Am I missing a trick? I can’t cut back anymore

[undertherainbow123]

Good evening. All advice would be gratefully appreciated.

I am 31, married and on maternity leave with our first baby. We live in a small town by the sea up north where most people are employed by hospitality in the town or local authorities where you have to speak Welsh to even get an interview. For the record I don’t speak welsh however I am willing to learn. My husband is a postman and together we have a joint income just over £50k a year. We get by and had support buying our house and paying for our wedding from our parents. They have also gifted us key expensive items for the baby. We are extremely lucky. We have a mortgage which is fixed until 2026 on a 2.1% deal, we have no debt apart from a loan which helped us buy things for the house that we needed which around is around £180 a month. We have a car with no HP but it is 9 years old and a 3 door which is becoming unpractical with the pram and car seat. We don’t have sky but have Netflix and Amazon prime. I don’t get enhanced maternity leave so I’ve putting in the joint account what I can and my husband has been working over time to cover the rest. We are managing for now. My worry is when I go back to work, I will go back on 4 days a week as nursery will be more than what we can afford. My parents have offered to have him 2 days a week. My in laws are both working full time where as mine as retired but MIL said she would be able to help on Saturdays but my work would need me in the week and not the weekend. We live in our means. Rarely have take aways, don’t spend lots of money on going out or weekends away even before the baby. We get by. My question is, how am I honestly going to afford a new car, and when I say new, I mean new to us. 3 years old would be ideal and we aren’t after an Audi. A practical car with low mileage is what we have in mind, Nursery and a higher mortgage when the rate ends? How do people do it? Whilst pregnant I retrained and got a professional qualification which I can hopefully use which will give us options but I would have to start at the bottom and work my way up and base salary is what I’m on now, but I would need to travel and the new car would really be needed in that case. It would also be full time.

Do I stay where I am, 5 mins from home, nice company which I’ve been at for 3 years, but it’s dead end and boring and earn the same money in 5 years time. Or do I try for a full time job which I would need to travel an hour over the border to, get new car as mine woudlnt make the journey on the mileage it’s on currently and get through the first few years in the hope I’m successful and progress to higher roles with more money and do extra courses? Would mean 3 days in nursery and basically work for nothing?

ideally in 3 years we would like to have another baby but doesn’t look like we will be able to afford one. For the record I don’t know how we can cut back anymore. We do our shopping at aldi, neither of us drink or smoke, I don’t go and get my hair done or nails done, rarely buy new clothes. Our baby is formula fed and we buy him things from next and m and s, not Designer. Our last holiday was our honeymoon before we had our baby. Am I missing a trick? How do people afford 2 cars, a mortgage, holidays, more than one child but seem to be on average salaries?

no judgement just looking for some advice? Please and Thank you

Next and M&S baby clothes are expensive to me! We get 2nd hand from vinted or supermarket brands 😂.
I wouldn't compare yourself to others either. Other people might seem like they can afford it all but it's all paid for on finance/credit cards but like to keep up appearances for social media. Or just like you they've had money gifted by parents or from an inheritance or be on higher salaries than you think. You don't know people's true financial situation.

I think a key element is that two average salaries in the UK now is over £63k - quite a difference from £50k. And even so most people on average salaries are not spending the way you suggest, or at least, not without building up debt. I don't think you're missing a trick - it sounds as though you're doing pretty well in the circumstances, but another baby in 3 years may be an unrealistic expectation, tbh. Maybe better to think in terms of 5-7 years, and see what either or both of you can do to earn more in the meantime? Won't be easy with a baby, of course.

Focus on building your career. It’s common to work for nothing when you have little kids in nursery, but it will pay off when you earn more later.

Would it make more sense for your partner to drop to 3 or 4 days while you work FT? Could you ask your parents for a loan to buy a car? If not, could you or your partner get an extra shift/second job at the weekend to bring in a bit more?

You may well be earning enough for a second baby in 3 years, or you may not, just work on trying to increase your income rather than worrying about specifics right now. If your partner is a postman it sounds like you are going to be the higher earner.

You are doing as well as you can for now. The people you describe either have a higher income than you, they get family help, or they’re in debt. Check your bills are as low as they can be, buy second hand baby stuff, swap to a cheaper supermarket if you can, eat veggie more if you can.

3 doors is annoying but if you can make it work at all, then I'd hold off the new car. Secondhand cars are crazy expensive still and I've been assuming I'd be replacing my 15 year old car for the last couple of years but putting it off because the point where it becomes uneconomical to repair has shifted hugely. You'll be able to move to a buggy soon enough.

A lot of couples are having to space their children according to free hours/starting school rather than the old 2 year gap as that helps with childcare costs.

9 years is not an old car. Why do you think it wouldn’t make a one hour drive?

It’s hard for anyone to help make these decisions. Only you can really say whether you want a new challenge at work. Some would prefer to coast a bit when their babies are small. But if you need to earn more money then could you find a wfh role, or predominately to avoid the long commute?

How long is left on the loan? I wouldn't be thinking about a new car until that was fully paid off and agree 9 years isn't that old for a car. You wouldn't really need a 5 door car until you had 2 children. We had a 3 door corsa until my second child was over 1. Just got very good at boot jenga!
Could you work a Saturday morning in retail while your in laws have the baby to clear that loan any quicker?
I'd start looking around now at potential FT roles in your new career area to see what's available and get a feel for salaries. The first few years are always tough after maternity leave. Also agree about maybe your husband could drop a day if you worked full time and pick up extra hours on the Saturday or on other working days?

As You have identified you can cut stuff like Amazon and Netflix and never have takeaways, but as others say focus on trying to grow your income and work even if you only break even during the nursery years. A colleague at work has done this and is now in line for promotion that she wouldn't have got had she been absent from the workplace altogether and it is coming together for her as her youngest starts school. She has also had pension contributions which you is not going to be a priority for you now, but it makes a big difference when the time comes for retirement.

My car is 20 years old and still great, so don't worry on age alone.

Next and m and s are far too expensive considering he'll grow out of them. I get baby clothes in cheaper shops. That's one area you can cut right away.

£180 a month debt on “things for the house”? Pay that off and you can afford a car? I’m not sure how much car finance is (my car is 15 years old and is as reliable as they come) but that is a lot of debt for your income.

I had two babies and a three car fiesta and actually found it easier than a four door. You need to lean the driver / passenger seat forward and make room for yourself to put them in the car seat with yourself crouched in front of them. Much easier than leaning over than a four door, but that may be just me.
I think the time to consider an updated model of car is when you are spending more on it every year to get it through the MOT than the cars value.

I think a key element is that two average salaries in the UK now is over £63k - quite a difference from £50k. And even so most people on average salaries are not spending the way you suggest
I agree.

I don't think people are affording "2 cars, a mortgage, holidays, more than one child but seem to be on average salaries".

I think your life sound pretty standard to be honest.

My car is 13 years old and I've got 2 kids - you become good at boot jenga - or in my case I got a small pushchair that fitted and then shopping goes on top of it.
I wouldn't get a new car until you've paid off the loan - how long is left on that? - try and get that gone before the fixed mortgage ends.

M&S and next is expensive for baby clothes considering they probably get 3 months wear on average out of them.
Get on vinted / car boots / charity shops / supermarkets / Facebook

Have you gone through your spending properly to see where you can make cuts. Mine was the "quick trips" to the supermarket - £10 here - £9 there ... adds up

You do have debt if you have a loan. Don't think of yourselves as people with no debt.

It's been a very expensive period of time for you. A wedding, a house and now a baby.

People just manage with a three door car. It's completely fine, you will just get used to it.

There are countless people who don't have holidays or cars. Your income for a couple isn't high but you've got a house so that is great. The nursery years and the teenage years are expensive, there's no doubt about it.

Who earns more - you or your husband?
If he works on Saturday could you pick up other work on Sat while MIL minds the baby and if necessary one of you drops a day in the week to look after him? Depends on the sums.

• Check all your bills and subscriptions including insurance, home internet and mobile phone charges.
• Look at all of your direct debits/standing orders and recurring payments on cards. There may be something you've forgotten about.
• Buy secondhand baby clothes as far as possible. That's what i plan to do. It's normal not to buy designer baby clothes
• do you have any other debt?

Financially you're at the worst point - childcare is expensive and you're not earning at the moment. Most people do not find things easy unless very well off. It's quite normal to really not do much more than pay essentials at this point.

Some people appear to be in a better position because they have cleared expenses before having children - so in your case that would have been getting the new(er) car and paying off the loan. However, clearly that's no help to you now - but equally you're not going to be in a position to make big purchases until your child gets free nursery hours. It's hunker down time.

As PP's have said, there are small things you can do to save which will give you enough for the odd treat or emergency. Second hand baby clothing is amazing. I scarcely paid anything for clothes when the children were young. Netflix and Prime is a luxury. It may be worth it if you don't spend out on other entertainment, but do you really need 2 streaming services?

You need to go over to money saving expert and do a statement of affairs. It's really useful for proper budgeting because most people forget one off spends like Christmas, birthdays, MOT etc.

How long does the £180 loan have left? How much is your mortgage now and what will it be assuming today's rates?

We earn similar to you and pay £1000 a month mortgage (which includes an overpayment) but no longer have childcare.

Are you being totally honest with yourself about whether baby spends are necessary? I've seen a lot of women use the entertainment of buying things for baby to pass some of the boring bits of mat leave and justify it as 'essential'.

As others have said, NCT sales or vinted are your friends. Once they get to 6 months plus and you combine starting to crawl with a diet of sweet potato and carrot (and orange teething drool) things do not stay pristine for more than three minutes.

I would buy every lump of baby plastic toy entertainment second hand. They really do not hold value and things like baby walkers, light up balls, light and learn drums can all be wiped down easily.

If you buy well second hand you can sell on for what you paid. You also don't need to clutter up your house holding onto everything for a potential second child.

In terms of work, I wouldn't make any decisions until you return and see the reality of juggling work and motherhood. Some people don't mind the commute, it's time on your own. For others it's a killer. It also depends how available your partner is for pick ups etc.

I'd plan as best as you can for current wages and review it after a few months back to work.

Have you also done an online benefits check? You might just qualify for a small amount of help for the child care element. Put it in with the figures as best you know them.

And are you doing your childcare calculations taking into account the tax free scheme or whatever the childcare vouchers are now called.