Can he force me to sell the house

[christologymum]

I've been separated for 2 years from ex for 2 plus years now, I stayed in the marital home with our 3 children paying the mortgage.

He's been living with his mum. Last Aug the fixed rate came to an end and we agreed to fix for another 2 years and then review. We have an Iva which will be off our credit files in the march so made sense to fix to Aug then it would be gone and both be in a place to decide what to do. All good and all amicable.

He now lives 40 mins away but when his shift pattern falls that he works a weekend and can't have kids at his he comes and stays in the house, and I go to parents. When i say kids I mean youngest as older two won't go to his mums, although CMS is based on him having all 3 2/3 nights a week.

He's recently met a new girlfriend all fine, he's introduced kids very quickly which is concerning but that's his choice. But he's now started asking why I haven't sold house and getting arsey about it, I'm not sure if this is her influence or just him taking stock.

Also I've just come back from him being here two nights and I'm not sure how much I can deal with this. The house is just wrecked, rubbish everywhere. Toilets a mess, just took me 4 hours to get it straight as basically he does nothing. Part of the reason it didn't work out. He seems to think that I should provide food while he's here, and I've explained numerous times that on his 2 days with the kids they are his responsibility, but come back to kids saying dad moaning no food in.

So my main question next Aug can he force the sale of the house? Whilst I would happily move and have a clean break I'm concerned that I won't be able to afford something for me and the kids. I don't think I can afford to buy him out. I earn more than him but house round here are expensive

I've paid mortgage myself since he left, and spent £6k on home improvements. He pays me what CSM says he should £250, mortgage is £738. I think he will try and say he's been paying half of mortgage.

So realistically I would get more than 50% factoring in the payments I've made for 3 years come next year.

I know i need to get legal advice but just canvassing options really and could he force the sale is my main concern.

Getting fed now, youngest daughter on FaceTime to him and can hear him slagging me off for working from home to her, getting fed up.

I guess it's only fair if he wants to buy again soon that he gets his share of the equity. I guess he can take it to court and they can force you to sell/ buy him out but they will also look at what's in the kids best interests.

A court will be heavily influenced by the welfare of the children who, AIUI, are with you in the former matrimonial home most of the time.

The legal queen on insta talks about this sort of thing

Yes he can force a sale through courts but it is an expensive process. You would be better to try to reach an agreeement with him if neither of you can afford to buy the other out then you could sell the property. I would talk it through with a solicitor they give half an hour free usually. Also post on legal matters.

Yes, I would get the wheels in motion for a divorce and a financial settlement.

I’d also adjust the CMS to reflect how little he is actually having the children, along with no longer leaving the house when he wants to see the children.

You’ll get proportionally larger settlement with children who you are providing the main residence for, so I’d look at getting it sorted sooner rather than later.

He pays me what CSM says he should £250, mortgage is £738. I think he will try and say he's been paying half of mortgage.

Well he hasn't and that's easy to prove. He's been paying CMS. He is technically entitled to rent on his half, I believe, so it does make sense that you are paying the whole mortgage. This is good for you when you come to look for somewhere on your own as you can show affordability.

Adjust CMS to reflect what is actually happening.

Why can't he have the kids at his mum's?

You won’t get more just because you have been paying the mortgage for 3 years. If it’s in both your name it’s still split 50/50. Seek legal advice.

Simple answer yes, it's normal to sell or you buy him out.

Ex husband OR partner?
If husband, divorced?
If divorced, financial settlement?

Get yourself some advice.

I also agree with stop leaving him in the house and get the CMS properly sorted.

This

Were you married?

To be honest you need to sell up. You're paying all the mortgage currently but that doesn't mean you'll definitely get more out of it.

Obviously seek legal advice but generally if you can't afford to buy him out and he doesn't agree to allowing you to stay there then yes he could theoretically take you to court and force a sale. You may be awarded a higher percentage of equity as you have primary residency of the kids but not because you have been paying the full mortgage, he is entitled to receive 'rent' on his half of the house while you are living there as you have the full benefit of the house so that cancels out your paying the mortgage.

Outcomes can differ depending on your marital status, income, custody arrangements etc. Absolutely make a claim for CMS based on how many nights he actually has them as he sounds like he is underpaying significantly for 3 children he barely sees.

You also need to be aware that if you currently get Universal credit and you end up with a lump sum of equity over 16k that would stop any entitlement to UC unless it was going to go into purchasing another house. Just something you may need to bare in mind if applicable to you.

Thanks for the advice it's really helpful. I've spoke to a broker today about how much I could mortgage on my own to see if I could make a financial offer to him.

I've also emailed a few solicitors for some general advice.

Why he has the kids here is that his mums is about 45mins away more in rush hour so would be a lot for him to pick/take them to school.

Plus the eldest won't go over there's so when it falls his days off are in the week it seemed easier for him to come here and see all 3 and save that journey. I was trying to be nice and facilitate him seeing the kids, but it causes me hassle and he doesn't seem to understand providing for them, and cleaning up after himself

And yes we are married. I want a clean break asap.

The UC point is good if I did end up with a lump sum. I would need to buy somewhere as rents seem to go so fast round here, I'd be worried about selling and relying on finding a rented property

It’s not guaranteed that you would get an additional share of the house equity because you were paying the mortgage.
You’re only looking at one side of it: that you paid. But he lost out on being able to live there. It’s not simple.
The overall division based on needs and all other factors will be more important.
I’m 😣 for you that you put another £6K into a house where the situation wasn’t properly agreed.
He can force a sale, but it takes time.
There are so many factors to consider that no-one here can tell you, better to talk it through with all your details and a solicitor.

Is he going to be willing to give you more equity since you are staying with kids most of the time?
I second updating CMS to reflect the actual number of nights
See what your broker says, some lenders may accept CMS as the income
You might want to look at shared ownership
and start divorce proceedings as soon as you can, they take forever!

He has a right to his part of the equity and to use it as he sees fit. It's only fair to either buy him out or to sell, share and buy something else for you and your kids. The longer it takes, the more price of the property goes up and the more you will possibly need to pay to him should you decide to buy him out.
I was in your husband shoes. My ex, for 4 years dragged everything as much as he could have, wanted house and everything else and he ended up buying me out based on the current valuation rather the one from 4 years ago when we separated. It costed him extra £25k.

Thanks everyone your right.
Putting money into it was stupid tbh but there were things that needed doing that couldn't really wait, but yes it was stupid.

That makes sense re not being entitled to more as I've been paying it for so long.

The broker thought I would be able to raise enough, so I'm hopeful there. The fixed rate doesn't end until next Aug, 2024 and we have a large erc to pay circa £15k if we did anything now plus waiting for the Iva to finish next March so won't be doing anything until next year.

Would you suggest applying for divorce now? I always held off as thought we needed to get the financial stuff sorted first.

Oh and re maintenance I'll def update it. I don't think that will go down well though if I go back for an adjustment, he doesn't really get the whole thing and just thinks I'm trying to fleece him when I've tried to explain before. But he's not due to have kids here now until Oct so before then I'm going to say that he has them at his mums and just does the journey to school.
It's like hitting my head against a brick wall when I've tried to explain about me not providing food because they are with him, he just doesn't get it.

He doesn't want to get it. It's more convenient for him when he plays it that way.
It will be much cheaper if you agree financial stuff with him beforehand. If that's not the option, then get the ball running with the divorce and let solicitors and the court to sort it all.

In the end of the day he is an adult. If he doesn't understand how CMS work he can contact them and they will enlighten him. But he isn't going to like it.
You don't have to accommodate his time with kids, I mean in the sense that you leave your own house so he can see kids. He is an adult and he has moved out. It's his responsibility to accommodate his children on the days where he has them. If you pay the mortgage then he must be able to have some spare money to rent.
Where does he live now?