Trying for baby 1 in cost of living crisis

[Minnierose11]

Me and husband have started trying for baby number 1. Both in our 30's.

However.... I keep getting increasingly anxious and scared due to all the cost of living stuff!!
Our mortgage deal ends on October 2024, in which if rates stay the same we're looking at a £350 increase monthly.
We have some debt costing approx £300 pm. And EVERYTHING else has just gone up!

Before we started trying, we'd done financial calculations and during maternity things were going to be tight but manageable (approx £900 excess every month) plus savings to top up if needed.

However, now, that's significantly dropped! And we're looking at more like £500pm excess.

I keep thinking we need to hold off a baby... but everyone keeps telling me there is never a right time and people have managed on far less (which I know is true!)

After we've had a baby I will have to change job as my job offers very little flexibility so I'll be leaving a management roll to find something evening wise (we also have no family here for childcare help etc) which we knew would be the case and again would of been fine! Just can't shake this overwhelming feeling of dread and panic...

Really wanted to go into having our first baby excited and relaxed but I feel anything but...

There is no right time and people manage on far less. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and in latter stages of buying a house. We're taking a long mortgage term to keep payments low. I struggle to see why you need to change your job though, is your DH making an equal sacrifice? Hopefully the promised free childcare hours will come in as planned.

Look at every single expense, even to the tiniest amount. You have done it once, do it again but look at what you are prepared to give up if possible and your absolute minimum acceptable life. You write excess £900 per month, is that with every single thing paid?

Really rethink giving up a decent job, my friend had a time when her wages were less than negative. Another friend took herself out of a very well paid role, now years later and divorced she finds herself earning less than 18 years ago. She faces an absolute crap retirement and will have to work till 67.

Roll on many years and I became seriously ill. But 32 years of working means I have quite a decent pension. As much as it’s crap as an older woman with all the outcomes of what has happened to women friends the good and the bad you must protect yourself as a couple and as an individual financially if you have any sort of choice. Some women are not afforded that choice.

People do not like to think of themselves as an individual when in a couple as it seems defeatist but you must.

You should TRY to start in your job/come back part time. They can't discriminate against you and if they do you can launch employment tribunal and get a payout which should definitely help! Or they might offer redundancy payment etc

Also for baby stuff, don't buy anything new except nappies, car seat and cot mattress. People will give away so much and there's always lots of second hand stuff for sale.
I would be on a longer term mortgage to bring payments down and then change that when no nursery fees to pay. Nursery should be subsidized better when your baby goes to nursery than it is now.

You also will go out to eat and drink a lot less which saves cash! Kind of like during lockdown

We bought everything second hand for DS. Except nappies, cot mattress and car seat. We saved £1000s. I have bags and bags of clothes gifted to me that I'll save to gift to someone else I know when they have a child. People will give you everything/all kinds of gadget. My biggest tip is buy the essentials and buy whatever else you need when you actually need it. We bought so many items DS hated/never used.

Nursery is insane at the moment, but it will get better.

There's never a right time to have a baby tbh. But, you'll be able to make it work. The fact you're even thinking about these kinds of things shows you're going to be great parents.
X

How much is the debt? Could you throw everything at it for 6 months or so & clear it?

I would also reconsider changing your job - or at least try it for a few months before deciding to change. Do you get occupational maternity pay? You may find you have to go back for a few months anyway or repay that.

Could you go part-time or compress your hours? I've just gone back 4 days a week, we use a childminder which is £60/day but the tax free childcare scheme saves us 20%. I'm also studying for accountancy qualifications so do some studying before/after work too. Its a juggle now, but when DS starts school we should benefit twofold as childcare costs will reduce & I'll be qualified so my earning potential should be much higher.

The most expensive thing about having a baby has been childcare. The majority of DS's clothes, books, toys etc have been secondhand (for environmental reasons as well as cost saving).

The childcare years are short but painful. A career and a marriage are (hopefully) long

How long will it take to clear debt at 300 a month?
Is it not worth getting that cleared whilst you have less expenditure?

@BlockedButWhy firstly thank you for you comment, that really made me smile. I'd like to think we will be too.

Reading all your comments I think I'm maybe making a decision in haste about my job. So; I think maybe I'll sit on that. I think it maybe worth while trying to return. One thing I didn't realise that was until they are in school - summer holidays etc aren't a thing. I thought that was even the same for nursery's etc - so that makes it a lot easier!
The job side of things was mainly managing childcare. - we both work full time but I get 5 weeks annual leave a year, my husband gets 5 but he loses 11 days of it at Christmas as the company closes over Christmas and new year, so technically only 3 weeks to play with, which would make the 13 weeks a year during school holidays a nightmare (hence my thinking of getting evening work so one of us is always there, we have no family nearby to help) and was thinking financially it'd be better than paying school clubs/childminders/nursery's. I am aware they're also bringing in the free hours for 9 months onwards from sept 2025.. and of course, I'm not yet pregnant so may happen to fall in line! Just forward planning/panicking I guess.

We are saving heavily now. So that we have reserves of cash to top up monthly if needed but we will keep it if not and put it towards the debts.

My friends have told (most of who have kids) that £500 excess is plenty, and yes that's be after everything has gone out - fuel, food and every bill!

I'm going to cancel our tv package aswell when it's up, that saves £75pm and just have our fire stick with Netflix and prime so £12pm instead.
It's mainly the mortgage increase that's the shit in all this... £350 of our additional money gone each month! We'd be quiet comfortable if that wasn't the case.

In your situation OP, I really wouldn't have children, you can't afford it.

It will only take a single, isolated unplanned large expense to bankrupt you.

£500 pm isn't enough to get by on. What will you do if your boiler needs a major repair or your house needs work?

Not eat that month?

If one of you loses your job or got ill how would you cope?

Let's say you get severe PND and can't work or you have complications from the birth?

I really wouldn't do it, wait until you're in a better financial position.

If you're mid thirties or over and you want more than one baby, you may have no choice but to start to ttc now anyway. You have no idea what your fertility will be like.

We both have income protection insurance. Which covers job loss/illness.
We have life and critical illness cover also.

We live in a new build house, which needs no work but also have home insurance if something major was to happen.

We also have boiler cover paid monthly. So we've covered those eventuality's.

If something major was to come up, we do have family that would help us. But, they don't live nearby in the sense to help with childcare.

PND is of course a possibility but, I wouldn't avoid having a child of the basis of the what ifs of that..
our financial situation is based off the current climate of the cost of living ... but there's no indication that in a year, two or even 5 that that situation will be any better of course.

Does the £500 excess include all bills/food/fuel/savings? If so that's plenty.

Babies/toddlers cost v little. People are so over eager to hand over hand me downs you will barely have to buy anything!!

With the funded hours that will help. Plus your work might offer the childcare vouchers which will save money. There is childcare during holidays, or you make friends with children of the same age and swap children so you can both still work. Also work have to allow you unpaid parental leave too.

Don't forget you will get child benefit too so that should pay towards child related costs.

@SootspriteSearcher yes, so the £500pm is after absolutely everything is paid - that's after fuel for the month, food shopping, ALL bills, mortgage, debt payments but does also already factor in the child benefit.

I'm not so much worried about affording stuff for the baby before it's not, as we will both be working full time up until that point and will be able to afford to buy all the essentials we need, plus I know family will also gift some. It was more the case when I'm on maternity, I only get basic maternity, and then we will be living largely off DH wages snd mainly worrying now because of the huge increase in mortgage rates which will (unless the drop before then) eat into alot of what excess money we would of had, leaving only around £500. Xxxx

@SootspriteSearcher also we will have some savings to top up that £500pm if needed whilst I'm on maternity.

Am I correct in thinking that nursery's don't take school holidays etc? X

No private nurseries don't have school holidays. They only take some time off for Christmas etc.

I would suggest getting that debt down, ideally paid off along with your plan to reduce costs. £300 a month is a lot to pay just to service debts. Overpay ideally