Is dh BU

[Lucymids]

Hi everyone, I’m really upset this morning

this month had been a killer for us financially. Massive car bill and a leaky roof has wiped out the bit of savings we had Built.

we’ll ok once payday arrives in 10 days but we are very short until then. Dh is very stressed over this and thus can trigger his anxiety- something he suffers with.

I told him I’d sort it. Our ds (13) has £2000 in a savings account that I can access online. I’ve transferred £300 into our account and have set up 3x£100 payments to return the money over 3 months.

dh has gone ballistic and told me that I’m out it order and that it’s stealing. I think he’s being a knob. The money is going back in so whilst it’s not ideal, I don’t see the problem. The other option would have been to withdraw it in my credit card!!

I think it depends on whose money is in the savings account.

Having a lump sum you've set aside with the intention of it being for dc - but priorities change and the money is needed. Fine. If it's a savings consisting of ds's birthday and Xmas money he's saved - not fine.

Either way it’s just a family juggling pots to survive so imho as long it is all def back to normal in 3 months it’s fine.

I've done that a few times with the kids money, it's been really convenient.

As long as its paid back I don't see the issue.

I have done the same, and also have occasionally borrowed money for a few days to save me getting overdraft charges when the bills and pay day don't quite match up. Always paid back in full. I had to borrow the money for dds glasses and school uniform this month, it will be paid back on pay day.

Did you discuss it with your H first? You really should have.
If there was no other option then ok but I would have to be desperate to dip into my children’s money

I agree with @Hoppinggreen , I would have wanted to discuss it first and have it as the option of last resort - if you could have spent on your credit card and paid it back before interest accrued I would have done that in preference to raiding savings, but it sounds like (a) you need actual cash as you refer to 'withdrawing it' and there is no interest-free period and (b) if you need to pay it back over 3 months you would end up paying interest on it.

That all said, what we can't know is whether discussing this with your DH would have made his anxiety worse, might have led him to stating point blank the DC's money should not be touched, but leaving you to find an alternative solution or just take the money anyway.

I think it needs to be clear between you how financial emergencies are handled. If he needs to stay out of them to some extent because of his anxiety, he needs to stay out - which includes not criticising how you choose to resolve them.

What I would be worried about in his shoes is what if next month is tight as well (back to school) and you can't make the repayments as planned. However, some of that comes down to both of you sitting down and working out how you can start building an emergency fund. I also understand why you wouldn't discuss it with your DS but at some point soon he could start to take an interest in his own savings, and could find out you've raided them. I may say my DS has never shown any interest in his whatsoever, but it wouldn't be a nice thing to have to explain. Your DS might well feel it was stealing since you took it without permission.

I don't think you were unreasonable but you should have discussed it with him first.