how do you cope with this??

[blanketoverload]

Hi,

I am looking for anyone who like me, is dealing with paying off debts.

We are currently on a journey to pay off a large, but manageable amount of debt. Despite us being on track, I feel as though I think about it constantly. I often wake at night worrying about what would happen if one of us lost our jobs , or became ill. I probably think/worry about the debt and money at least once an hour.

I can't bring myself to include the figures on here, but I will share that our debt payments plus mortgage payment come to 40% of our combined net income.

The unsecured debt will be paid off in 38 months and the mortgage 20 more months after that, so there is an end in sight.

Is anyone else managing a similar situation but managing to not feel stressed all of the time? I expect that a bit of stress is normal but it's literally taking over my life. I have been to the GP and am taking anti-depressants.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. I felt worried when we first started paying the debts off. Occasionally I’ll have a pang of anxiety but for the most part I’m ok with it. Yes, a job loss or illness could impact things… but it probably won’t.

try and be kind to yourself and feel proud that you’re tackling your debts

Would it help to work out potential alternatives?

So, for example, you are paying off a huge amount in a relatively short period of time. While it will no doubt feel fantastic to be debt free in 5 years, is it actually necessary? Could you restructure to pay off in 10 years (or even longer) but also overpay? That way you still get the benefit of paying the debt off early, but without the stress of it being mandatory.

Yes possibly but then I worry that I would just feel stressed for longer! I think that a lot of my anxiety is driven by the fact that our total balance is so high. I a hoping that as we progress further and the balances continue to drop, then I will start to feel better

I heard of a couple who paid off thousands , it took a few years . They made a chart and coloured it in a colour each month and had a little celebration when they reached a milestone. If you are on a journey to paying this off you need to be proud of yourselves as you’re putting yourself in the position of having a better future.

I don’t look on a mortgage as a debt, just something most of us have to do to get if we want to own our own house, so take that out of your thinking. As previous poster says, do a chart each month and see where you are with paying off debt and well done with trying to get it sorted, give yourself a pat on the back, so many people don’t.

This. You need to be able to see your progress - it may feel like an insurmountable task but you can at least see your progress this way! Divide it up into 100 chunks, draw a big grid and colour in whenever you pay off a 'chunk' of the balance. It becomes tangible that way!

We have a medium debt, that according to stepchange will be paid off in about 10 years 😬 because we can't afford high payments right now.

I try to put it to the back of my mind, as it is in hand and we are at an expensive stage of life right now. As and when I can increase payments I will.

Hi, what is medium debt?

So- it is fairly typical to spend 40% of net just on mortgage alone these days. Your repayments should be manageable.

Also the prospect of being mortgage free in 5 years is excellent

I say this not to negate your feelings but because it sounds to me like the problem really is anxiety rather than the debt. Do you suffer from anxiety generally? This is what you should address.

It will be good when the debt is gone but if you have an anxiety disorder you will probably find something else to worry about so maybe the anxiety is the thing to address

It isn't an official term, just what feels a lot to me but isn't as much as many. It's around 10k in our terms.

It sounds bad but realistically 40% of income for the two isn't that far off what is a normal mortgage payment.

I don't think you need to stress so much about job loss. If you've only five years left on the mortgage your equity must be good. You are minimal risk to a bank so there would be little point in them going for repossession. They'd come to an arrangement for a mortgage holiday, interest only or allow you to extend the term. Similarly the debt repayment could be restructured if you lost a job.

Hopefully that won't happen and it will all be paid off. Once you clear the debt you could always overpay the mortgage to bring the date even closer on the basis that you are already used to paying out that money each month.

You’re going to be completely debt and mortgage free in less than 5 years-isn’t that brilliant? How old are you? Many people will be paying socking great mortgages every month until they are 70. I think you need to look at rationalising this anxiety.

This is actually ridiculously tone deaf.

Why do you say that? The OP is allowed to ask for help and advice surely?

Maybe try to begin a low cost hobby or interest to focus your energies and thoughts elsewhere?

Family tree, running, reading from the library, binging box sets, learn a language, local history, that sort of thing?

I don't really see our mortgage as debt as such - it's secured against a property and it's what the majority of people use to buy a home. The fact you won't have one soon is amazing. I won't lie, I'm struggling to see the issue here unless the remaining 60% of you income isn't enough to survive on?