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Original poster

AIBU to be angry at dh ?

24 replies

icketgirl · 03/09/2023 13:39

Hi,

last month we had a 2k bill to pay that dh was sorting out. Turns out he was £700 short and was embarrassed. We have a savings account for our son that we both have access to. I’ve found out that he took the £700 from here and put it back last payday

I’m cross that he didn’t ask me but he can’t see the issue.

aibu?

OP posts:
xyz111 · 03/09/2023 13:48

Some men get very embarrassed at not being able to provide for their family. I would just say to him it's not a problem (he paid it right back), but just mention it next time, it's not a big deal

fourelementary · 03/09/2023 13:48

Yabu

SisterMichaelsHabit · 03/09/2023 13:49

I think YABU because he paid it straight back. It'd be different if he'd drained it and left it empty.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 03/09/2023 13:51

Yabu. He paid it straight back.
I've borrowed money from my child's savings, although they are a teen and I did ask first. And put it straight back.

BlackberryCrumbs · 03/09/2023 13:54

Angry is a bit strong. I'd be mildly annoyed but would just ask that if the same happened again he spoke to me.

ScattyHattie · 03/09/2023 13:58

It's not unreasonable to want to be informed on financial affairs and to make it clear for future what you want to happen but I think if you would've moved money about the same to avoid penalties and repaid payday then it's not a big deal that he also assumed that you were just letting him deal with it and make the choices.

Whattodo112222 · 03/09/2023 14:05

He should've consulted you but perhaps it was a matter of pride.

I couldn't be too angry if he's then replaced the money.

Uterusbegone · 03/09/2023 14:38

He put it back, so I don't see the issue

RedHelenB · 03/09/2023 14:42

icketgirl · 03/09/2023 13:39

Hi,

last month we had a 2k bill to pay that dh was sorting out. Turns out he was £700 short and was embarrassed. We have a savings account for our son that we both have access to. I’ve found out that he took the £700 from here and put it back last payday

I’m cross that he didn’t ask me but he can’t see the issue.

aibu?

Yabu if he's put it back a.d your ds is too young to ask permission off.

Dyrne · 03/09/2023 16:38

I’d be annoyed at him hiding it OP. Although he was able to dip into savings and replace it quickly; it might be a sign that you need to rethink how you manage your finances more generally - robbing Peter to pay Paul isn’t a stable financial strategy; and you should have been kept informed so that you can be involved in those sorts of financial discussions and decisions.

I wouldn’t want this setting any sort of precedent for him allowing his pride to make him hide future financial issues from you. Ultimately you’re a team and you both need to be involved and informed.

sezzer87 · 03/09/2023 17:22

He put it back didn't he? So what's the problem? Would you rather your child have parents in debt or be down £700 for a short time? Perhaps he didn't ask you because he knows what you're like.

Mari9999 · 03/09/2023 17:26

@icketgirl
I would let him know that I would expect to be informed, but I would not be angry. He handled it in a responsible way.

Do you never make a spur of the moment decision that you may later regret. Fortunately he made an immediate replacement. Nothing was really hurt or damaged.

Save your anger for the serious issues.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 03/09/2023 19:24

Actually I think it is an issue. Not the money; it's the not mentioning it.

stonedaisy · 03/09/2023 19:29

The fact that he put it back is everything. He borrowed it knowing he could put it back.
If he hadn't put it back it would have been awful.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/09/2023 19:30

What would you have said had he asked?

C1N1C · 03/09/2023 19:39

Wow, non-issue.

SmithfamilyRobinson · 03/09/2023 19:56

Suggest you put the money into a junior ISA which can't be touched until your DC is 18 as the interest rates are better? Pros are that it is always there's.

readbooksdrinktea · 04/09/2023 17:34

He put it right back. It was to pay a bill. Would you have said not to do it? That would be hugely unreasonable.

NoSquirrels · 04/09/2023 17:49

Why didn’t you know there wasn’t enough to pay the £2K bill? Are your finances transparent with each other?

It doesn’t sound like he took it to spend on himself - sounds like a family bill? - and he replaced the money into the savings account. He told you when you asked about it? So really it was just a cashflow issue, shuffling money around.

As long as he knows to consult next time before moving money from the DC’s savings then no harm no foul.

Sounds like you guys need an emergency fund. Put less in DC’s savings un you’ve got one.

jolaylasofia · 04/09/2023 17:58

how didn't you know he was £700 short though?

TeaKitten · 04/09/2023 18:00

That’s a lot to be short, is he ok financially for this month? He put it back, being angry is the wrong approach.

TeaKitten · 04/09/2023 18:00

Also did you have the £700 available for use if he’d have asked?

LifeIsShitJustNow · 04/09/2023 18:32

@icketgirl if your DH had asked you, would you have had the £700 at hand? What would have been yur likely reaction? I assume this will depend on what the £2k were for?

The taking away and putting it back depends on what sort of account you are using for your ds too. For some, it won’t be an issue. For others, you’ll have lost quite a bit.

As PP have pointed out, the secrecy is an issue!

JaneIntheBox · 04/09/2023 18:37

Why do you need to be 'told'? Do you not check the account yourself regularly?

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