NC for this just in case!
I've been with my DP for 8 years, 2 DC 5 and 4 years old. We have a mortgaged house with approx 33% equity and a measly £500 in joint savings as a paltry emergency fund.
We're a bit rocky at the moment, I don't know if it's that 7/8 year mark or just our life affecting our relationship at the moment. We currently have separate finances with a joint account for the joint expenses but I'm struggling as I earn less having been the one to work around school and pre-school. Youngest is starting school next week so with access to wrap around care I'm looking for a new job rather that working the two jobs I do at the moment. I used to have considerable savings but I used them as my 'earnings' for my maternity leaves almost back to back as our DC's are less than a year apart.
We combined finances completely last year for a while when DP was working up to 80 hours a week as it meant I obviously took on the child/home care side of things and worked PT between school hours (approx 30 hours a week). We budgeted, made a plan together to pay off debt (we have a lot between us, he has a lot more than me) but he didn't like it as he felt 'controlled'. So we separated our finances. He's recently got a new job which he works less hours for but earns a lot less. I'm pretty sure his outgoings exceed his income all debt payments and frivolous spending considered.
I'm trying to follow the Dave Ramsey method to get myself in a good position but it's hard on a low income and he keeps borrowing from me and I have to wait for his payday to get it back. He owes me and our joint account money this month but he's bought an Xbox on payday so it doesn't look like I'll be getting that back.
He has no consideration for the future or saving for things such as Christmas or holidays. I'm in a constant state of high stress because I just don't feel we're compatible and I don't see a way out. I don't know what to do.