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Original poster

To think this was rude

23 replies

Mizzybee · 10/09/2023 18:56

Hey,

so we are a family of 3- me, dc and ds aged 13.

We still live in the first house that we bought 18 years ago. It’s a 3 bed ex council semi. Decent estate, nice big rooms, big garden etc. at the time it was the most house for our budget and we paid £120k in 2005.

as we’ve gotten older we’ve done well in our careers and we now earn about 90k combined. Despite this, we’ve never really felt any urge to move. Our mortgage is almost cleared and the house offers us What we need. We have modernised it etc

recent a friend made a comment - “ I sometimes wonder why you haven’t upgraded your house” I feel quite offended by this!

am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/09/2023 18:57

Ball back in their court.

“ I sometimes wonder why you haven’t upgraded your house”

'"Do you? why?"

LondonQueen · 10/09/2023 20:30

That is quite rude, but it sounds like you live below your means, which is quite rare today. However, the financial independence it gives you is unbeatable. Whilst you're happy with your house, stick with it.

Tromso · 10/09/2023 21:14

If you've modernised it, that is a rude thing to say, although I'd hope they didn't mean it in that way - perhaps they meant that they're surprised you haven't moved somewhere bigger/"nicer" since it seems to be the trajectory people are expected to follow. Living below one's means is increasingly uncommon now.

I wouldn't think too much about it. As long as you're happy and you're comfortable there, that's the main thing.

alwaysmovingforwards · 10/09/2023 21:19

It's rude but agree with a previous poster that it's rare to live below your means these days.
I'm under-housed vs salary, but I like it - area, size, condition etc. I got asked similar, 'why don't you push on up the housing ladder'?
I was just honest and said 'because I like it and as it stands I'll be able to retire at 45 if I choose to'.
The penny dropped 😉

youveturnedupwelldone · 10/09/2023 21:36

You have more housing security than people who always feel the need to "house up" when their income changes.

I have done the same, people also do not quite compute, especially when they realise I have more mortgage now.

wobytide · 10/09/2023 22:52

Some people are insecure and think their house defines their life and achievements. You don't need to be that person

CyberCritical · 10/09/2023 23:00

We're similar to you, bought our house 13 yrs ago for £83k when we had a low household income, now we're doing well, mortgage is tiny and will be paid off before we're mid forties, no intention of moving ever really. We like our house and the area so why would we move just because we could afford to, not moving means we can afford to save, to go on holiday, to buy what we want, to set DD up financially......

I think your friend may have come across rude, but was probably just seeing it from a more common perspective which does seem to be to mortgage yourself to the hilt for bigger houses/better areas because thats seen as being better for whatever reason and so was confused why you didn't want that.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/09/2023 06:44

We're also very similar in terms of house value and income and the main reason is we just CBA. Plus we've done hardly any decorating so the house looks very tired.

Anyone judging us financially based on our house would probably assume we're struggling but the reality is that we're mortgage free and saving/investing quite a bit of money, which is a priority for us as DP has been mostly self employed for the last couple of decades and there's been quite a bit of ups and downs, so now he's doing a lot better, he's prioritising his pension.

Plus I'm not sure right now is a good time to try and move house unless it's really necessary, so my current plan is to wait, which means that instead of taking out another mortgage, we have a good chance of benefitting from the higher interest rates to build up a decent pot of money and we'll be able to pay for the move mostly/all from savings and equity.

Moltenpink · 11/09/2023 06:49

You have the right idea IMO. I love my house, mortgage is paid off, neighbours are great. I don’t have any intention of upsizing, the kids will be moving out before I know it anyway

pompomdaisy · 11/09/2023 06:51

We moved up the housing ladder with our salaries. Mainly to get away from a nightmare neighbour and a soulless street. However, I would be retired now but as it is I've got to work for another 6 years. You make your choices.

KohlaParasaurus · 11/09/2023 06:53

It's a bit nosy, but would only be rude if she didn't take, "We're very happy in this house," for an answer and went on to probe about your financial situation.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 11/09/2023 06:56

It's rude because it implies there's something wrong with your present house. Unless you've been complaining about your present house, it's an unpleasant thing to say.

historyrepeatz · 11/09/2023 06:57

What was your response? I think I would have been too stunned to say anything straight away. It's not a nice things to say.

MidnightOnceMore · 11/09/2023 07:00

I think my question would be 'what do you mean by 'upgrade'?'

Shinyandnew1 · 11/09/2023 07:00

alwaysmovingforwards · 10/09/2023 21:19

We have just paid our mortgage off-I only wish that meant we could retire at 46 though!

@Mizzybee yes, I think she was rude. What did you say?

LakeTiticaca · 11/09/2023 07:24

Why move if you are happy and financially secure.
For many people I believe it's just show. Look at me , look at how much I earn, look at the huge house house I have just bought (on a vast mortgage)
Then comes recession, redundancy, housing crash.....

Gh12345 · 21/09/2023 08:22

You both clearly have different priorities and in the end, I’d rather have an ex council house that’s nearly paid off with lots of spare cash without having to maintain a bigger property/bigger council tax etc.

Gh12345 · 21/09/2023 08:23

LakeTiticaca · 11/09/2023 07:24

Touché

2chocolateoranges · 21/09/2023 08:27

Just ignore, we’ve been asked the same and my reply is always because my mortgage is very nearly paid off, I don’t want to start another.

mortgage will be paid off before I’m 50, which gives us a few years to save for retirement(hopefully).

a house doesn’t define you(though I do know some people who think it does)

bopbey · 21/09/2023 08:28

I don't think it's necessarily rude, people just prioritise different things.

GOODCAT · 21/09/2023 08:53

I don't think it is necessarily rude, could just be curiosity. We bought in 2003, but moved in 2014 to reduce my travel time, but as we needed parking the only place that came up that was in budget was bigger than the previous house.

Still paying the mortgage now! The reduction in travel hours is worth it, but we will move again when I retire to something more suitable for old age.

CherryBlossom321 · 21/09/2023 08:58

I don’t think it’s rude particularly, I think that society expects people to do exactly that - adapt their lifestyle according to their income. Not everyone has to. We’ve never maxed out on a mortgage, though we have moved to a bigger space when we could as our previous home was feeling cramped. We would have coped but chose not to. Horses for courses.

HenriettaBaguetta · 21/09/2023 09:01

I don't think it's rude and you're possibly being a bit sensitive.

I think it was just a question and not a slight on your house.

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