to failed my ALevels. I had quite a lot of shame because I would get weird things wrong, and had all these workarounds so no one could see. I got a accused of rushing and not focussing a lot,

I scraped in to a Uni in the days when you could talk your way in through clearing. (I had Ds and Es) At which point I got a really good degree and a masters. - I had found a subject that I was really good at and didn't have to do all the things I'm bad at. Also, I started using a computer with a spellcheck, so I made a lot less errors.

It's the reason I am self employed, I had to create a world where I could avoid being put on the spot and being asked to do what other people find straightforward.

The thing is, for people with any form of neurodiversity, you tend to have areas of excellence and areas you struggle. Dyslexia often comes with high EQ, problem solving and creativity. A huge percentage of entrepreneurs are dyslexic.

I work as a consultant in a very specific subject, but have been very entrepreneurial about how I position in the market, so my rates are high. But I intend to get them higher yet. Some markets have really healthy budgets for the right service and I am working on getting more clients from those areas.

I am on my own with two children in an expensive area, and I'd like to spend the next 5 years getting us as secure as I possibly can.

Please tell your daughter to think about her gifts. School can be a bit shit for unusual people, but there is a whole world out there where you can be whoever you want and shine. Everyone has unique talents- talking, coaching, creating, negotiating, etc etc and you just need to work out what yours are, and who will give you the most money for using them. And don't be held back by average salaries or fees. What is the maximum you can get paid doing something, and what do you have to do to be worth that?

Though, she may not need to go the self employed route - big corporations are much more supportive of neurodiverse staff than they used to be. I know a young woman who has a very similar skill set as me and she's working at one of the countries biggest insight agencies. She went in as an intern and is now at a good level. They recognise what she can do, and support her in the other areas.

I have already massively outed myself on this thread... so I best stop talking now.

Thank you for your lovely reply
Yes she's got to find her skills, she's taken the academic route so far, and done very well, given her restrictions
She'll get there with career choice
You are very inspiring, determined and hard working. You'll cracking the spending side I am sure. But enjoy your success and make sure you fo spend on what makes you and your loved family happy 😊

Fourmagpies · 14/10/2023 11:35

Speak to your accountant about a pension (though you need a financial adviser for the pension advice) as it would be worth paying one from the company. You'd get tax relief and it's a way of withdrawing money without paying more tax in it. Though worth getting on top of your spending before you do this. Also for your personal tax you can pay HMRC monthly so you're not tempted to dip into tax savings. I pay myself a regular amount of dividends each month and pay the tax on this to HMRC each month.

WellIdontknowwhattocallmyself · 14/10/2023 11:40

I’m a big online spender. The only thing that works for me is withdrawing physical money from an ATM because I know I can’t be arsed to cash it in

sadaboutmycat · 14/10/2023 11:58

My ex husband ran off with my wealthy mate, shafted me in the divorce with her sneaky expensive lawyer and cleared the bank accounts. Paid hardly any maintenance and I had to get by. Never been able to buy another home, had to work around childcare, will work till I drop but have managed to get myself to 45k a year by doing 55 hr weeks at 60. All costs gone up exponentially so no better off.

And you're worried?! OP you should pay someone to manage your money if you really can't manage on £130k + a year.

WellIdontknowwhattocallmyself · 14/10/2023 14:40

sadaboutmycat · 14/10/2023 11:58

My ex husband ran off with my wealthy mate, shafted me in the divorce with her sneaky expensive lawyer and cleared the bank accounts. Paid hardly any maintenance and I had to get by. Never been able to buy another home, had to work around childcare, will work till I drop but have managed to get myself to 45k a year by doing 55 hr weeks at 60. All costs gone up exponentially so no better off.

And you're worried?! OP you should pay someone to manage your money if you really can't manage on £130k + a year.

The OP is neurodivergent, it’s a disability that can cause various issues with handling money, it’s important you take that into account before being so judgemental

Original poster
organicbox · 14/10/2023 23:43

@WellIdontknowwhattocallmyself

Exactly, that was my point really. I am clearly not doing as well as I could with my fortunate situation, and I am asking for help to think about why.

If only it was as simple as 'pay someone else' - who, how etc needs thought. But I'm getting there.

I am sorry you got treated like that. Particularly by a friend. Well done for pulling it round under what sounds like very difficult circumstances.

OP posts: