AIBU?

[Smokyjool]

morning!!

dh is currently going through a ‘let’s get financially organised’ fad. I’ve no issue with that although I actually think we’re doing ok.

we each have our own bank accounts, plus a joint account that we both pay into for bills Joint savings etc. we each use our spare money for personal spends etc.

dh has asked to see my bank statements for my personal account and I’m just not happy with that. To be clear, there’s nothing dodgy on there etc, but I just feel that it’s an invasion of my privacy. I don’t want him pouring over my personal spends .

I don’t feel that just because we’re married that I shouldn’t be allowed some degree of privacy. He’s shorty with me and thinks I’m hiding something- I’m not.

AIBU

Is he showing you his personal statements?

I understand that invasion of privacy feeling. Can you open a separate account for personal spending, so he doesn't see the details beyond a monthly sum being transferred between accounts?

YANBU (not that this is AIBU?)

It sounds like you're doing OK - joint accounts to cover joint costs, then personal money to do what you want with so as long as joint costs are split fairly and you're not affecting him with your spending (eg you can't contribute to a joint thing you both want to do and agreed to share the cost of out of personal money) then you're right, you don't have to show him your accounts.

I'd tell him to let it go, or if he insists, you could also tell him that you'll show him yours when you've seen his first and then you can comment negatively on everything he spends.

You show him yours, if he shows you his. Tbh I think that a married couple should know these things.

YANBU. It’s good to keep somethings private especially the small amount of money that’s your own. I can understand if you’s were saving for something specific and you both wanted to club together to put a bit extra into savings, but I don’t think it means going through your statements, a simple conversation on what extra you both could spare each month. Verbal communication is key but I do agree it’s a bit invasive.

Agreed

TBH I can't really see this as an issue. DH and I don't routinely check each other's statements but we know where they are in case we ever wanted to. And I can't imagine anything I'd want to hide on mine, it's pretty dull really. If it was a man refusing to show his bank statement you'd get posts suggesting he might be hiding Only Fans payments or payments for dates with an OW!

Why does he want to look at your accounts. Is he hoping he can help you cut down on direct debits etc? If so, then he only needs to know which direct debits you have going out. He doesn't need to see all of your spending. If you don't share money in that way, then it's nothing to do with him.